Dear diary,

God really knows how to raise his people’s hope and then turned it 180 degree to the state of despair.

Today, I went to the charity event that my choir group holds. We’re doing a social work to some orphanage and kid’s hospital. I don’t know whether god just loves me too much or I’m much a sinner that deserves to be tortured. Yes, pinky. My other pinky (that’s my car, don’t mock me because I’m not creative, I just LOVE pink) is being repaired in the garage, so I have to ask Zhou Mi for a lift. Unfortunately, she can’t. She said that she have to helped Yunho with all the logistic thingy. This is kinda suspicious, since she didn’t want anything heavy get in touch with her precious-nail-art-ed-nails. Yes, I dug out more information from her. Guess what? The motive is, a long lost love. Meh. I can’t ask Eunyuk too, she was busy being all lovey dovey with her brand new sweetheart, Donghae. And Heechul… well, she’s just being Heechul. Charity events is never her world (well, except there were Hangeng there, she’ll voluntarily being the nicest angel there) so there, I stuck with useless best friends, with no lift being offered to me. Apparently I just want to withdraw from this event, if it’s not for Kyuhyun patted my shoulder, raising his eyebrows in a playful manner, and ask me “care for a lift?” with his ever infamous smirk. Oh, gosh, pinky you know what? I couldn’t feel my legs at the moment. Looks like its transform into a jelly or something and melted right away. All I could do is nod.

So when the event comes, I stuck in Kyuhyun’s car, and it’s only us both. No one joined his car because he told them not to. Oh, holy Kyuhyun’s authority, only matched by Hangeng, the club’s president. Since Kyuhyun was his cousin, it doesn’t matter to him. And it’s not like the people care, too. They already had their own transportations. So there I was, nervous to death, trying to cover my feeling as deep as I can and acted as casual as friends should be. “Hey, you’re gorgeous today Min” he suddenly blurted out. “Ah? Haha Thanks, not like I don’t aware of it anyway” I tried to cover up my nervousness by being all narcissistic and witty every time he talked to me. “Geez, you narcissistic girl” he managed to said. And then….silence. It was an uncomfortable silence in the car, until Kyuhyun decided to turn the radio on. The awkward silence breaks when he got a call from Hangeng, he wanted to check on me and made sure that his cousins didn’t do anything evil to his girlfriend’s beloved best friend. He said to Hangeng that he won’t do anything bad to me and treated me kindly like I’m the most precious thing in the world (of course with that much of sarcasm and those were said only to stop Hangeng from calling him once every two minutes because Heechul told him so) and yes, I’m happy because the awkward silence was broke off, after the call Kyuhyun was mocking me and told me that I was momma’s girl (he told me that Heechul was far more ahjumma-ish than my mom, so he’d call Heechul my momma)  and nags that he sure he’ll get a nagger sister in law if Hangeng continued his relationship with Heechul. I just smiled at him with an amused looks in my face, holding my hands to smacks him right in his head because really, he speaks too much.

And there was a traffic jam, we both felt really bored and hot because the sun was cruel, it ends up with Kyuhyun walked out of the car, decided to buy us ice creams to cool out our head. “What flavor do you want, Sungmin?” he asked me. “Strawberry, if you don’t mind, I’d like to have a Popsicle” he just nodded, and said “sweet. That’s suits you anyway” before he rushed towards the store across the street.  The traffic was still jamming when Kyuhyun got back to car. It made us have time to finish our ice cream. “Here, you have some in your chin” Kyuhyun said while wiped my chin with a tissue. I froze right away. Oh god, pinky how dare he did that to me? Didn’t he know about my dilemma all along? Oh, wait….he doesn’t. He is completely oblivious of the situation… or should I say my situation right now. After that short-he-was-oblivious-sweet-moment guess what? Yes, we went further. Because the traffic jam is still being a , we decided to go at his brand new Polaroid camera. I know that Kyuhyun had always had a thing with photography, but I wouldn’t think that he would buy a Polaroid camera, the Hello Kitty one of that. “What a cutie” I said to him, earning an odd look from him. “The camera, Kyuhyun-ah. Oh, Hello Kitty!!” I mused. “Shut up, this was Seo-seo’s anniversary gift to me” I immediately feel nauseated at the word seo-seo and anniversary. God! He called the with unbelievably cute name. It doesn’t suit her personality and I don’t think it’s cute anyway, knowing that she is the owner of the cute name. And God, did that even has a brain? She and Kyuhyun weren’t reached their first anniversary…yet (and I don’t hope it would last THAT LONG anyway) Nah, now I envying that worthless . Oh, I feel so pathetic. Yes, you’re pathetic, Lee sungmin! Unrequited love plus endless best friend dilemma is hurt. Enough said. Thanks god that we had already finished our photo-session that time. If wasn’t, maybe I’ll have those y face all over my photos. I’m quite sure that if Seohyun find this, she’ll be more than willing to kill me. He handed me some of our photos, I admitted that I’m quite cute at those photos. I promise I’ll keep them in my private places and inside you of course, my pinky <3 and I’ll keep Zhou Mi’s hand away. And maybe Heechul’s too, since she was betrayal-haters but maybe she can understand my problem. I don’t know, thou.

Nothing significant happened at the event’s place since I busied myself with Zhou Mi. she was being a chatterbox and blurted her experience about her first time riding a motorcycle and nagged about the slavery that Yunho did to her. But she was still flashing a radiant smile to Yunho, thou.  I wonder how the spoiled brat like her could fell into the all masochists Yunho. Besides, he kinda looks like a leader of a gangster despite his gentle voice and powerful dance (just…gangster didn’t dance, okay? And it wouldn’t fit in my wildest imagination) and to think that she isn’t over Kyuhyun….I wonder.

 I thought nothing significant happened until I remembered this. I was wearing a slightly back-revealing top today, and of course, it would attract some men over me. I didn’t bring any jacket that time, when one person annoyed me and being too close with me, Kyuhyun, with all his might pulling me and gave me his blazer (so sweet that I somehow felt like I’m in a drama) and whispered this to me “don’t you dare to wear this top without any jackets on. I hate those people practically drooling over you” his mouth was so close with my face that I thought I was dying right away. Being a jelly again, I just nodded. He then brought his arms into my shoulders, helped me cross the street because he knows I can’t. And when a car nearly bumped me, he pulled me immediately and hugged my waist, whispering “I’m sorry min, my bad. Just, be more careful okay? I’ll protect you” I just melted again. We came across the street; Zhou Mi gave me a certain looks. I know what that meant, what was that? It was once my property, girl friend you were being too close to him I just nodded, not wanted any scene and of course, to keep my friendship with her. Because I’m naïve like that, to think that friendship is number one. Kyuhyun, once again, just oblivious to all what happened. He continued to being a sweetie to me.

…..those sweet acts ended when we had our dinner. It just shattered my heart into pieces. And once again, I realized that I’m pathetic to hope something from him. Be right back after crying, pinky :(