Lee Hae Jin was mourning.

He slid down to the dojang floor with silent tears streaking down his tired face as he murmured sentences that slowly begin to make sense. It was now that Ryu Hwan began to understand the reasons behind his tears. He realized, it wasn't simply about understanding the difficult emotions that came with the loss of a belligerent father who was never around. 

Hae Jin was mourning for the two fathers he never had.   

He cried for a loving father that he would never get to know. The smallest childish dream of a day where his father would walk through his house door sober and smiling - died along with the unrepentant biological father of his.

He cried for the only father figure in his life, the late Master Park. The Master had saved and guided him at a critical time of his younger days, tending to old physical and emotional scars left by his other father. Hae Jin depended on the kind Master for answers to the fears and darkness he faced as a result of an abusive childhood. When Master Park passed on, it was as if Hae Jin lost the only compass he had to get out of his own emotional maze. 

Ryu Hwan sat himself in front of the younger man, still holding onto Hae Jin's fists, while silently watching the tears fall onto the bloodied fists. 

All this time, Hae Jin hid these insecurities beneath that soft smile of his. Beneath the gentle smile of his, was a boy who never knew how to love himself. Beneath the strong fighter that he was, was a boy who never allowed himself to be loved. Having to learn to protect his mother from a young age, Hae Jin’s responsibilities might have consumed his life, but his emotional scars crippled him. 

Up till now, Hae Jin had built an entire life of himself, on the most feeble of foundations - his insecurities and nightmares. Hae Jin was a loving son, a loyal friend, a helpful student, a talented fighter... but he lived precariously on the cracked foundation. Cracks that were waiting to implode on him, like now. Ryu Hwan’s heart clenched painfully.

Now that his nightmares caught up with him, Hae Jin could not hide from them. He would have  had to face them sooner or later, Ryu Hwan thought. Ignorance was never going to solve Hae Jin’s problem, and he wanted to get rid of all these baseless nightmares that had crippled this beautiful man. 

But for now, Hae Jin was mourning, and that was needed, Ryu Hwan decided. He should've done so since the Master passed, but it was never too late.

Ryu Hwan cleaned the boy's bloodied hands with his uniform. 

Gradually, the sobs died down. Ryu Hwan waited for the younger boy to lift his head before speaking. 

"Let's go home." 

---------

The walk home was still silent, but it was different from the suffocating quiet that filled the house for the past few days. 

Ryu Hwan hadn't let go of Hae Jin's hand since he held it in the dojang. Whether it was subconscious or not, the younger man had held onto his right hand as Ryu Hwan swung both their bags onto his left shoulder and locked up Master Park's dojang. 

Even as they entered the quiet house, Hae Jin had given their intertwined fingers a light squeeze before heading for a bath.

Hae Jin was depending on him, it didn't matter if he intended to or not.

While waiting, Ryu Hwan settled himself on the floor in the guest room where he slept. As Hae Jin entered the guestroom to greet the captain, Ryu Hwan beckoned the younger man to sit. Pulling out some cloth bandages from his training bag, Ryu Hwan quietly began to wrap them around the fingers that had hit the hard wall. It was one thing to hit human flesh, and quite another to bear the full impact of a hard wall. 

Hae Jin quietly watched the captain while he carefully bandaged his fingers. Just as he was completing the bandaging, Ryu Hwan broke the silence they shared since leaving the dojang. 

"Hae Jin-ah, you are one of the kindest, the kindest I know. It’s beautiful. I see it in your training, in the way you live your life, the way you treat everyone around you. It’s how Master Park would have wanted you to be.” 

Ryu Hwan paused, taking in the tiny smile that graced the younger man’s face. 

“There are people out there, who wish they could give you a little of what you’ve given them. Hae Jin-ah...” 

Hae Jin looked up from his bandages.

“...don’t forget to take. Let us in.” 

Ryu Hwan gave the boy’s bandaged hands one last check. He made to stand to head to bathe, but not without grazing that tiny smile with his fingers.

By the time Ryu Hwan finished with his bath, Hae Jin had already retired into the room he used to share with his mother. The lights in his room were already out. 

