Hello new diary, I’m Sungmin. Yeah I just bought this diary because my old pinky runs out of page.

Dear diary, sometimes, god just won’t let anything going smoothly. Even for the most perfect plan. And it’s all happens, to my love life. Well, off.

I’m not the prettiest girl on earth. Nobody will agree on it. But let’s just say, I’m quite content with my own face, despite the imperfection here and there, still, I have somebody who loves me the way I am. But it was long time ago, when I still loved. You know what? Now, I even find disgusted as myself, I feel like I’m a pathetic . I started to envy the girls who look like they have found their love of their life (even if it’s far, far, away from their true love) because they seemed so happy, so lovable (at least eunhyuk, heechul and mimi seemed happy) . Not that I don’t have someone to share, but really, having your best friend turned into your boyfriend is little awkward, let alone we have a long distance relationship. Oh don’t you know that I and henry is dating now? But Henry moved to Canada :( We even stand on the different continent, with the difference 11 hours of time. The fact is, I still feel lonely. Yes, and that’s the main point. I’m a lonely . I don’t want myself turn into a cheating , because cheating is never my piece of cake. But boy, loneliness up my pride… I know that when I found myself turning into flirting (Let me clear some points; don’t assume that the phrase is literally a , it just for a comparison)
….I’m not turn to flirting mode completely. I don’t want to lose my pride completely. I’m this kind of girl; I have nothing else to defend except my pride. And confidence. 

Ironically, I do blab about confidence when I have none of it when it comes to self-loving.
Simply, I feel unloved.


P.S: I’m telling you something. It’s secret. What will you do, if you suddenly found out that you’ve already fallen into a guy, whose already has a girlfriend, and your best friend is his ex who’s still not over him? I found that I had a crush toward Kyuhyun… my hoobae in the choir team. He’s Mimi’s ex, for god’s sake! Moreover he dates Seohyun now. People knows how she doesn’t like to share her ‘property’ . but really, Kyuhyun attract me so much. I’m kinda feel bad to henry now. What do I do, dear pinky? (Yes, your name is pinky now. Don’t say I’m not creative. I just love pink)

I’m not the type who happily forgets my friend’s agony for my own happiness. I’m not a dementor, let alone a backstabber.
And some of you maybe will advise me to forget it; I tried, because actually it’s hurt seeing the one you adores so much not even bother to look at you respectfully. And I don’t have enough guts to betray my friend and start flirt properly.
Oh, have I told you that ‘he’ is younger than me? That makes me more pathetic, isn’t it? Just one year but still… 



……..I just can’t forget this feeling and sunk it to the deepest part of my brain so it never pops out again. 



Sadly, (maybe) I’ve fallen too deep. 





A/N: Should I continue it? Comments are loved :*