Walking down Xiang riverbank in the middle of February night wasn’t a really good idea. It’s not really that cold – Seoul sure was colder – but it doesn’t mean that it’s warm enough to just wearing an old t-shirt and denim jacket. So why I’m here tonight? It’s all her fault, of course it’s her fault, or maybe, it was my own fault.

It was only 2 days since the first time I set my foot in Changsha. It’s a beautiful city, I might say, but something about this city felt so wrong for me. Over the years Changsha has become an entertainment center in China. There was a lot of TV station here and they produced a lot of famous program through the country. But since it isn’t a geography or culture studies lecture, so I’ll just skip to the important part, entertainment art. It was something that has been haunting me ever since I decide to retired from the spotlight.

So why I’m here actually? It’s all because of Jia. Yeah, that Meng Jia, that girl who’ve been changing her hair colour for hundred times, that girl whose I admire for her awesome flexibility. No, we’re not dating, I was here for a completely professional reason. It’s ironic somehow to talk about profesionalism while I just ran out of a supposed  to be the most important dinner in my – new – carreer history. But tonight, I just can’t deal with it all.

It was one normal weekend in the military, I was told that I have a phone call waiting for me. It happened rarely so I was kind of excited to get this call, from whoever it was. I remembered my mom and dad has called me 6 times ever since I was settled in the navy base. Beside my parents, the only phone call that I ever got was twice from Khun Hyung, one from Minjun Hyung, and one from Taec Hyung, but it was a long time ago that I don’t remember what we’re talking about anymore.

“Yah Jang Wooyoung, aren’t you missing me?” The man on the other side said as soon as I said hello.

“Hyung why are you so loud? I’m not your captain, you know. But yeah, I missed you so much that I’ve made a song for you.” I said sarcastically.

“What’s the title? Should I write the rap parts?”

“It might be a good idea, I named it ‘Go Away’, it written specially for you.” I said mockingly.

“Wooyoung-ah I know you can’t forget me and you want me to go away from your mind, but you know I can’t. I will always stay in your heart.” Typical Ok Taecyeon's flirty joke. Even being in the military hadn’t change him.

“Why are you calling me Hyung? You really are wasting my time.” I whined. As much as I wanted to joking with him for hours, we can’t, it’s military after all.

“Okay, let’s get to the point.” Formal Ok Taecyeon get in action. “Your serving time is going to be over in 3 weeks, isn’t it? Do you have any plan after that?”

“Ah about that, I honestly didn’t realized it’s almost over Hyung. How come that you’re the one who remember Hyung?  Are you marking your calendar everyday?” I asked him, amused.

“Yes, I am.” He answered, short and firm. 

I was about to said “For real?” but I decide not to. Of course it’s real, it’s Ok Taecyeon that we’re talking about. He was someone who would do that if he need to. He take a good care of everyone around him. He might be acting cute or being goofy all the time, but he always have those charismatic side to him. Just like how he called me tonight, only to asked my next plan. This part of him made him trusted by a lot of people, no exceptionally, me. Because of him, there was times when I lost in a deep thought about myself. What about me? What part of Jang Wooyoung that people see?

“Woo? Are you still there?”

His voice send me back to the reality. It’s not the right time to lost in thought. “Hmmm.” I mumbled. “I haven’t thought about it Hyung. But I’m sure it’s not going to be different from my old plan. I mean, I’m not going to comeback as soon as I released. I might spent few days here in Busan, staying with my parents and all. Maybe we can get back to Seoul together Hyung.”

“Are you really going to wait for 3 months just to go to Seoul? Chansung is going to be released in the same time with you, perhaps you want to see him.” 

So it’s not just me that Taecyeon Hyung keep tab on – it’s weird why I even thinking about it, I must’ve sounded like a jealous girlfriend. He was right though, Chansung and I was enlisted to the marines only for 21 months, while the rest of us were serving for about 24 months.The only different between both of us was just the base we were located. 

“I’m just saying some possiblity Hyung. Who knows that I might ended up leaving Korea after a week and no one wouldn’t even know?” I said jokingly. What if I really do that?

