The Confession

”Hey! Come on everybody swimming in the sea; saying doo waa diddy diddy dum dee ree dum! “ Shinhwa members’ song echoed in the studio. The six small guys were anxiously waiting the result of the song whose music video they were about to shoot. “Hey! Come on everybody walking down the sea; saying doo waa diddy diddy dum dee ree dum!”

“You sound very cute.” The one who recorded them said. “And I very much like how your voices combine.”

Eric, the leader smiled widely and turned to look at Minwoo, who already was exhilarated about the music video and the upcoming live performance. Hyesung was worried if his voice was enough since he had suddenly become the main vocalist, and Dongwan was trying to memorize the lyrics of the song to be able to do well in the music video lipsync. Junjin hadn’t been focusing ever since they came to the studio. His eyes were in somewhere else. To be honest, he hadn’t heard a sound coming out of his hyungs’ mouths since he was staring at the only silent thing in the room. It was the shy maknae.

“You can now move to the practice room. I am sure you know the steps already but we have to make sure before we shoot your music video.” The manager in charge told. “And I know some of you,” he now looked at the two vocalists, Dongwan and Hyesung, and continued: “…have difficulties to learn.”

Hyesung nodded and glanced at Dongwan who obviously shared the same disagreed gaze with him.

“Don’t worry,” the main manager laughed. “You have Minwoo and Junjin.”

Junjin flinched on his spot after hearing his name. He blinked his eyes dumbfounded and noticed how Andy was now looking at him. For a fraction of second he was sure that his cheeks turned dark red. They must’ve turned redder and redder when Andy flashed a smile.

“Shall we go now?” Eric suggested.

“Yes. Let’s go.” The manager spoke and pushed the boys out of the room.

Andy was about to leave when Junjin suddenly caught his wrist and cleared his throat. Say it, say it, say it. He babbled.

Andy smiled again.

“Andy ya…” Junjin finally began. For weeks he had tried to open his damn mouth, but when he was about to do it, nothing came out. Now, there was some kind of progress apparently and Junjin felt his cheeks flushing and chest tensing. “…I…I am…I…you know…it’s…Andy ya…”

“Yes?” the maknae looked at him, the cute apple shaped hair angling with his head. “What is it?”

 Junjin took a deep inhale. “I…I…umm…we…I gotta...errr…” he stammered.

“What is it Junjin? Say it.”

Junjin exhaled and spilled out, “Your rap was daebak.”

The smile no longer plastered on the maknae’s face.  “Ohh…you wanted to say that?”

Junjin nodded.

“Well, thank you.” Andy answered sadly. “Your part was cute too.”

With that Andy exited the room. Junjin scurried towards the wall, clasped his hands against it and started banging his head against it, shouting after each hit.

“Your…rap…was…daebak!?” He screamed. “What happened to the ‘I like you!?’” he added. “I like you…I like you!”

The dance practice went as always; Hyesung and Dongwan couldn’t remember their steps and the high kick the main vocalist was supposed to do, was a fail. But after couple of retakes, they all managed to do well and the managers praised them and rewarded them with bottles of water. Junjin took two bottles and ran to Andy, who was stretching together with the eldest member, Eric.

“Andy ya,”

The maknae lifted his head. “Yes?”

Junjin crouched down and passed the bottle to the boy. “Here’s water. It’s ice cold.” He grinned.

The youngest member thanked him and gulped down half of the bottle. He then turned to look at the other main dancer and blinked his eyes. Junjin was daydreaming again while watching him. The smile on his cute and thick lips, caused a smile curve onto Andy’s lips too. Eric laughed at Junjin’s face and pushed him, waking him up. Andy cackled when Junjin’s back hit the floor and his body reacted to the thud.

“Babo ya!” Eric held his stomach. “You should’ve seen your face!”

Junjin blushed.

“You looked super foolish!” The leader couldn’t breathe. “Staring at Andy like that.”

Junjin glanced at the maknae.

“Andy is cute.” He replied with a pout.

“OKAY GUYS!” the choreographer shouted. “You’ve rested enough. Let’s continue.”