Turning off the lights in his own room, Ryu Hwan lay down on his Yo. 

There was some semblance of progress today. Ryu Hwan thought, after the incident at the dojang, that he could start to understand a little more of what made Hae Jin the way he was today.

Little steps, Ryu Hwan thought. 

One at a time.

========

Ryu Hwan felt movements break the stillness of his room before he heard the unsure shuffling of Hae Jin’s feet. 

“Hae Jin?” Ryu Hwan lifted himself on his elbows as he gave his face a quick rub before looking at the boy standing at the doorway of the guestroom.

“Hyung... could I... I haven’t been sleeping much over there... there’re too many memories in my room...”

Of course...He’s been sleeping badly all this while. 

Wasting no time in waiting for Hae Jin to finally properly word his request, Ryu Hwan replied, “Okay.”

“Thank you so much, hyung. Let me go and get my yo...”

“Nonsense.”

 Ryu Hwan shifted over and beckoned the younger boy to lie down. 

“There’s more than enough space for the both of us. No need to waste more sleep worrying about that.”

“Hyung, would it really be-”

“Come to bed.” Only later on that morning had Ryu Hwan realize the double meaning behind his statement. But he couldn’t bring himself to regret the mistake in his words. In fact, he decided he liked how it sounded. 

Ryu Hwan gently tugged onto Hae Jin’s wrists, before the younger boy slowly lowered himself onto the mattress. 

“Let’s sleep well, Hae Jin-ah.”

“Neh, Hyung.” 

He threw the blanket over the both of them before lying on his back. 

“You ok there?” Ryu Hwan asked. 

“Neh, Hyung.” He heard the muffled answer next to him. 

As darkness and silence resumed in the stillness of the room, Ryu Hwan slowly became very aware of the monumental moment that had just passed between them. Hae Jin was reaching out to him, voluntarily. A rush of unbridled protectiveness overcame him. All these years, he had led his team to the best of his abilities, done his best to make his parents proud in his writing, lived by Master Jung’s training,... it was his duty, and he was honored to carry them out well. But this protectiveness that he felt for the man laying next to him, this was a foreign feeling. He wanted to fight his fights, wanted to shelter him from the emotional backlash they had witnessed tonight, and wanted to be anything, and everything Hae Jin wanted him to be. 

The need to protect was so strong, that it should have bewildered him. But it felt right. Like it should have been the case, all this while. Was it when they first met in the infirmary? Or was it when he first saw Hae Jin’s lone figure in the art room facing the ruined drawing of his mother? In fact... now he couldn’t remember a time where he never felt like this. 

Ryu Hwan opened his eyes and stared into the darkness as he started, “As long as you need me. As long as you want me to. I’m not leaving. Arasou?” 

Shy, seeking fingers slowly intertwined with Ryu Hwan’s. 

“Neh, Hyung.” Came the soft whisper. 

Ryu Hwan smiled.

========

The first rays of sun light shone through the curtain slits and onto a huge lump on the floor. 

One tentative finger made it’s way out of the sheet, testing the cold morning air. Hae Jin dragged the blanket slightly past his eyes as he blinked himself out of his slumber. Another good night’s sleep, he thought. As lightly as he could, Hae Jin looked up to his right at the reason behind his peaceful nights.

The captain was still asleep, lying sideways on his left. His left arm was extended, though most of it was covered by the blanket that covered him to his shoulders, as well as Hae Jin, whose head rested on the captain's forearm. 

4 days had passed since his breakdown in the dojang, and for 4 days now, he slept in the Captain’s room. 

The first night, they had slept through the night holding hands. Hae Jin remembered waking up in that exact position in the early morning. Feeling slightly embarrassed at their intimacy, he had tried to remove his hand from the captain’s, but Ryu Hwan had only tightened his grip further. 

With his eyes still closed, he had murmured in response to Hae Jin, “Not enough.” 

Hae Jin had promptly blushed to the roots of his hair, nodding to nobody in particular before lying back down and drifting back to sleep.

When the second night came, Hae Jin had thought to perhaps try sleeping in his own room again. He was reluctant to return, but felt bad to depend so much on the captain, who had already done so much for him throughout this nightmare. It seemed though, that the Captain had decided for them that they would now share a bed in the guestroom. 

