The Man Who Can't Be Moved
Description
not a fanfic. it's my personal matter
Foreword
So, I’m all on myself again, finally. Well I told you that I just broke up with my current boyfriend – now ex boyfriend– yes, the latest boyfriend of mine, Mr. Fadarel Arastyadiza Syailendra was found (admit that he was) dating a Singaporean Hottie. Well, I could stand it. Feeling a little betrayed, yes. But not enough to make me cry a river. Since we were best friend for almost 7 years now, I know almost his traits, so I had no choice but to let him go. We still best friend, anyway, he called me on his spare time too. After this broke up session, I didn’t feel anything unusual, it feels so damn right. I don’t know why. Yes, I loved him, I care about him and I gained attention from him. But what I get is all the same with my best friend state with him (except countless I love you-s and it meant) I found that I (I don’t know why thou) still have a fling with my first boyfriend back in High School (I’ll call him Mr. E further).
It’s says that High School gives you unforgettable memories, right. It applies to me. And some says that the first always have bond to us, whatever that “first” stands for. Hm... No. Mr. F wasn’t my first boyfriend. I’ve already had 3 or 4 ex-es during the middle school so Mr. F wasn’t really my first. Then I analyzed the first phrase. High school gives you unforgettable memories and the first always have bond to us, somehow, it makes sense. First, Mr. E was my first in high school. So what it makes? Think about it, FIRST in HIGH SCHOOL equals UNFORGETTABLE and BOND. I acknowledge that my explanation is rather silly. But I found it ridiculously true because I can’t even find an exact reason on why I still want him in my life. So I recalled all the memories that we used to share, back then, we weren’t the sweetest couple on earth. Some of people even didn’t know that we were a couple. But there’s a thing in the way he looked at me, the way he called me honey, the way he held my hands, I miss it all. Our story ended with... I could say a cliffhanging beside it only lasted for about 3 weeks or 1 month. Because we broke up due to nothing in particular and we were just as fine as Romeo and Juliette the day before. I told my friends that we broke up because of Facebook’s relationship status. Never thought that my friend would buy it because oh god it’s so ing ridiculous but they believed it so yeah... even Mr. E, he also didn’t know the reason why we crushed our story. Silly, right?
I moved on, of course, with 6 other man (including my own best friend, a neighbor, and an unidentified foreigner) one of those relationship lasted for about 1,3 years but it had no effect to my current life now. Even when I was in that longest relationship, I can’t help but blush every time my friend teased me about Mr. E. until now, I found myself blushed hard if someone mentioning his name to me. Moreover, our relationship is kind of awkward. We barely talked to each other except there are life-death matters. I don’t know what possessed me that make me longing to him for almost 3 years now. It might be a pure love, since I never feel this way to another man, or it might be a curiosity that makes me longing for him. And the rumor that he hasn’t had a girl friend after broke up with me (at least until 6 months ago, I thought. I might be wrong, of course, I’m not a perfect princess, it’s very normal to moved on after me) raised my hope for him. I have his contacts. Phone number (that I unconsciously remembered by heart, it’s linger anyway) even blackberry messenger pin. I just don’t have enough courage to start again. I’m at loss of words in front of him (virtually or reality) and I’m afraid of people’s judging. *sigh* what should I do?
P.S: to you, Emeraldo Faris Aufar, this all about you –us –. I just want to say that I want to try it once again. To see if it’s – us –working out. Can I have the chance, Do? If somehow you read this, don’t tell me. Don’t tell me and any people. Just contact me if you willing to give me the chance, or avoid me if you don’t. I honestly hesitant whether I should let you go or stays in my memories. I treasure you actually.
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