Present Day, 9:11 pm

He is barricading himself in the CR. No joke. This is a whole new level of craziness, even for Kwon Jiyong.

Being miserable shouldn’t be that hard, in fact, he was honestly doing great a week ago. He was perfectly and utterly beyond any doubt miserable. But with all the twisted turn of events, people he didn’t want to be involved is suddenly all over his place, thanks to his good for nothing friends, he already removed their contacts in his phone and unfriend them in his facebook account (in fact, has already disowned them after their worst betrayal.)

Let’s recap his days of misery:

Day 1: He checked his phone constantly for the whole day. He never let it go, he took it everywhere and made sure that its volume was on “loud” mode. Still, no text.

Day 2: There was still no text or call from Dara, he turned his phone off and hid it on his vault that’s in his closet, he slept on the university lab and busied himself to the point of exhaustion. Who cares if Dara hasn’t contacted him, yet? He cares.

Day 3: He couldn’t resist the temptation, he took out his phone, guess what . . . still no text or voice mail. He couldn’t resist it, he dialed her number and it was out of coverage area. In his frustration, he smashed his phone to smithereens. That note she left was just her subtle way of saying that they are officially over.

Day 4: The “Pity Party of Kwon Jiyong” commenced. Which means, when his alarm at 6;15 buzzed, he snoozed it and when 6:30 came around the corner, he ignored it and slept on. Kwon Jiyong never does that kind of thing. He got out of bed at 11:07 and he didn’t fix his bed and didn’t even brush his teeth. He was just too lazy to do those things. He went to his living room and started watching TV, he ordered in didn’t even bother throwing away the pizza carton on the trash. He slept in front of the TV after drinking 10 bottles of beer.

Day 5: He woke up around 1:13 in the afternoon, he didn’t brush, didn’t take a bath or oven bother changing his clothes. He ordered pizza again and asked his neighbor Daewoong to buy him enough beer to supply his needs for the rest of the day.

Day 6: He was watching the complete season of family outing and he never laughed. At all. Even when Jae Suk was being bullied, in fact, he emphatized with the poor bloke, he now understands the feeling of that bastard when he couldn’t do anything but listen to Lee Hyori. Yes, he has now developed a huge affection to Yoo Jae Suk, if that bastard has an album, he will buy 20 copies of it. Just so Jiyong won’t forget it, he wrote it on his Diary.

Day 7: He felt a disturbance in the air, he was nestled in his sweet sofa when he heard loud knocks on the door, he glanced at his clock, it was already 2:15! His pizza! Hail the holy heavens above! It’s pizza time beybe!

-***

Jiyong’s days were so messed up that he has no notion of time anymore. It has been his been a ritual between him and his friends to ‘geek out’ at least once a week, last week the friends ‘geeked’ out in Top’s house since he is the eldest and he said it was okay to do it in his place for a change, but it was usually Jiyong who would host it. Last week, Jiyong was a no-show, it was cool, they understand. But it was a Saturday morning, with nothing else to do, they decided (TOP, Young Bae, Daesung and Seungri) to check on Jiyong since he hasn’t been going to the university and his phone is out of reach and his telephone line just keeps on ringing.

Thus, at exactly 2:10 in the afternoon they were promptly in Kwon Jiyong’s doorstep.

Despite the door being closed, they could smell a hint of something utterly disgusting and they can’t even place the smell and it even made Lee Seungri gag and to think that he was a microbiologist, and the fact remains that he has already smelled a lot of nasty things in his laboratory experiments.

The friends looked at each other daring one another to who will knock on Jiyong’s door. They were in an impasse since no one seems to knock on his door, it’s as if there was a dementor waiting behind Jiyong’s door.

*****

A pizza delivery guy was dreading the thought of delivering the 5 boxes of pizza despite of receiving a huge tip each time he delivers it to Smelly Kwon’s apartment, when he saw 4 guys standing in front of that dude’s door, he felt utterly excited.

“Are you the dude’s friends?!” They didn’t look like a slob but there’s still hope. “You have to be his friends.” The pizza delivery guy, an 18 year old, just graduated high school named Han Tae Shin, just can’t take another whiff of smelly kwon. So excuse him for being desperate.

“Why? What’s wrong?” The tall man asked, clearly bewildered.

He was hyperventilating by now, “Why?? That man is completely . . .” disgusting, gross, revolting, sickening, filty, nauseating, nasty, awful all of the above, but he’ll just use the easiest word to describe smelly kwon, “. . . dirty.”

