He swept the sweat off his face with a towel, bowing and saying thank you to everyone he saw in his way back to the changing room. He just finished the last concert in his Europe Tour agenda. Berlin was the last stop and tomorrow he’s going home to Korea after 26 days on the roads. Germany always have been such a memorial place for him. Not only because the warm and welcome his fans gave, but also the memories of his old time. The memories of his friends and brothers, not by blood, but their bonds weren’t losing to the one that did, maybe even stronger.

His mind turned back to 2013. 2PM just released their 3rd album. He remembered how they went here before, attending a commemorative concert. They spent few days here after the concert. They toured around the city, took some pictures, and bought some souvenirs. It was one of the rare vacation they could get in the middle of their tight schedules. They decided to had a photoshoot and made a video documentary of their last day in Germany. It turned out the company thought that the video was good enough to be a music video, so they released it for their Japan comeback.

Now, everything just became memories. The one thing that he always hold so dearly. He never thought that he would ever missed that moment, but tonight he did. As he recalled all the good memories of the old days inside his mind, he saw his manager – Lee Ju Seob, he probably was the only one from the old time that stayed the same – peeked through the door and said, “Minjun-ah let’s go eat something, or get some drinks, perhaps? Let's just celebrate your success.”

Two hours later, he found himself sitting in the middle of a Korean food restaurant somewhere on the  City West of Berlin with all of his crews. They’re all laughing and talking happily with each others about the final concert, which is such a huge success. But somehow, Minjun just couldn’t get along with everyone happiness. He was drowning in his own thought about a definition of a successful concert, about Germany and what's ever happened here, about 2PM.

“Yah Minjun-ah! Our greatest singer, what are you thinking about?” Ju Seob asked.

Startled, he just gave him a polite smile.

“Yah Minjun-ah! What are you thinking?” Taec asked with a worried tone.

He hadn’t said anything since they settled on the restaurant. He usually was the noisiest one, so it was a strange thing for s when he was being so quiet. He blinked his eyes and laughed bitterly.

“I just can’t believe that only 2 hours left before 2015 comes. Time sure goes fast.” Minjun said finally.

Everyone lost on their own thought as soon as they heard Minjun answer. They’re reminiscing over everything that has happened this year. They released 2 albums as a group, one in Japan and one in Korea. It was a huge success, both in Korea and Japan, even worldwide, rather than their 2013 comeback. Minjun finally got the chance to try a solo stage. Taecyeon, Chansung, and Junho, each has done 2 dramas and a movie this year. Wooyoung became a regular MC on one of Korea biggest TV’s variety show. Nichkhun, he wrote 3 songs for their last album. Afterall, everyone was doing great, not just as 2PM, but also as an individual artist.

“What’s going to happen next year? All of our contract ended in 2015, right?” Minjun said again, breaking the silence.

Everyone just nodding their head, agreeing with what their oldest member had just said. It wasn’t an easy things to say. Everyone seems to avoiding this issue, hoping that without discussing it they could save all the problems it would bring for later. But they couldn’t ran from it tonight. The new year was near and they should make a new plan, a resolution.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve been thinking to go to military next year. I’m sure you’ve heard about it.”

“You’ve mentioned it to the whole wide world Taeckie.” Nichkhun pointed out and everyone was laughing for a moment.

“Next year gonna be the perfect time. We can going together, just like how we said before.” Minjun said. He’d thought about it over the past few weeks. They’ve said it before in an interview that they’re going to enlisting together. Nichkhun – as  he was a Thai citizens – would take care of 2PM in the meantime. They could fulfill their words, they could finished their duty together, and comeback together as a group. It was a perfect plans.

One thing that he hadn’t thought was that every plan have flaws, and sometime, they can’t help it but to make another one.

Last night ended better than Minjun thought. He was drunk enough to fell asleep for 8 hours without having any other thought about the past. Even when his head ached so much from the hangover the next day, he’d no time to reminiscing over again as he need to catch his flight home.

However, he couldn’t help it but to caught up on another memories of his old days. All the ‘in the past...’ or ‘usually...’ were always overtaking his mind. Every little thing he did nowadays just feel so wrong. Just like today, as he walked down the airport hall with a poker face on. There was few fans waiting for him, holding a camera or just waving and screaming his name, some even giving him a gift. In the past, I would hear 5 others name screamed by the fans and we used to have a contest of whose name  called the loudest. All he could do now was smiling bitterly, alone.

Korea. He really missed being home. The company gave him 2 days off before he started another works. Of course he wanted to enjoy his day off, but deep down he just couldn’t. His mind always clouded up with all the memories of his earlier career whenever it left idle.

For the past 2 days after his arrival, he only went home for 4 hours the longest. His home was treated more like a hotel actually. He basically spent more of his time in the studio. Writing and composing songs, pouring all his heart and mind into lyrics and melodies. He kept his mind and body busy so he didn’t need to think of anything else and to talk with anyone – they know how Minjun hate to be disturbed when he was working. He eventually forgot everything that bothering him ever since the beginning of his solo career. The only things that still upset him was that he need to keep on reminding his brain that he make the song for himself. There’s no need for him to divided which part fitted which member, or  thought about how some song was better sung by this member. The only things that if he ever be honest, really missed to do.

Sometime he thought that he must be so greedy. He couldn’t even gave himself a rest. It was true that being a solo artist was his biggest dream since he was a little boy. But as he grow up and grow old, being on 2PM changed his previous idea. Debuting as 2PM member was his dream comes true. And now that his dream was no more, all he could did was making the best out of his present. 

That was why he couldn’t wait to start working again. Even when he just finished touring for a month, he just couldn’t wait to be up on the stage again. Because somehow, the stage was the only place that could make him feel safe, no matter how incomplete it is. He wanted to face the crowds, singing his heart out, letting go every frustration he have. He wanted people to heard him and he wanted to hear what people gonna say about him. The stage that gave him strengths, smiles, tears, hopes, and...guilt. The stage that now belong to him and him only.