Jihoon watched closely as Hannah breathe in an inevitable gasp, he eyed her surrendered shoulders and grief that dilated her pupil. A steady streams of thoughts crosses Hannah’s mind. He is dead. He died waiting for me. Hannah felt as though she was bearing the burden of the world on her shoulders, and she imagined invisible hands crawling up her slender legs pulling her down.

 

Hannah felt tied down, or was it just Jihoon’s glare which was brimmed with hatred and disgust that nailed her to the chair. She did not know, Hannah was too busy building walls around her heart to obstruct Jihoon’s painful words from hurting her. She was preparing herself.

 

Hannah, oddly enough, witness the memories she had with the blond boy playing before her eyes. Her mind pulled her back to the day she was seated comfortably behind him, as she felt the morning breeze that brushes her crimson cheeks as he glides the bike on the pathway. She never told anyone but the painful butterflies that was eating the flesh of her stomach at that very moment was unmistakable. Hannah could safely say that Jihoon was special to her.

 

Her mind stepped pass the line it could handle. Her fingers were wrapped around the skirt of her newly bought dress that she chose delicately and bought especially to display it before Jihoon. However what is the point of the piece of cloth. The calming blue that coloured the dress which she initially thought was a great colour now carries zero value. She remembered Jihoon telling her that blue would somehow remind him of the sky. “Peaceful and comforting” Jihoon once explained.

 

After a long pause, “I am truely sorry, I do not know what to say,” unwinded eventually. Hannah carefully lifted her sight and directed her eyes to Jihoon who was casually twirling the straw in his drink, he would roll it between his thin fingers. Hannah did not know how he did it but the expression on his face intimidated her. His face did not hold any expression.

 

“if you really feel bad then how about you do me a favour,” the blond boy suggested. “Nothing too heavy. I desperately want to watch you crumble down slowly.” Hannah could have denied the offer, reject the words that seeped from his thin lips and carried and dragged her legs from the coffee shop. She could had saved herself from drowning deeper into the depth of the sea, not that it was possible but, Hannah could try though however she did not. 

 

The way he would place his eyes on his own fingers instead on her and the noticeable stretched smile pasted on his face sent daggers to the poor petite girl’s heart. Before Hannah could interpret his words, two terse words subsequently rolled from Jihoon’s tongue. 

 

“Date me.”

 

Hannah felt the pang on her chest. Terror seized her body. 

 

Hannah questioned the purpose behind the plan. Jihoon answered with simple words that collapsed the world around her. 

 

“I want to see you fall” he continued after a brief second. “-in pain I mean.”

 

I want to see you fall until you can no longer carry yourself up.

 

*

 

Another day slipped through their fingers. Hannah watched the traffic lights that died red and revived green, the long stretched of road was empty. She could have bent the rules, marched her way confidently to the opposite side without possibly being hit by a vehicle which would take her last breath away. Though however she did not, just like how she did not run away from the coffee shop and similar to how she did not reply to the offer as Jihoon twisted her silence as an agreement. Hannah did not do anything.

 

Her phone was brought to life with a silent buzzing of a new text message. She reached for the device thrown in her tote bag and searched for it. Once she grasped and got hold of the item, she glimpsed at the large letters that stared at her.

 

JIHOON. 

 

Her lips was dry out of the blue. The gentle passing wind escapes its way through Hannah’s straight black hair and guilt ridden body. She read the message that was sent.

 

Meet me after your school ends. I’ll be at the front of the gate. Don’t try to run away from me.

 

Those words were able to release the butterflies that would bite the flesh of her stomach like before. They tighten her chest and as much she wants to deny it; Hannah was excited.

 

She knew this was all planned. Everything laid out on a giant board game as each and every movement would scream pain. As they progress forward through the game, her world would ultimately darken and the only thing she could rely on is the small light like at the end of the pitch black tunnel that seemingly gets further and further. Drifting her hands in the air will not be of any use as she will touch nothing other than her own loneliness.

 

*