“You are a very good singer, Jieun-sshi. And you will have a bright future, just keep on fighting! Fighting!”

That comes from our last conversation, which was only like 2 weeks ago. Our conversation – mine and Young Bae oppa. Always wishing me for the best in my singing career and nothing more than that, which he never failed to say at every end of our phone conversations. How I wish he will say something more endearing. Or maybe of my feeling for him.

Sigh

Is he keep me hanging on the loose with him showing his positive kindness during all those ‘ideal type’ declaration that I ever outspokenly said during interviews? Maybe.

Did he thinks that I did that just for publicity stunt that can boost my singing career? Again maybe.

Didn’t he realized that I sincerely love her, more than words could describe? Well, I don’t think so with the distant he tried to keep me at bay.

He did not said in many words but I could feel that he didn’t see me in that way and more likely he treated me like his younger sister. When I have decided, at that time to just listen to Eunhyuk sunbae wise advice. Well, he had never failed to advice me to move on from my unrequited love for Young Bae oppa. And that’s just what I had wanted to do but at that very moment, Young Bae had re-appear again in my hope to be with him. Young Bae oppa started to call me almost every day. I tried to think nothing of it but he is somehow giving me hope. I changed my mind of ditching my first love and remains hopeful for him.

Eunhyuk sunbae was beside himself. I could not understand why at first but I overheard his conversation with Seunghyun oppa that he like me. I was shocked and then I felt sad for him. Because I had given my heart only for Young Bae oppa and pray to Lord to send a beautiful angel for Eunhyuk sunbae. He is a very kind person despite his cheekiness, and he deserve someone better than me who could never return his love as much I have given it to Young Bae oppa.

“I-I let you-u do-ownn…sunbae” I tried my best to hold on to my tears. I need to stay strong for both of us, if not, there might be great flood in Teddy oppa café. Eunhyuk sunbae look so sad and depress but I need to stay true to what my heart tells me. "I hope he knows how lucky he is to have you worship him." I don't deny that it hurt me when he said that word 'worship'.

Yes, Young Bae oppa had been and will always be the idol of my heart, but I love him sincerely, not worshipping though.

Mianhe, Eunhyuk sunbae, for letting you down but please don't confuse my feeling for Young Bae oppa with a simple yet ridiculous worshipping.

I could understand if people mistaken my devotion for Young Bae oppa as worshipping him. I know because I had been his fan first before times gradually change my feeling for him to be more than just a fan to her idol. I could still remember the first time that I had heard of them.

When I had first started my singing career, I had just finished my high school, at the young age of 17 years old. At that time, Big Bang was one of KPOP new Princes when they hit the jackpot with their hit single - Haru Haru. They had gain lots of fans all over South Korea. Or should I said they had gain lots of VIPs and I am one of the VIPs.

However, I had been secretly following Big Bang ever since their debut day and of course, my favourite amongst the boys happens to be Young Bae oppa. I could still remember his cornrow hairstyle. No one ever did that kind of hairstyle but he pull it off quite impressive. Aside his unique hairstyle, I seriously in love with the way he sing.

I could said that he really an inspiration for me to improve my singing ability. Well, my voice could not really pull it off as RnB singer but there is nothing if I would want to give it a try, right? 

Anyway, after a year since Haru Haru, Young Bae oppa release his first album, following the success of Jiyong solo album. That was when I really goes crazy about Young Bae. I will sang all his songs in his Solar album almost everyday and I had penned my own version of I need a girl song and re-named it to I need a boy. 

At that time, I had been one of the cast of the television show 'Heroes' and in one of the episodes it focus on my choice of Hero. Obviously, I had told the producer of my affection for Young Bae oppa. So in that segment somehow Yoo In Na unnie had called Young Bae oppa to ask him to appear in the show as part of my choice of Hero segment.

I could still remember of how ecstatic I felt that I had given the chance to talk to Young Bae oppa on the phone, on TV. And when he did drop by to the show, I was beyond recognition. I was so shy when I saw him walking towards me but I told myself that I need to get over my fangirling. So when he wanted to hear my version of his hit single I need a girl, I cast aside my shyness and let him hear me singing his song but with my own version.

He looks very happy and could not stop smiling at my effort singing his song. He sincerely compliment of how good my voice when I sang that song. Then it was announce that Young Bae oppa will be performing his hit single with me as a guest appearance during his performance act. I didn't how childish I behave as I jump up and down when I heard that great news. "Oppa, I will do my very best during the show tonight."

He nodded and wanting to show me the step to the dance performance. I followed every dance steps he show me until the part that as he swagging towards me. Then as he swagging at me, when he stop in front of where I had stand, he wants me to sweep through his hair and as he lean his cheek to me, "Kiss my cheek, IU sshi. Ok?" His sunny bright smile almost blinded my eyesight and again, I started to jump up and down again. I kept on shouting in delight, "Omo omo omo!!"

Like a gentlement, he just stood watching me with his sunny smile on his handsome face.

During the show that night, no need for me to say much how a nervous wreck I was before it was my turn to walk down to the stage to him. I was so nervous that I felt like peeing in my pant but I tried my very best to control the urge. I remembered seeing him, as he performed on stage, he kept glancing at my direction. I know that he was wearing his y black sunglass but my guts feelings said differently.

Sigh...

That kiss, even it was me who had kissed him instead the other way round. It still a magical experience that I had felt that night. I will always cherished that moment like forever.

At the end of the show, we had exchange our mobile numbers. "Can I text you, oppa?" I asked shyly. "Sure, IU sshi. Contact me whenever you are free ok? Maybe we could hang out sometime." He wink before getting in his own personal car and drove off.

Of course, there was numerous times that I wanted to text him or even call him, but I was shy and don't want to disturb him, afterall, I heard Big Bang will be releasing their new album soon.

After that, with him busy preparing Big Bang new album, I was also pretty busy with my own career. I had shows at every different cities and there were also lots of interviews that I need to do. And when the interviewers always asked me of my ideal type, well that was pretty question to ask me. It has to be, and always be Young Bae oppa. And my answer remains the same in every interview I ever did.

There were times when Young Bae oppa respond to my openly affection for him. The best respond that I really love from him ~

"IU sshi ideal type is me? Well, I am sure she will change it soon one day."

Well the truth is oppa, until now, my feeling for you never change, and I could not see the reason why should I change my ideal man when I got a full supports and blesses from my 2 favourites Oppas and 2 favourite Unnies. 

Like what Seunghyun oppa had told me earlier, "Then what are you waiting for, sweetie? Go grab him before it is too late."

Well, I am on my way to 'grab' my Young Bae oppa. 

See you soon.

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A/N: Young Bae will be making his first appearance on the next chapter :-)