TITLE: (5/5)

What is a Ludos? It is that type of title that I’d want to click or I’d pick up in a bookstore. This title is really original, plus it’s not a common word to find, and it’s because of those that I’d want to check this story out. The first time I checked your story, too, I just find it nice.

DESCRIPTION + FOREWORD: (4/5)

The term Ludos was well described in here, and readers would already get the idea of the story.

What follows after is quite lengthy, but understandable. I personally think, though, that Violet’s thoughts stated in here are unnecessary. I got the idea of the story already without those. But here’s what’s good about that: you made Violet’s thoughts on both Kai and Kris seem like Kai and Kris equal, so, with Violet being the girl of course, it isn’t clear on who exactly is playing that game on Violet. This I think would make readers look forward to your story. Is it Kai? Is it Kris? Who would it be? (The poster only showed Kai, though, but who knows?)

PLOT: (15/15)

I’m not at the actual plot yet, the game playing and all, but there are strong plot twists and that triggers the readers to go on with the story to find out how the characters deal with these later on. Such as why Kai didn’t want her on the dance club and the issue between Kim and Hyo Ri. Although from a lot of stories, it seems predictable, right? The result to that case apparently wasn't expected. Your story seems natural, so I have no problems here.

ORIGINALITY: (9/10)

Typical high school setting, really. With the auditions. There are lots of stories in here about high school and auditions, but like what I said about those plot twists. Those plot twists make this story seem original in its own way. In this case, usually the girl passed the audition, but then surprise surprise Kai didn’t want her in.

FLOW: (10/10)

I’ve been reading the past reviews stated in your foreword, and I really have to agree with them on this rubric. There is a clear shift of POVs between the characters, and I praise that. Also, each event doesn’t seem too fast or too slow.

CHARACTERIZATION: (8/10)

Each character has that distinct role. Kai being the really cold guy and although I couldn’t exactly describe Violet’s character, it’s still easy to distinguish her. I could also identify Kris, Kimberly, Amy, and Hyo Ri’s roles in here.

You tagged “exo” in here and would it be possible to really give each member a distinct… like… unique role? I doubt it, though. I see that Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Xiumin, and Tao don’t actually have strong roles in here.

I like the relationships between each character, though. From Kai to Violet, from Violet to Kai, from Kai to Kris, and etc. 

WRITING STYLE: (7/10)

You have a tendency to type “Yeayyy” or “Whaaaaat”. Something along those words. And to be honest this bothers me. Avoid doing those to be neater for the text. Also be mindful of the apostrophes and the commas. There is also that part where you put “oh, btw” and I don’t know if they were really saying the internet language for real or it’s really just a shorter term.

Each sentence could be easily understood, though, and that’s good.

GRAMMAR + SPELLING: (10/15)

This isn’t really your strong rubric in here. It starts with these…

That fine twinkling eyes that she is looking at are so beautiful… – Those fine twinkling eyes that she is looking at are so beautiful…

He abruptly bends to pick up the balls that hitted Violet just now. – He abruptly bends to pick up the balls that hit Violet just now (hit could already be in past tense)

I rolls my eyes at the text message, - I rolled my eyes at the text message

A factory full with good looking boy? – A factory full of good looking boys?  Or A factory filled with good looking boys?

“That’s mine!” I quickly says – “That’s mine!” I quickly said. Or “That’s mine!” I quickly say.

 the boy that were calling for him – the boy that was calling for him

Kai coldly replies and leave – Kai coldly replies and leaves

I bow at him, clearly understands he’s my senior eventhought I’m not sure if he’s a second and third grader - I bow at him, clearly understanding he’s my senior even though I’m not sure if he’s a second and third grader

As soon as the last class end, Kim and Amy rush to my place – As soon as the last class ended

And apparently as I went on reading, there’s just too much to correct that I just don’t think that these are really just typos. Your mistakes in here are usually in the subject-verb agreement and the verb’s tenses.

ENJOYMENT: (8/10)

I find it quite amusing that I just reviewed three stories and all of those have Kai in it lmao

I’m quite a bit bothered by your grammar and spelling that it affected my mood of reading. However, Kai’s character is really something here. I'm not into the actual game, like what  I said earlier, too, so I couldn't say much about this.

Let me apologize for the seemingly short review, though. I thought it'd be longer as expected.

TOTAL: (76/90) = 84.44%

© arcadiyan
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