Most people make a New Year’s Resolution where they plan to do or achieve certain things in the coming year, I made an Year’s Ending Resolution. I decided after having the nightmare a few days ago and I just decided I wanted to change before the year ended. The end of the year was already near along with Christmas, so why not? My change is to grow up and accept what I brought on myself. All the sleepless nights brought on thoughts and contemplation that she must’ve tried to get me to understand before she left. And that’s why she left, because I didn’t understand. Yes, I did hold her and listen to her problems, but I never tried to understand her pain. I wanted her to understand the meaning behind my lyrics, but I never wanted to understand the meaning behind her tears.

Now I have my own tears and no one to decipher them.

I also decided not only to clean my life up, but to clean my apartment. I cleared the entire place of the ramen cups―I would be happy if I never saw another pack of ramen in my lifetime. I washed all of the dirty clothes lying around, I washed dishes, I vacuumed. I remembered how she used to nag me about how clean I always was; cleaning after her, cleaning after the guys. She would purposely make a mess while cooking just to bug me. But I didn’t mind. Whilst waiting for another load of clothes to finish in the dryer, I went to clean out my closet of old things I never wear anymore.

I hesitantly pulled out the shoebox I had purposely placed at the very back of my closet. At first, I kept them out just to torture myself, to keep telling myself that she would come back and that I would have the right to keep these up and stare at them with a smile every day. But then it all hit me and I couldn’t bear to look at them. Even now, my fingers shook as I picked up the faded photo of her and I. It was faded because it was the picture that had been placed in my kitchen window, the sun always shining on it, making her look so radiant.

Feeling the familiar sting in my throat, I placed the picture back inside the box and slapped