"South Carolina," Minhyuk read in horrible English from the dorm room "is the land of southern belles. Kyung, what's a belle?" For around thirty minutes Minhyuk had been trying to find out about South Carolina, originally believing it to be "south of Carol". 

"How stupid are you? You know what a bell is!" Kyung yelled from the kitchen, doing god-knows-what. 

"Did someone say bells?!" Jihoon roared, and brought out a bell-adorned sombrero. Jihoon began dancing something that only could be described as a poor imitation of the Mexican hat dance, with less finesse and more hip swaying. All of his bandmates faces were in various stages of wtf-dom. 

"I am not the leader of this band of psychopaths. That's it. I'm done." Jiho sighed and walked back to bed, only to scream. "WHY ARE BANJOS EVERYWHERE?"

"Sorry! I was trying to summon the banjo lo- dear sweet Jesus, Jihoon. It's too early for this. Take off the hat and go to bed." Kyung sighed, rubbing sleep from his eyes. He grabbed the fire extinguisher, pointing it at Jihoon, and sprayed the maknae with the extinguisher foam. 

"But Kyung hyung! It's eleven in the morning!" Jib on wailed, attempting to hide the massively huge hat behind his back while wiping foam off of his body. 

"Eleven hours too early. And don't call me Kyung hyung, or I'll force you to watch Hanhae and Mino ma-" Kyung was cut off as Yukwon jerked to a sudden stop at a gas station. 

"Dear god Kyung, that would break him! Children can't see that!" Jaehyo screamed, flinging his hands over Jihoon's eyes. Jaehyo was convinced that Jihoon was still his baby, even though Jihoon was almost able to legally drink in America. 

"Guys, why is Jiho rolling around the floor, screaming?" Minhyuk asked, poking his head out of the bedroom. 

"Banjos." Taeil said, knitting a fish scarf. In an odd attempt to bond, Jaehyo and Taeil had taken knitting lessons and began to knit various items, all of Taeil's being fish related. All of his bandmates nodded in understanding. 

"What the is wrong with this band?" Yukwon sighed, filling the tank full of gas. Two more miles of nothing but rural wilderness and then they would be in South Carolina. 

"That might be the most true thing you have ever said, Yukwon. Are you ok?" Taeil asked, peering over his oversized, fish themed scarf-in-progress. 

"Help! Banjos!" Jiho screeched from the bedroom, and fear had tainted his voice. Occasionally his bandmates wondered why he had an acute phobia of the country instrument, but never cared enough to ask why. It was just a part of Jiho. 

"I'll solve this problem...." Jaehyo muttered, opening up a drawer in the kitchen and pulling out a hammer. Jaehyo then stalked off to Jiho's room, swinging the hammer wildly. 

----

"What the are we supposed to do in South Carolina?" Kyung asked, glaring at the others in the densely packed Dennies. It was Jiho's idea to go there, and they had been waiting in line for at least an hour. 

"Catfish wranglin' contest. Apply at your local Dennies. What about catfish wrangling?" Jaehyo proposed. He could sound out the words perfectly, but he had no clue what "catfish wranglin'" was. 

"Sounds good to me. What's a catfish?" Jihoon asked, Jiho and Taeil nodding with him. 

"You see, my young compadre, mi amigo, a catfish is when they breed a cat and a fish together to create a magical being with holy powers." Kyung swung an arm around the younger's shoulder and gestured into some deep metaphorical distance. Jihoon nodded, absorbing all of his friend's information. 

"Like a unicorn?" Jihoon asked, rather puzzled. 

"Like a unicorn." Kyung replied, patting an excited Jihoon's head. Taeil rolled his eyes, but didn't bother correcting an overly excited Jihoon. 

 When the next day rolled around Jaehyo drove over to some small river area, following the map that was ever-so-kindly provided for him by a half hungover waitress at Dennies that did not give two s if Jaehyo could actually speak some form of english. What a , Jaehyo thought, flawlessly parallel parking. I am way prettier than her anyways. Shallow waitress.

"Let's go!" Jiho roared, hopping out of the RV, followed by Kyung, who had brought a box-cutter knife and Jihoon, who was equipped with a butterfly net. Minhyuk sprinted out after them, convinced Kyung was after world domination with the box-cutter. Taeil followed, having a box that actually needed some opening. 

"It's going to be a long day, huh?" Jaehyo smiled at Yukwon, walking the younger out of the RV. He could see his bandmates running around like idiots and almost smiled all sentimentally until he realized that Kyung was armed with a potentially dangerous weapon. 

"Howdy y'all. Welcome tuh the 2014 catfish wranglin' contest. You seven, all 'uh y'all, you know about wranglin' these whiskered devils?" the host, an old man with a southern accent so thick you could cut it with a knife, drawled and gestured over to Block B. 