The boy’s crouched up and growled, tediously plodding back to their spots. Abruptly Junjin shifted his body and cleared his throat to the choreographer. The guy looked at him and frowned interrogatively, waiting what the cute boy wanted to say. Junjin was too shy to initiate so the teacher grinned and said, “What is it?”

“I was…was…umm…thinking that...ummm…there’s the part where we all stand in line, couldn’t we, like…umm…put…put Andy at the end…and then we could…all…look at him?” Junjin responded and everyone eyed him. Andy pursed his lips and stopped playing with the strap of his jumpsuit. “Because…because…he is cute…cute…really.” The second youngest boy stuttered, under the blush that had already built to his cheeks.

The choreographer glanced at the other boys and then Junjin and patted his shoulder. “Great idea, Junjin!” he said. “Andy really is cute!”

The maknae blinked his eyes when he was moved at the end of the line and everyone turned to look at him as if anticipating something.

“What do you want me to do?” the boy questioned.

“Do something adorable,” said the dance teacher.

Andy nodded slowly, lifted his arms up, jumped and smiled widely.

And Junjin’s ears were burning.

“Andy ya,” Junjin said after the practice.

“What?”

“…I…I’m…”

“Yes? Say it.” Andy tried.

“I…I…I really like your outfit today.” Junjin eventually breathed out, not being satisfied by his own answer. “It looks great on you.”

Andy puckered up his lips and the sadness emitted in his voice when he said, “Thank you, Jin.”

He then flashed one of those cute and careful Andy smiles and excused himself. When he had receded farer from him and couldn’t see him, Junjin slapped himself and squatted down, covering his face with his palms. To them, he chanted, “Outfit? Outfit!? I really like your outfit!? I like you!”

Why was it so hard?

Though Junjin was embarrassed to even look at Andy after all those failed attempts, he still wanted to be as close to him as he could. Whenever Eric moved next to Andy, Junjin had to be on the other side. Whenever Minwoo was affectionate towards the maknae, Junjin had to break it somehow and then claim Andy into his embrace. Whenever Dongwan Andy’s cheeks and adored the smoothness and chubbiness of them, Junjin pretended to not be jealous and would join the hyung, until Dongwan gave in. Whenever Hyesung was sitting on the couch, Andy’s head on his lap and sleeping, Junjin hoped that someone would have something to say to him so he would get off and walk away, letting him go beside Andy and take his apple styled hair between his fingers.

Whenever Junjin got jealous, he got angry. Nothing worked, he did severe amounts of mistakes and each mistake cost more time in the music video filming.

“You are not focusing Junjin!” the leader said.

“I am!” Junjin defended himself, glancing at Andy who was talking to his manager.

“You aren’t! Where is the dancer we especially got!?” Eric spoke calmly. “I cannot see it.”

Junjin sighed. “It’s here.” He muttered, palm on his heart. “I’m just really pissed today.” He confessed.

“I know.” Eric ruffled the brown hair. “It’s just so odd to see you making mistakes and yelling and swearing.” He whispered. “I think…it doesn’t help your situation at all.”

Junjin frowned when he raised his head, Eric winked at him, patted his cheek and walked off to speak with the main vocalist who was memorizing his lyrics. Junjin then tossed his head at the maknae. Andy was dancing his cute part and it drove Junjin crazy; especially, when Dongwan and Minwoo began to dance with him. But Junjin managed to keep his cool, since those hyungs didn’t touch his Andy.

“I think we can continue now!” the cameraman said. “Take your positions!”

Junjin hurried to the position and made sure that he was right next to Andy, upper arm touching one another. Then he smiled at the maknae and the maknae blinked his eyes. But eventually the delighted blush appeared onto Andy’s cheeks.

I like you so much, Junjin pondered, his whole chest clenching.

“Jin ah…”

The said one lifted his head.

“You asked someone to bring you a towel. Here you go.”

Junjin’s cheeks got as red as they could. He took the towel from the youngest member and quickly covered his face into it to not show how freaking flushed he was. His heart was beating rapidly as the towel touched his nose and he smelled something as familiar and beautiful as Andy in it. The maknae slumped down in front of him.

“T-t-thank you.” Junjin stuttered. “I didn’t tell you to bring it though.”