“Ni hao! Ni hao!” That was all I could say as soon as I get in to the restaurant. Being multilingual – even only with a minimal vocabulary – was something that I always cherished from being an Idol. Over the years, it was something that helped me the most, beside my dancing and singing. 

So what I’m doing here? What I’m doing in the middle of chinese people who’ve been smiling and welcoming me warmly? The answer was right there, sitting at the end of the table, smiling widely as soon as her eyes saw my presence. 

“Oppa, yeogie!” She said while pointing at the empty seat in her right side. I could easily hear her voice over the loud crowds since she was the only one who using Korean here. We exchanged a hug before I get to my seat. It’s really nice to meet an old friend after such a long time.

“So, everyone, this is Wooyoung.” Jia introduced me to the crowds – I guess, my Mandarin is not really that good, you know. “He’s going to help us with the interior of our studios.”

Everyone was looking at me as Jia talking and all I did was smiling, acting like I know exactly what she just said. I was caught once she stopped. She gave me a glance and somehow I get her message, go on, I’ll help you. 

I was explaining my ideas vigorously, while Jia translated it so everyone could understand. I really wanted to do well in this project, not only it would bring so much profit to my firms, but also because it was Jia, it was someone I know well enough that I didn’t want to disappoint. Beside the fact that I need to design something that I really loved myself. Long story short, Jia decided to went home to China once her contract with JYP over, she actually got a lot of offer to continue her carreer as celebrity, but somehow she declined it all. She prefer to come back to Hunan, her hometown, and build a dance school on her own. Why? “Because dancing could save someone life Oppa, just like how it save me, and maybe, you.” She said to me few days ago. Yeah, dancing obviously save my life, but maybe not tonight.

We finally have our dinner after 2 long hours of discussion about the design. I don’t really know how it started, but somehow someone asked me why I just become the interior’s designer and didn’t become one of the trainer instead. “Nowadays I dance because I want to dance, not because I have to dance,” I said simply. I might not exactly get what they were asking me, but I know it was something that I don’t feel like talking about with them. Jia was helping me to answer their questions though, but everyone keeps on asking me why I gave up dancing. They didn’t know what exactly happened and the fact that I was still dancing in my free time was completely ignored. I was really overwhelmed. I need some fresh air, I need to get out, fast. The next thing I know is that I got up from my seat and stumbled out the door to the crowded road of Huang Xing.

“Woodongie I miss you!!” A man with a model-like body screamed out loud as soon as he come in the cafe.

“Yah shut up, will you? We’re not in the military anymore!” I scolded him while he seated himself in front of me. “But I miss you too Chansung-ah. Even though you look like a real men now, but you’re still a maknae for me.” I told him truthfully. Military only make his body shaped even better.

“Look who said it. Lot of people still think that you’re the maknae Woodong.” We both laughed to the irony of his answer. “Somehow, being in the navy was even more effective rather than going to the gym everyday,” he added. 

“Don’t you remember that I went to the navy too? How come my body was still the same?” I snorted at his comment.

“Well you looked even more muscular though.” He was probably right. I’m still pretty much in shape for someone who’ve been being lazy for a week.

After released from military I stayed at my parent’s place in Busan. I still have 3 months ahead before I had to go back to work, so I decide to enjoy my free time to the fullest. I spent the first two days being a civilian again mostly by sleeping. I only got out from my room for lunch, dinner, and peeing. My parents must’ve been very angry watching their only son being this lazy, but somehow they understand. I’ve been away from home ever since I was just a teenager. For the past 10 years, I had only being home for 2 weeks at most every year – that was considered as lucky already. Then I went straight to the military for 2 years, so now that I have my freedom, they let me to do whatever I want. Still, I have a good conscience, so I spent the next few days after my hibernation being a good son and brother. I went fishing with my Dad, went shopping with my Mom, baby-sitting my cousin – yeah, Junhwa married already, finally no one asked me for her number anymore – for almost a week. 

Beside spending time with my family, I tend to let my foot took me to wherever they want around Busan every afternoon, walking down every little street, up and down the hills, reaching the seashore, it was really fun. Finding a new place that I hadn’t know before or just admiring the beautiful scenery of my hometown, it reminds me that I’m not growing alone, everyone and everything in this world change just in matter of time. It make me feel like I was a new person, someone who didn’t know anything and little by little learning to understand the world that he live in.  