“Hae Jin-ah, were you cold last night? I think the winter cold is setting in. Time to get the heaters ready.”

“Yes I could feel the chill too. I have one in my room and another-”

“Sounds good! Remember to bring yours over when you come over to sleep.”

Just like how things seemed to always fall into place with the captain around, he had quickly gotten used to their routine, as well as their sometimes slightly intimate sleeping positions... Hae Jin learnt, that he really liked spooning. Well he probably shouldn't have, but the captain's careful touch comforted him. A need that he never knew he needed.

As his eyes traced the handsome features of the sleeping captain’s face, Hae Jin could not stop the myriad of emotions that he felt for the older man.

Two weeks ago Hae Jin had felt relief, guilt and dread when he saw the captain enter the quiet funeral parlor. Torn between relying on the captain or keeping him out of his family affairs, he had strengthened his emotional defenses, and promised himself that they both would return to Seoul as they had came. However, Won Ryu Hwan had single-handedly turned his world upside down. Hae Jin had never intended to bring the captain into the world he himself kept under wraps from even himself. But he had forced his entry like the warrior that he was, wrenched out all the skeletons in his closet, and made him face them. 

Now, Lee Hae Jin was not so sure anymore. 

With the past reopened, all his bearings he held onto were gone. Hae Jin was more lost than before. Yet, he could not ignore the rare calm that took the place of the turmoil of emotions when Ryu Hwan had held onto his hand and elbowed his way into his nightmares. The nightmares were still there, but somehow they looked less ominous. It was almost like the captain had built a wall of defense around him - a wall so strong and formidable like the captain himself - that the darkness itself seemed to shrivel under the Captain’s presence. 

Although the very thought of it still seemed a little too foreign to him, there was no denying now, that he needed to depend on the strength and faith of another. A need that he never knew he needed. Now that the Captain had staked his claim on his nightmares, Hae Jin didn't think he could ever return to the time when he was alone with them. In a matter of days, the captain had swept in and made years of emotional baggage look like the painting stains on his school shirts that could easily be removed with proper chemicals.     

Hae Jin knew the Captain's feelings towards him. Hell...If Hae Rang hyung's little stunt at the dojang wasn't obvious enough, the fact that Ryu Hwan hyung had taken pains to be here with him... 

The captain had done so much for him, he would at the very least acknowledge the feelings of his captain. 

He looked away from the captain and closed his eyes. 

He wanted it. He wanted to be the sole recipient of the Captain Ryu Hwan's feelings. He just wasn't sure if he, emotional scars and all, had enough to return them just as completely. 

He had no answers to give as of now, all he had was his honesty.

No more hiding, Lee Hae Jin. He promised himself silently. 

He would give Won Ryu Hwan his honesty. Honest words, honest actions, honest feelings.

Satisfied with his resolution, Hae Jin blinked opened his eyes once again only to see that the captain had now awaken and was observing him quietly. 

"Whatcha thinking about so hard early in the morning?" Ryu Hwan asked, as he ruffled Hae Jin brown hair with his free hand.

Honesty. 

Hae Jin inched his head a little further up the captain's forearm and answered.

"You."

The captain probably wasn't expecting that. There was a notable pause before he broke into the brightest smile Hae Jin had ever seen till date. 

So bright. Hae Jin wished he could draw this right now. 

"Jin ja?" Came the captain's teasing reply. The captain's sparkling eyes were in slits, as he smiled a rare crooked toothed grin.

Hae Jin smiled in reply.

"Jin ja. Jin ja, Jin ja. " Hae Jin whispered slowly.

Still smiling, the captain drew him in closer to his chest for a hug as he chuckled softly, "Arasou, arasou, arasou... Ha, what a great way to start the morning."

Hae Jin smiled softly into the captain's shoulder. He could wake up to this everyday.

Honesty. 

"Hae Jin-ah, have you replied Hae Rang yet? He's been threatening to come over to Daegu to hunt you down if you don't respond to him soon."