Andy’s cheekbones were pink. “I just…wanted to bring it to you…since no one is here, I thought that…maybe you have…something to tell…just a wild guess.” He crooned.

Junjin’s mouth was open.

“Is there something you need to tell me? I am here for you. No hyungs anywhere.” Andy tried cautiously, hands creasing the shirt under the jumpsuit after he had started playing with it nervously.

The older boy gulped. There were all kinds of obstacles in his mouth and he knew that if he now began to speak, his tongue would tangle and the words would come out as gibberish, causing him to be ashamed and totally incoherent. Andy’s eyes were looking at Junjin’s. They were determined and serious but the whole face was anxious, expectant and shy.  The taller boy gulped once more before he breathed out and decided to say it out loud; no regrets: consequences be damned.

"Andy ya...Andy, I will just say it...I...I'm....I'm in...in lo--"

"Hey, guys! We need you to decide what to eat." Minwoo’s perky voice interrupted.

The sudden loud scream of devastation took place in the beach, where everyone held their ears and stared at the small 19-year-old boy who abruptly stood up, glared at the hyung and ran away to the convertible. Andy let out a sad sigh when Junjin disappeared and didn’t come out since.

The backstage was full off pink balloons, flowers, stripes, ribbons and confetti. The Shinhwa members were bewildered but touched each of them excited. Andy gasped to the ribbons and colors and thought who could have done that. His eyes looked around the room when something pulled him out of the scrutiny of their managers and hyungs, and made him yelp terrified.

“Don’t be afraid, Andy ya.”

The maknae nodded after recognizing the voice.

“I have been thinking over these months that what I should do.” Junjin whispered. “And I’ve been holding it inside for too long.”

“Jin…” Andy said.

Junjin chuckled. “It’s been months now and I regret it every day that I haven’t told anything to you.” He murmured. “Andy…how long have you been in my heart? How long have I longed for your touch and your gaze? How long have I been lost in you?”

The youngest member didn’t see Junjin’s face in the darkness but he knew it was devastated and serious. He didn’t utter a word. He didn’t want to ruin the moment by talking.

“Andy…I have trying to say these words to you since I met you.” Junjin started. “But every time, I chickened out.”

Andy felt his heartbeat rising.

“I…I didn’t say what I was meant to say. And when I was about to say what I wanted to say, Minwoo hyung interrupted me.” Junjin told. “Then I realized that I had chosen the wrong timing. Always the wrong timing.” He laughed. “Then I planned this.”

Andy gasped.

“Andy…” Junjin captured his hands and took them into his warm palms. “…I love you.”

The maknae’s heart burst.  “Jin…Jin…Jin, I…”

Junjin heard the silent repetition of his name and the most awful thoughts ran through his mind. He flashed a smile in the darkness and raffled Andy’s hair, saying, “You don’t have to say anything. I’m happy I did it.”

Then the managers told them to stop playing around and already go to the stage. Junjin gestured to Andy that they should but the maknae didn’t move. Junjin looked at him in the dark room.

“Jin…”

“Yeah?”

“What took you so long?”

And suddenly a pair of lips butted onto Junjin’s and he could do nothing but become tense.

       “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWW!”

Junjin blinked his eyes. “What?”

“Appa, we don’t want to hear how our dad’s lips taste like!” Sun Jae said disgusted.

Junjin tsked and set his eyes to the figure in the kitchen. Andy was in his cute apron, preparing the dinner. For the umpteenth time, had Sun Jae and Chung Ho persistently asked if Junjin could tell them how appa and dad got together. After many months of constant asking, Junjin seated the twins to the couch and told the whole story.

“APPA!” Chung Ho yelled. “Stop zoning out!”

Andy joined the three, eyeing them bemused. “What? Why are you staring at me?”  

Sun Jae sat down onto his appa’s lap and said, “This is why it took you so long to get our dad in the first place.”

“You told them!?” Andy blushed.

“Well, they wanted to hear…at least that didn’t contain the question ‘how did we get you pregnant?’” Junjin joked around.

Andy’s cheeks were redder.

“Appa?” Chung Ho questioned.

“What?” Junjin the boy’s chubby cheek.

“Where do babies come from?”