“So what are you doing for a week Chansung-ah?” I asked him after I told my story.

“Well basically I just spent my days helping my mother, just like how you said, doing my responsibility as a son who barely being home for so many years.” He answered while his mouth keep on chewing the banana pancake he ordered. Some things never really changed, Chansung’s love for a food is one of them.

“So how Junho? Did you talk with him before coming back here?” He just nodding his head since his mouth was still full. “I visited Taec Hyung few days ago, he looked really great, air forces suit him, he boasted on how he could fly an airplane now. I also talking with Daegu-halabeoji before, he said he couldn’t wait to comeback to Seoul again. He wrote a lot of song that he wanted to worked on.” I finished my words to let Chansung talked since he already finished his food, but who I’m kidding, he called the waitress to order another plate. It wasn’t something new to see him eating like a monster so I just chuckled at his antics.

He looked at me unamused. “Ah about that I met with Junho before I released. He said that he can’t wait to comeback as 2PM, it’s gonna be funny to be up on stage with a shaved head, Khun Hyung should shaved too, it could be our new hairstyle for the next album.” He said, trying to divert the topic of his eating behaviours. 

I was laughing so hard at his words. It’s an incredible plan, I might need another shave though, since my hair was growing really fast. 

“Speaking of Khun Hyung, have you talked with him?” Chansung asked as he start to eat his second plate.

I slightly shake my head.

“That’s weird, usually both of you were the one who always checked on each other.” He commented. “I called him few days ago, he was in the middle of photoshoot for a new UNICEF campaign. He said he couldn’t come to Korea for another 4 or 5 weeks since his schedule already full-booked.” Chansung said after he looked at my sad expression.

“Yeah, he must’ve been real busy to not calling me.” I said rhetorically. A lot of people thought that the relationship between each member of an Idol group was simply a strategy to get them famous, it might be true in some case, but 2PM, it’s far more than just colleagues. We’re best friends, brothers, a family. Everyone is close with each other, but you couldn’t deny that even in a group you have someone you’ll gonna be closer, and Khun Hyung is that someone for me. We just really clicked with each other. From art, music taste, fashion, even a girl that we like – it’s one of the sensitive topic that I shouldn’t have think about, especially for now.

“Why don’t you just call him? He’ll picked up no matter how busy he is Woo. I called him already, it’s strange that you hadn’t. I’m going to be his favourite dongsaeng now.” Chansung chuckled at his own thought.

For the rest of the lunch, my mind was clouded up with so many question. Why he didn’t call me? Why I didn’t just call him first? And the only possible answer I could give myself is that I was scared of the truth. It might be his reason to not calling me too.

Oppa gwenchana? Call me back when you feel like you want to, I’ll wait. Nite.

Jia texted me finally. I know that she must’ve been very frustrated with me ran out like that. She must’ve been very angry too that she gave up calling me and texting me instead – without any emoticons, I must’ve really make her pissed. I should call her first thing tomorrow and apologize.

As I walked down the crowded road that take me back to the hotel, the thought that I have hidden for almost 2 years now surfacing again. For the past 2 years I’ve been spending my life being an interior designer in Singapore after getting my degree in Florence, Italy. My new carreer allows me to go to a lot of new places. I’ve gone to see a musical in Sydney Opera House, diving with one of my client in Hawaii, shopping in a vintage shop in France, or watching soccer in Brazil. It reminds me of those feeling I have when I went around Busan in that one particular week after military. It make me feel a new, like I’ve been born again. 

Tonight, it was different feeling. The atmosphere of Changsha, the river that divide the city, the familiar faces around the city, it reminds me of South Korea. I never been this close to home – it’s not that close though, but still... – and I can’t help but thinking, should I go home now? Should I face the truth? What truth? I don’t even know anymore. Jang Wooyoung, you’re funny. 

Just coming back from an organization training. Somehow I lost my ideas for this story, but don't worry I'll find my way soon. Tell me your ideas, it might help, thank you!!