It was a cloudy and breezy Sunday morning. The chilly winds blew in through Hongki’s window. Hongki shifted in his bed until he hit his bad shoulder. Waves of pain were sent to his brain and stirred him from his sleep. He rubbed the sleepiness from his eyes with his good arm and pushed himself up on his bed. What happened-

Instantaneously, series of memories flooded Hongki’s mind. Every sight and sound, every breath he took, every tear he shed came rushing through his mind. As he thought about it, tears started to brim his puffy eyes yet again. He couldn’t stop it no matter how much he hated crying. He took in deep breaths in an attempt to stop the tears from flowing and forcefully smiled. It kind of worked.

“Time to move on, Hongki,” Hongki repeated Jonghoon’s words once again.

With shoulders stooped, he hopped one-legged, past his flower vase with a new stalk of flower, towards his personal bathroom and washed up. It was one of the few times Hongki appreciated the tranquility and solidarity. If there were anyone else in the room, or any sounds of joy and laughter outside, he would not have been able to even wake up. Hongki went through the motions robotically. His eyes sparkled no more. Hongki wasn’t Hongki anymore.

Hongki willed himself out of his room and wheeled down the long corridor. Just as Hongki passed Jaejin’s room, bits and pieces of his memory – or was it his dream – appeared in his vision. The dark living room, the mysterious silhouette, the warm sensation, the soothing and home-like scent, the soft whisperings of consolation in his ear. Come to think of it, how did he even get from the living room to the second floor?

Hongki stayed outside Jaejin’s room for a long while. It was one of the rare times when Jaejin was actually at home in the morning. One could feel the peace and zen of Jaejin’s room just by standing outside. He must be really tired, probably sleeping on his chest right now with the breeze combing through his hair. Hongki debated internally whether or not to knock on the door to thank his dongsaeng for taking care of him last night. It was awkward because the last time they actually talked, they quarreled. But at the same time, he could tell Jaejin really cared for him. Too emotionally tired to feel or to think anymore, Hongki decided to move on.

Then, the doorknob turned slowly and behind the door revealed Jaejin with only his boxers and messy bed hair on. His chiseled chest muscles, abs and biceps could serenade a million fangirls out there. He raised his arm and rubbed his left eye with that clueless, lost look, the one he always has when he wakes up. Just as he sobered up and prepared to take a step out, he saw Hongki sitting in his wheelchair with eyes slightly bigger than normal. He suffered a mini-heart attack and immediately retreated back into his room. His clueless expressions instantly morphed into a flustered and surprised look, cheeks red.  The only sound he could hear was his heart pounding against his ribcage.

On the other hand, Hongki was also shocked, maybe even pleasantly. His heart rate shot up at the specific moment his eyes laid on Jaejin’s toned built. The sight of this manly Jaejin sent butterflies to his stomach. He swallowed loudly but he couldn’t keep his eyes off Jaejin. The breeze came and blew Jaejin’s hair off his face. He looked so , so exposed, so organic. Hongki can never un-see it now. Jaejin was more than just a dongsaeng or a kid. He was a man.

“H-h-hyung, what are you doing outside my room?” Jaejin caught his breath and asked.

Hongki shot his glance onto the floor to lessen the awkwardness because Jaejin was still barely covered.

“I-I j-j-just wanted to thank you for last night,” Hongki managed to force out the words with his tongue-tied mouth. “ I-I-t was you right?”

“U-uh, yea, it was me. You’re welcome,” Jaejin, obviously embarrassed, mumbled under his breath. “I-I-I’ll go wash up first.”

Jaejin muttered as quickly as he could and shut the door closed. In his room, the peaceful air was rustled by what just happened. Jaejin breathed in and out for what seemed like eternity, trying to calm his nerves. Feeling slight bit better, he stumbled towards his bathroom, still dazed. He let the cold water run down his body, the body Hongki saw – no stop thinking about it. He closed his eyes and let the peace and tranquility return to his mind.