The guys looked at each other weirdly as if not believing him, his phone rang and answered it immediately, “Hyung, I’m already here, I’ll just knock on his door, I’ll move fast and ran as fast as I can.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” The chinky-eyed man asked.

He glared at them, “The best question is, what the hell is wrong with your friend?”

“You have no idea huh?” He shook his head, “I’ll show you.”

Shin shook his head and braced himself, he knocked on smelly kwon’s door and after 10 seconds the door opened with smelly kwon staring back at them. He had bloodshot eyes, a shirt that highly resembles a rag, hair that’s sticking on his head from sweat, disgusting yellow teeth partnered with a beard. Shin can’t bear it anymore, he grabbed the money on his hands and shoved the box in one of the guys and ran as if his was on fire.

He’s had enough of smelly kwon’s sordid tales of heartache.

8888

“Hyung?”

“Ji?”

“Bro?”

“Ji hyung?”

Kwon Jiyong smiled groggily at his friends, “Wassup brothers.”

They seriously didn’t see this coming. Kwon Jiyong was a neat freak, he prided himself for having an organized apartment and made sure he rubs that fact in his friends faces. However, his apartment as of the moment with the lack of a better term was a PIGSTY, the word dirty is an understatement. They followed him inside as they warily looked around the place, beer bottles everywhere, cartons and Lee Seungri even braved himself and opened a carton and instantly closed the lid.

“That is just wrong.” Daesung said with horror.

Top couldn’t bear it any longer, “What the hell happened Ji?”

Kwon Jiyong looked at them clearly for the first time, “Dara happened.” He hissed.

“Okay, how about you go to the shower and then we’ll talk.” Young Bae like a mother hen. He stepped closer to him and flinched when he got a whiff of Jiyong’s breath.

“Get away from me.” Jiyong said haughtily, “I just want to eat pizza and watch TV, if you don’t want to hang out, then leave.”

The four friends looked at each other and with a look, they formed a plan, and that is to tackle Kwon Jiyong and force him to take a well needed hygiene check.

Two words: EPIC FAIL.

After a good struggle for 30 long minutes, they were shoved out of the door.

“Hyung, that was just nasty. What are we gonna do? We can’t just leave him rotting like that!” Lee seungri, their ever loving, cold maknae was seriously worried for Jiyong.

Daesung took out his phone, “Guys, it’s time to call the big guns.” And they all nodded solemnly.

88888

Present day, 6:23 pm

Kwon Jiyong is not usually like this, in real life, he is a well-respected, ‘newly’-good-looking-geeky professor in Seoul University. His apartment was usually clean unlike it’s current state (curtains drawn, empty cartons of take-outs and bottles of beers scattered all over, the like)

In his hazy mind, he has diagnosed himself as temporarily insane. Or, he’s just sick.

Yep. He is temporarily sick and he’s just going through a lapse of sanity. He won’t be remotely surprised if he developed some sort of influenza.

There was a banging on his door. Gods. Can’t his friends get a hint? All he wants is to be miserable again. Is that too much to ask?

“Ji! Get a hold of yourself and go shower!” Top hyung hollered and I completely ignored his existence. Soon enough, the pounding on his door stopped, he called the doorman and strictly instructed him to never let his friends set foot inside and anywhere near his apartment door, he opened his TV and was already in the midst of watching re-runs of Family Outing, Yoo Jae Suk was once again being perpetually bullied by Lee Hyo Ri and he can’t help but feel sorry for the dude.

He was already on episode 97 when his door was being pounded mercilessly, he ignored it. So sure that it was one of his friends calling him again. He already instructed the doorman to never let his friends set foot on his apartment just a few minutes ago. He snuggled on his seat and held on his new bestfriend “blanky” the blanket and took another swig on his 5th bottle for the day.

“Son? Kwon Jiyong?! You better open this door!” The voice he never expected to hear screeched right through his door. He is just hearing things. He threw away the beer and looked at it disgustingly, whatever was inside that beer is making him hear things. He didn’t hear his –

“Kwon Jiyong! I demand you to open this door!” Another loud banging on his door and it was confirmed, it is definitely his MOTHER.

ing hell.

ity .

He is one step away from pissing on his pants. Hell and damnation. He is screwed. He glanced at the mirror, he visibly flinched at his own reflection and he just knew that hell is a nicer place. Maybe if he ignored his mom long enough, she’ll leave him alone.

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