"Yes sir!" Kyung grinned a little too innocently to be true, hiding the boxcutter behind his back. Jiho gulped nervously, having no absolute idea about what was going on but Kyung was grinning attractively evilly. 

"Then let the catfish wranglin' begin! Whoever can catch the biggest catfish wins!" the very southern man yelled, and all the rednecks whooped and hollered. 

"Let's get us some catfish!" a lady with a cowboy hat three sizes too large, and cowboy boots to match, screamed at the top of her lungs, dashing into the stream, and her redneck brethren followed after. 

"I don't see any catfish." Jihoon wailed, surrounded by the little black critters that were swarming around his feet. He was looking for some fish-cat hybrid and hadn't found any. 

"Dude. They're all around you." Taeil whispered and Jihoon's eyes widened to twice their original size. The youngest swung around in the water with his net, eventually picking up a tiny catfish and ran off, yelling proudly. 

"Give that back! No!" Jaehyo wailed, attempting to remove his bb cream tube from the mouth of a particularly large fish. Meanwhile, Jiho and Minhyuk were snickering as Kyung walked up behind Jaehyo and slowly reached upwards to drop a fish down Jaehyo's shirt. 

 Jaehyo let out an extremely unmanly scream (he later blamed that womanly scream on "assault with a deadly marine animal") and dove into the water. He flailed around in the river stream, getting himself soaked in the ten inches of water there were. Rednecks from all over the stream turned to watch him flail, all gangly tangled arms and legs flapping in the air. Some of the rednecks claimed he was possessed, others said he was dancing. Either way, the Flopping Fish Man dance caught on extremely quickly in their small town, leading to multiple concussions at small dance clubs as youngsters tried to replicate the graceless moves of an ulzzang in shock. 

"Guys, look!" Jiho screamed, diverting attention from Jaehyo in a way only an eyeshadow seeing bleach blonde could. "Yukwon caught a fish. 

 And indeed Yukwon had. In his hands was a remarkably, absolutely amazingly small fish. It was a half an inch long and Yukwon was proud. He later explained to the members that Sunhye had some strange hatred of catfish, and as her boyfriend (or "a man tied down" as he put it) he couldn't go in a five mile radius of the whiskered fish. Kyung snapped a picture of him and texted it to Sunhye, who flipped out. 

"His name shall be Sam!" Kyung yelled, a little over an hour after the Jaehyo flopping incident. Kyung was holding a massive eel, which was surprisingly complacent in his hands. Taeil claimed this was because Kyung was the spawn of Satan and eels were demons, so they had to get along. This was generally accepted as fact in Seven Seasons. Jaehyo made gagging sounds, finding the eel completely disgusting. 

"Pfft, you think that's cool? Check out thi- where'd it go?" Minhyuk wailed, searching for his dropped fish. He was quickly distracted by a tall country woman. 

"I like a man with fish catchin' skills." the semi-gorgeous country lady cooed with her southern drawl. Minhyuk gulped and nodded, entranced by the lady's mildly attractive looks. After being trapped in a dorm with dorky guys for years, Minhyuk was desperate for any female contact. 

"You mean like this?" Taeil yelled and pulled out a massive catfish. It had to be half of Taeil's size, making the short man appear even smaller when he hoisted it above his head. 

"That's unfair! You used your fish powers!" Jiho yelled, rubbing the water and eyeshadow out of his eyes. Minhyuk would have chimed in, but he was too busy staring at the country lady's s. 

"I like a man who can catch a good fish even more though." The lady purred, moving closer to Taeil. Minhyuk frowned and leaped through the air and landed a flying punch to the woman's face. How dare she flirt with other men?

 Taeil would have made a remark about how he was a pacifist, but he was too busy running off to see if he won the contest. The rest of the day flew by in a blur, Taeil having won the contest, Jihoon having won nothing, Minhyuk having been slapped by the lady, Kyung having made a new eel friend, Jiho having doubted his uality and Jaehyo having been courted by drunk country men who thought he was a woman. And Yukwon? He still missed Sunhye. 

••••••••••

 Author's note

 I apologize for having not updated last week as the EXO situation had me feeling down. I wasn't in any mood to write crack then, but I am now. Once I take my finals (which happen in two days) I'll be a whole lot less stressed out and more chapters will happen. On a completely different note, I have another crackfic up here on AFF called Skinny Red's Sunglasses, so please check that out.

 After editing this chapter I realized I subliminally added a reference to MinoHae. My otps are infecting everything. Anyways, my question of the week/chapter is: How do you feel about seafood? Do you hate it? Love it? Or do you keep it as pets like Taeil does? Tell me in the comments below. Once again, I swear that more comments from y'all = more chapters for this fic. Comments make my day and make me happy. Thanks for reading this essay of an Author's Note/story.