January 24, 2014

Kai didn't go to school today. It's friday and we have tree planting. We have to meet up early in the morning at school so it won't be too hot if we plant trees at noon. Of course Kai couldn't wake up that early. I really didn't want to attend as well because Im not feeling well but I have to unless I would want to take an exam for that subject. I couldn't be bothered reading notes just to get good grades for that exam so here I am trying to plant trees with this fever. After planting trees were planning to surprise Kai and visit him. But on our way there he texted us that he is going somewhere so we went to Taemin's house instead.

It's really boring at Taemin's place theres like nothing to do there. We went to there vacant lot where there is a bench and we all sit there. Realizing that today has an amazing weather. They put a big piece of cloth on the grass and we lie down like were on the beach and were having a picnic at the same time. The boys couldn't help themselves but to drink a little alcohol. Me and Minhee just keep eating what Taemin would bring out. Everyones having a good time but me. I keep on sneezing and my eyes are all watery because of cold and I keep on coughing as well but still I managed to text Kai because I miss him already. Specially with this situation I really need him to be with me.

Texting Kai the whole day I didn't get to charge my phone. I forgot to bring my charger so I couldn't charge when were at Taemin's house. We went home before it gets dark. Suho and the other guys were drunk. Lucky Kai isn't here. On my way home I checked my phone if there's any text only to find out that my battery already run out. Once I got home I went to my room and grab the charger and charged my phone. Staring at it and waiting until it receives all the text messages from earlier.

/12 unread messages/

*phone ringing*

Kai^Oppa~♡

I quickly answered it. Maybe he's been ringing me all this time. I wonder if he's mad.

"Hello" He said sleepily.

"Hello.. I j..just got home" I responded.

"I see..well Im on the bus right now" 

"My phone run out of battery so I couldn't text you..Take care of yourself okay?"

"It's ok..Im going home now..Eat now okay? I love you"

"Take care.. Ne I love you" I chuckled. Im a bit embarassed saying those words on phone. 

"I'll hang up now. Text you later.." Then he ended the call.

Smiling like an idiot after that phone call. Yes that's me. I mean it's the first time I said those three words back to him on phone and I find it so cheesy but sweet at the same time of course. After hearing his voice I feel like Im getting better now. Just a little rest and Im fine. His voice is my medicine perhaps?

January 29, 2014

Wednesday. My favorite day. There's a few reasons why I love this day. First because I have P.E. Second I have 3hours vacant before the next class. Third we spend those 3hours at the boarding house where we all chill and relax there. Fourth because classes end at half past 6 so I go home together with Kai and everyone. Lastly, sometimes we don't go to classes and spend the rest of the day at the boarding house. So we all get to be together the whole day until night.

After our P.E class. We went to Tiffany's boarding house and do what we usually do there. I keep on going outside the room the whole time because of annoyance and jealousy. There's 3 bunk beds inside. No one wants to lie down at the top of it so we all lie down at all of the bottom of those beds. Minhee, Suho and Kai lie down together at one bed while me and Luhan at the other. And tiffany on the other one. Im really jealous how Minhee and Kai lie down beside each other. I really want that to be me. I want to be with Kai. Im the girlfriend here but how can I if Minhee was there and that Kai is not even trying to swap places with Luhan. I know that Minhee likes Luhan so that she can't talk to him properly and right now I know that she's jealous as well because Im lying beside him.

Im annoyed the whole time and didn't talk much. I think Minhee doesn't really know what I feel right now. Why can't she just keep distance with my boyfriend. How come she acts like a girlfriend more than me. She's really into this. As a close friend of Kai she should know how to act like a friend. There's things she should do and shouldn't do specially when the girlfriend is around. Specially when Im around. She should know what I feel because were bestfriends but I think she doesn't.

There's anger inside me I hate myself because I couldn't do those things to Kai. I hate myself for not having courage to act like a real girlfriend. I've never been like this before. Only to Kai. I want to cry right at this moment. I just want to tell them what I really feel. Sometimes Im thinking, are we really going out? Do we really love each other? Are we really serious about this? How come we still can't talk properly to each other? We can't even sit next to each other. Can this relationship work out like this for long?

I really love Kai. I just want to be with him everysecond. I want to hold his hands, to feel his arms, to lean my head on his shoulders, hug him and talk to him everytime. I want to treasure everymoment with him. I just want to do those things but couldn't. How can I do those things if Kai himself doesn't even make a move to get close with me. Why are we like this? Sometimes I think of my past relationship. We would've done those things already. Kai is my everything. Maybe he doesn't know it because I don't really show it. If he just know how much I love him then we will be happy together.

I didn't talk to Minhee that much today. Everytime she tells me a funny thing I force myself to smile and I didn't even laugh. I tried to be alright but of course I couldn't. Seeing them so happy and tapping each others skin while laughing at their jokes. Seeing your bestfriend with Kai hurts more than seeing him with another girl. My favorite day turned into my worst day today I guess.