Nichkhun Horvejkul, The Superstar
New ReasonI’m dizzy. My head is spinning and my eyes are blurry. After all this year, people always associate me with so many positive terms. Such as handsome, cute, good-looking, caring, polite, hardworking, and so on. In one word, Nichkhun represent a real gentleman. But who knows, that right now, all I wished I can do is just shouting and screaming at this beautiful – and noisy – lady in front of me.
I remember my big brother Nichan said that he want me to met his beautiful, cute, talented, and shy junior from his college years. But I guess he could only describing someone’s characters right in three words. Maybe she was a shy person indeed, 10 years ago when they were still in college. Maybe our definition of 'shy' is completely different. Or maybe Nichan just simply didn’t know what the word ‘shy’ means.
It’s not that I was complaining or anything, it’s just I thought I came here for a dinner-date, but it happened that I lost my way and ended up on a fan meeting. Yes, she is beautiful. She wears a simple white dress and black leather jacket, with light make-up on and a black hair tied in a bun. Typical girl that I would like to date if only she could stop talking. She’s been talking for 25 minutes straight, yet we’re just sitting here for like half an hour.
The worst part is that she keeps on talking about how she is a big fan of me. How she was there, from the very first day, when 2PM debuted. How she laughed and cried with us years ago. How she was my biggest fan before but now she like to listen to Minjun’s music more – of course she did, 2PM’s long over and I'm not a singer anymore. She keeps on talking and talking. All I can do is faking a smile and keeps on listening until only God knows when she’s going to stop. I know I shouldn’t act this way, but I can’t keep up with what she’s been talking. She wanted to hear me tell her some stories about those time, but I’m not. I don’t want to.
Just when I thought I’m going to die, my phone is buzzing, saving me from this torture. Nichan. Great! It was his responsibility to get me out of this hell.
“Sorry, I really need to answer this call.” Excusing myself, I get up from my seat as fast as I could. Nichan probably should get ready for my complaints.
The loud music was blaring through the speakers. The light was switched off. The song is playing, but none of us are singing along. Everyone just enjoying each others company and savoring the moment. It isn’t the farewell night that I was hoping.
We just finished some paperwork regarding our contract this morning. All of us were on agreement with the company to have a hiatus for the next 2 years – and a month. 750 days to be exact. The others members are going to go to military together and I’m going to have few months off before starting on another project. A solo project as ‘artist Nichkhun’, not ‘2PM’s Nichkhun’, at least not until they finished their duty.
“Yah! Why you guys are so quiet?” Wooyoung saying through the mic he hold. “I don’t want to spent my last night being so sad and melancholic.” Everyone laughed at his whining.
Wooyoung gets up, he start singing and dancing. I decide to take the other mic and start singing along with him. I want to spent a memorable time tonight. One day when we’re old and our hair become white, I want to remember this night as a wonderful night when we’re going to take another step to be a real men, and I want them to remember it in the same way. What’s gonna happen after the 2 years? Let’s save the thought for later, tonight I just want to have a good time.
Almost 2 hours we’re singing and dancing around like a crazy people. From 2AM and Kim Dong Ryul’s ballad songs, to some old songs by Jin-Young Hyung. We turned the karaoke room into a concert hall, without thousands crowds and so many voice cracks. Some people outside the karaoke room might've wondered what kind of human inside. Well, they didn’t called us a beast for nothing after all.
Another hour passed by, the night was getting late. As we decide to ends our farewell party, our debut song was up. Perfect timing. We naturally move to our dance formation. We sing the song like never before. It supposed to be a happy love song, but tonight, it full of emotions. I don’t know who first start it, but somehow we ended up hugging each other. Crying while smiling, with ‘10 Jeom Manjeome 10 Jeom’ playing in the background.
One night in the middle of June, my parents decided to make a family gathering. It’s been a long time since the last time we get together. Everyone were caught up in their own life, that we haven’t had a time to visit our parents home. Ever since I moved to Bangkok permanently, I barely have a chance to get myself a rest. So I told my manager 2 weeks ago to put a day off in my full-booked schedule, just for tonight.
My two little sisters, Yanin and Cherreen, were showing up in my apartment this morning. They nearly knocked me down the floor as they hugged me as soon as I opened my door. It’s been around 4 months since the last time I met both of them – even with the fact that all 3 of us living in Bangkok and being in the same television station for few times. We decide to have lunch and went shopping on Khao San Road before going to our parents place for the family gathering.
