A nightmare?

For a moment, Hae Jin thought that was what it was. In his semi-unconscious state, he felt the warm, hard body of Ryu Hwan’s embrace his bullet ridden body. The warm, hard body of Ryu Hwan’s that had once embraced his for the first time, when he arrived at Captain’s village. The warm, hard body that comforted, confused and stirred him in one instance. Feelings that he never had the luxury of nurturing, questioning or even realizing. This warm, hard body now blanketed him, shielding him from the bullets that continued to rain down on the silent Captain. 

A joke? 

If he wasn’t so consumed by the crippling devastation that filled him, he would’ve laughed. Was that all it came to? The gut wrenching desire to survive, to outlast the others, to become a hero,... to reach a place close to the man he idolized and respected his whole life. This man, Captain Ryu Hwan, the best of the best, the impossible. To reach his side, stand next to him and serve the nation that had now abandoned them. Now this man, stood in front of him, taking the bullets in his stead. Impossible.

The end? 

Was that it? With the last of his will, Ryu Hwan clung onto the younger Captain as he struggled to stay conscious to stop the bullets from reaching Hae Jin. He didn’t have any other weapons left, no other contingency plans within sight,... his body would have to do. It’s funny how now nearing the end of his life, the 2 years of his village life was what flashed through his mind, despite the fact that he’d spent most of his life in camp training to be the perfect weapon. He thought of Grandma, Doo Suk, Ran, Yoo Ran, Yoo Joon, the two monkeys, Mr Young Gam, Mr Park... and his comrad- no, brothers or friends, Hae Rang and Hae Jin.

Hae Rang... Ah. 

He’d just passed his audition, after all the awful practices he had to sit through on countless nights. How did he pass it this time, he would never know. But it wouldn’t matter now, would it? He wanted to be angry, he wanted to seek revenge, he wanted to kill for the Hae Rang who had been weirdly cynical, free-spirited and the perfect competitor to have by his side all this time. But the body he now protected disabled him, crippled him a sort of bone crushing sadness that he felt only when he realized that his beloved Mother had already long passed. 

Hae Jin. 

Too young. Too idealistic. Too early... to be separated now. The young man, who idolized him in his early years, who tried to kill him as a young man, who now made him fear death. He, Won Ryu Hwan, had always thought that he would face death with stoic calmness. He, Won Ryu Hwan, now feared this end very much so. 

In the 2 months Hae Jin was around, he often caught himself dreaming of a future where the three of them would somehow manage to carve out a life together. Hae Rang would be a trainee in some lofty agency trying to conquer the world, and Hae Jin and him would scoff at the orange-head’s (lack of) musical abilities while they sorted out the anchovies and did laundry. He would earn the money he could and put Hae Jin through school, he would mother him like how granny did, he would attend his graduation, he would ruffle his hair excessively, he would approve of his first girlfriend very reluctantly (this thought had always left a bad taste in his mouth), he would be the hyung to witness his wedding, he would be a godfather to Hae Jin’s children, he would... 

He would be by Hae Jin’s side. That’s where he would be. 

Just like now. 

He felt both their breaths struggling unevenly. 

For the first time in forever, Won Ryu Hwan was afraid. Because he had something to lose.  Because he wanted, so desperately, to wake up tomorrow and see Hae Jin’s unsure face looking at his for assurance. Because he knew, this was now impossible. 

Together.

Ryu Hwan hugged Hae Jin’s body closer to his, silently telling the younger one I’ve got you. He knew the ending. He knew it deep down. But it would be in his way. 

He flung both himself and Hae Jin off the building. 

Together. I’ve got you. I’m sorry. 

Captain, if you are born again, what do you want to be?

Me?

I want to be born in a usual nation, in a usual family, born to live, just like that. 

Your dream is really big.

What are you saying? Then what do you want?

I just want.. to be born... as a usual captain.