"Aish I haven't really been checking my phone much. Let me do it now." Hae Jin felt a little guilty that he'd ignored the older musician's messages for the past week. Hae Rang had sent him dozens of short messages. He scrolled through some recent ones as he and Ryu Hwan read them. 

'Yah! There's a tonkastu kimbap plague going on here!'

'I'm feeling malnutritioned.'

'Give me a sign, pabo. Tell me you're ok! Even a '.' is good."

'I'm so antsy I can't sleep right, and it's your fault!'

'No I wasn't over you. FYI.' 

'LEE HAE JIN REPLY MEEEEEE'

Hae Jin and Ryu Hwan both shared a snicker as Hae Jin made to reply the musician. Ryu Hwan stopped him as he took over Hae Jin's phone. 

"Let's give him something to lose sleep over. Close your eyes." 

========

Miles away back in Seoul, an orange haired musician chokes on his ramen noodles. Eyes watering, Hae Rang pounds his chest loudly as he exclaims.

"Are you ing kidding me?!" A few little kids in his father's music shop tinkering with the display guitars stop fooling around and scramble away from the display sets. 

Hae Rang finally receives the most awaited text reply from his 'favorite dong seng'. But his eagerness is quickly taken over by the most unexpected picture he is now staring at with disbelief and surprise. 

In the picture, both boys were locked in a loose hug in bed. Apart from the rude shock, it was a sweet sight, really. Hae Jin was lying on his best friend's left shoulder, curled up slightly as he faced Ryu Hwan. Ryu Hwan's left arm encircled the younger man protectively. His left hand was placed softly on Hae Jin's brown hair and the captain's smiling lips were on Hae Jin's head. 

Hae Rang thought back three weeks ago when both of them took a step back in their feelings for each other. And now, they looked like sleeping lovers from a love story. Well Won Ryu Hwan definitely owed him a love story now, big time. Snorting into his phone, Hae Rang replied immediately, but he did nothing to stop the huge -eating grin that crawled up his face.

========

Miles back in Daegu, the two 'sleeping lovers' receive a text message. The older boy reads it first before laughing hard. His smiling younger partner reaches over for his phone to read the message. He immediately reddens and hits the older captain playfully, "Hyung!" The older boy only laughs harder. Encouraged by the guffawing captain, the young fighter soon joins in the laughter. He sets his phone down as the laughing captain and him suddenly began a blanket tug-of-war. 

'DON'T GET HIM PREGNANT WON RYU HWAN' - was the short ridiculous message from the musician, that sent the captain and him into a huge laughing frenzy. 

The young man gave the blanket a pull and ran out of the guest room laughing as the captain chased after him with his firm grip on the other end of the blanket.

He still had nightmares to work through, but now they looked a little less daunting.

He smiled brightly. 

Honesty.

========

DENG DENG DENG! HELLLOOOO my sweetest yeoroboon! 

Here's my post-korea trip chapter for everyone! :D :D :D To answer some of your questions, YES I totally enjoyed my trip and it was really great travelling alone! I honestly recommend everyone to try traveling alone at least once in your life. You might be scared to travel alone, but you'll be surprised by how resilient us humans can be, we are born to be adaptable. A dear friend of mine, called Jeremy Scott (not the fashion designer), traveled from London to New Zealand with a BICYCLE for 3 years and counting. In fact, I got to know him 2 years ago when he was half way through his cycling journey. A year later, he waltzes into my work place back in my home country to surprise me and almost makes me cry. Long story short, he's been an ultimate inspiration. Do not fear the unknown my lovely yeoroboon. "You'll be surprised by how many good people there are in the world, and how few bad ones there are out there." That's what Jeremy told me, and I haven't found anything to debunk his statement. Just look at you guys here reading this story, all of you are sharing such positive energy around, it's amazing :) Believe in the human spirit, y'all! Love you all! 

p.s. Go check out Jeremy's journey at http://quinsadventure.wordpress.com/ , and get inspired to be brave. I do it all the time :) In fact, his faith and strength has inspired me to make the biggest move in my life - I'm moving to LA this year! I'll tell you guys about it more in the future if you're interested, but just know now that Jeremy's belief in me played one of the biggest parts in my decision to move half way across the world.

See you in the next chapter, 

bodhicittaseeds