Nichan, my older brother, was already there when we arrived at our old house. He came last night with his wife, Kanya, and his cute little boy, Niran. After 15 minutes of greeting and short conversation, we gets ready for the dinner. We were having a barbeque party in our backyard. My dad, Nichan, and Kanya were busy with the stove while my little sisters were playing with our lovely nephew. I was sitting beside my mom watching the beatiful view in front of us.
“It’s great if we could do this everyday, isn’t it?” My mom wondering aloud.
“Yes Mom, it’ll be awesome.” I can’t help but to smile as I was imagining it. It’s gonna be great indeed. I hold my mom hands and I feel warm. I'm content – at least for now.
The dinner was over. Everyone else were already inside the house, watching TV or just chatting with each others. I was still sitting outside with Nichan, we just finished cleaning up the backyard. We used to sitting here like this years ago while we were just a little kids. But time passed so fast that we can’t even remember those times.
“Gwenchana?” Nichan asked me as he kept on staring to the night sky.
I was startled. It’s been a long time since anyone talked to me using Korean. “Mollayo.” I answered, unsure.
“You need to let it all go, it’s all in the past now. Everyone living their life happily, aren’t they? Don’t stress yourself out.”
“You don’t know what I feel.” I know he’s right and that’s why it hurts. I know I shouldn’t overthinking about it. I was one of the most famous artist in Thailand. I have starred on 4 television series and another 2 in progress ever since I came back here. Nowadays I was busy as a model and also public figure. I have my own talkshow program every Saturday night. Everything was going great for me, but somehow I feel so lost.
“How do you feel then?” He turned his head to look at me. Waiting.
After all this year, Nichan was one of the few people I always trusted. He knows almost everything that happened in the end of my carreer as an Idol. I told him almost everything about 2PM and what ever happened between the group. Almost.
“I guess I just lonely. It was hard to be completely alone when I used to live and work with a team.” I said truthfully.
“Is that why you kept yourself busy? So you wouldn’t feel alone?” He asked me, searching for my eyes. I just nodded and refused to look at him.
“Don’t be Khunnie. We’re all here for you.” Nichan said as he stand up. “Let’s go inside. It’s late, you need to leave early tomorrow, right?”
“You go first. I need to thinking about something.” I told him.
“Maybe that’s why you feel so lonely, because you kept on thinking by yourself.” He said as he walked to the house. “You need to meet a girl Khunnie, dating. It's definitely more effective rather than keep on working like a mad-man. You're going to forget about them when you fall in love.” Nichan said for the last time before he closed the door.
I know he was joking in his last comments, but I can’t help to give it a thought. Should I?
“Another new girlfriend or just another fans?”
Tasha asked me in the middle of our break. If it was another person, I would have screaming and telling them to mind their own bussiness. But it was Nattasha Lauhachai. I met her 5 years ago in a magazine photoshoot. She is one of the best fashion photographer in Thailand and we’ve been working on so many projects together for long enough to know each others habits. Just like how I know her great interest in films directing, she knows almost every different girls I’ve ever been dated. So, it wasn’t a surprise when she asked me about this girl who keeps on eyeing my every move.
“Both.” I simply said. Trying not to care of the girl we're talking about who’ve been waiting for me since 2 hours ago.
“You’re really something, aren’t you?” Tasha mocking on me. “She’s beautiful. Better than the last time, you know, the talkative one.”
“Thank you. It seems like you have a lot interest in me, perhaps you wanted to be the next one, huh?” I said jokingly for hundred times. She just laughed, amused. It's not that I haven't thought about it. Tasha is a really good girl. She's smart, cheerful, and an independent girl. She has a beautiful face with a little eyes and dimples. She was a bit tomboyish and really confidence with her talent. We get along well after all this years, we often confide on each others whenever we got a problem. But she's just a good friend of mine. Nothing's more.
“You’re such a flirts. Let’s just get back to work, that girl was jealous enough already.” Tasha walked away, taking her camera and checking the lighting.
I took few seconds to look across the hall to my – supposed to be – girlfriend. She still watching over me with a smile in her face. It’s not right. I never meant to be a jerk like this. Aaargh! How come my life turned into such a mess like this. I should just tell her the truth. Soon.
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