Along the corridor, Hongki blinked his eyes repeatedly to get the image of half- Jaejin out of his mind but to no avail. His breath quickened every time the image filled his mind. He wheeled himself towards the stairs and to his dismay realized – he needed someone to carry him down. The only person at home right now was, you’re right, Jaejin.

Jaejin swiped his wet hair back into a sleek hairstyle and let the droplets of water drip down the strands of hair. He threw on a plain white tee and black denim jeans before exiting the room, more cautiously now. When he reached the stairs, he spotted Hongki who was trying to hop down the steps on his good foot, supporting himself on the handle. Hongki winced at each hop as the pain stings his foot and shoulder.

Jaejin moved awkwardly towards Hongki, cleared his throat and asked, “Do you need help?”

“Anniya, I’m fine,” Hongki said and right after that cringed as he hit his fractured leg against the stairs.

“I think you do, hyung,” Jaejin, worried after seeing Hongki cringe, closed the gap between Hongki and him and swept Hongki into his arms in one swift moment. Before Hongki knew it, he was cradle-carried by Jaejin, like a groom carrying his bride.

Throughout the walk down the steps, Hongki couldn’t stop thinking of Jaejin’s toned muscles under his white, cotton shirt – the muscles he just saw a while ago. He breath quickened, only to take in the warm, vanilla scent of Jaejin’s cologne. He tried his best to keep his eyes closed, but they don’t seem to obey orders very well. He was so close to Jaejin, he could feel his heart throbbing through his shirt. Or was it just that Jaejin was equally nervous about this too?

Jaejin sat Hongki down on a chair beside the dining table. He then proceeded to the kitchen to whip up something for both Hongki and him. Jaejin didn’t know much about cooking, not as much as Jonghoon definitely, but he tried his best to put together something edible. The morning rays shone on Jaejin’s side profile, illuminating his average yet adorkable features. The contours of his moderately toned biceps and triceps became more obvious under the sun’s rays. Jaejin looked really focused while preparing the food and when it was done, his lips curled up into a little, cute smile.

Jaejin held up the two plates like a waiter and ambled across the kitchen to the dining table with a satisfied and proud smile on his face. He placed Hongki’s share onto the table right in front of him just like a trained waiter and said, “Enjoy your meal, mister!”

Hongki smiled limply at Jaejin’s attempt to cheer him up. He finally realized how much Jaejin actually cared for him. All these times - through his breakups with his previous girlfriends, his downtime when his throat was in a critical condition, on stage when he couldn’t go on anymore, and now through Jonghoon – he stopped at the thought of Jonghoon.

Jaejin settled down on a seat beside Hongki and stared at Hongki’s weak smile. His heart hurt from seeing his hyung like this. This was worse than any physical hurt. Hongki looked like he was defeated in and out, up and down, in every single way. He can’t even keep his back straight anymore. Jaejin sighed internally and took a deep breath. Because in times like this, it is even more important to smile and be happy for Hongki.

Jaejin put on his brightest smile and patted Hongki’s back.

“Sit straight hyung! You don’t want to go back to the fans with a hunched back.”

Hongki straightened his back out of surprise. He stared at Jaejin’s smile for eons. His smile was so pure, so innocent. His smile was one that Hongki would never have in a very, very long time. Nonetheless, Hongki tried to put on his best smile for now so that Jaejin would feel better. They started on a very normal and awkward conversation.

“Thanks for the cereal.”

“No problem, hyung. I think you need to stop saying thanks.”

“No really, thank you, for everything.”

Silence

“Where are you going later on?”

“To the studio where I rehearse for my upcoming musical.”

“How is it coming along?”

“Not bad, but there’s this part I just can’t nail.”

“I can come with you if you want to.”

“Really? That would be great, hyung.”

“Yea, I’d like to how our kiddo is doing in his musical.”