CHAPTER four  “bad feelings”

The light and clicking sound from camera repeatedly coming over and over. Exo M acted neutral posing in their photo shoot, flash a wide charming smile. Even though, they still in learning processing and the awkwardness still covering them. They did their best for the deared fans mostly.

After take a full 3 hours for doing a complete photo shoot, now they are walking inside their dressing room to change the earlier clothes into another general clothes they using for training. Their manager followed after them into the rooms with a pile of sheets paper.

“Okay guys. No objective. You all will head to the top floor to having some interview.”

“Huh? Ge, it’s nearly one o’clock morning ge! And we also have a two hours training after this!” said Luhan and escaped a soft grunt.

“I’m sorry guys. But I promised, it will be just short interview. Just in 30 minutes.”

“Fine, ge.” Luhan walk away.

A thin smile with a slow sigh escaped from their manager.

“You all got five minutes to get all prepared. Here, some script for this interview. You all know the rules, right?”

“Okay ge.”

During their on the way to the main company building for training, a silence are accompany them with a loud breezing sound of wind from outside. Lay on the middle at back seat, severally try watching their maknae silently. Tao sometimes rubbing his each arms, and hugging himself back.

“Tao, are you feelings cold?” asking Lay start getting worried towards the maknae.

Tao who are keep his eyes close, just nodding slightly.

After got an answer, Lay quickly off the aircond at back. Then, he take out his jacket and put it at Tao’s instead. Tao feels the warmth, start nuzzling and hugging himself more tightly. Lay smiled a bit when watch the maknae at beside him. He brushed off Tao’s bangs softly. A soft sigh escaped from him.

Today, from morning till night Tao barely talk or eating anything. All of them tried so much, for make Tao eating something. At least a little bread or snack, but he still said ‘I don’t hungry ge.’ Even Kris somehow tried to buying the maknae his favourite ice cream, but still got a same answer.

Lay start biting his lips frowning hard, while his hand playing softly their maknae’s black locks.

‘Tao, we are all worried about you.’

“Let’s rest for a minute.” said Chen, lying tiredly on the floor.

Xiumin on another way, get up and take a minerals bottle at table on back, then give to each members.

“Thanks hyung.” Tao give a thin smile to his favourite hyung.

Xiumin give another back, a thin smile and take a seat beside him. Their manager suddenly coming, and called for Kris. Luhan look at Kris, who are get up then go outside with their manager.

“Geez, that’s maybe another schedule for tomorrow.” A short sigh escaped from Luhan, slightly pouted.

Chen let out a chuckled with a small grin when saw his eldest hyung.

“Aigo, hyung. Cheer up. It’s for our future and for our fans too.”

“Yeah. I know that, Chenchen.” Luhan chuckled too.

A sudden sound of sneeze startled them, Xiumin turns at beside and nudging their maknae a little.

“Hey, you okay?” Tao rubbing his nose slowly, then nodding.

“Yeah. Just a little cold.” Said Tao while rubbing his arm now. He shivering slightly with the sudden cold breezing air, coming through the window from outside.

“Aish, you will caught a fever! Here wear my jacket.” Luhan take out his jacket and put at Tao’s shivering body.

“But..Hyung, I don’t want you caught a cold because of me..”

“Aish, no need to worry about me.”

“You should worries more about yourself, Tao. Instead worried about us.” said Lay, get up and pull close the windows.

Tao give a thin smile, while muttering softly a thank you at Luhan.

“Tao. Can I asking something at you?” Xiumin smiling softly, he move closer at Tao.

“What is it, hyung?”

“Are you have a problem? Lately, we saw you looks troubled. Like you having something in your head.”

Tao widen his eyes, susprised. He fastly shooking his head, as ‘no’ an answer.

“No.. no.. I’m okay hyung.. I- I don’t have any problem. It’s just- just..” Tao start stuttered, while he tried his best to avoid all concern stare are given by their hyungs.

“You don’t need to tell us, if you don’t want too Tao. But, you know right. We always here for you.” said Xiumin once more, he smiling widely. Even though his eyes showing slight dissapointed at Tao.

“Okay hyung. I’m sorry if I worried you all. I just..”

“It’s okay. You not troubled us. Stop thinking like that.” Chen cut off Tao, he smiling widely while patting their maknae’s back softly.

Tao put a thin smile again, just nodding slowly.

“Er, I think I need practice my wushu more. See you guys.. at van.” Tao start sit up in rush, he take his bag and fastly go out from that room.

“I think it’s bad idea, hyung. For talking like that at Tao.” Lay sighed loudly, take a seat beside Luhan.

Xiumin let out a soft grunt. He ruffling his hair frustation.

“I just.. I just want help him, Lay. Haishh, he is so stubborn.”

“I think, Tao will start avoid us mostly tomorrow.” Xiumin sighed again and sent a glare at Chen.

“Chen, you are not helping me okay. I’m sorry. I know it will be turn out like that, but I cannot helping it. I just worried at him..”

“Stop put a blame on you, Minseok. We all worried about him.” Luhan hugging his knees, and start rocking his body softly. While humming a soft melody, at least the melody are comforting them right now.

Tao rushly waking out from this room, too much question would make he got into trouble. He start walking fast to his wushu’s practice room. He just need to be alone right now. Need to be alone.

Need to be alone?

Tao gripping tightly his bag. He walking more faster, a short breath start ragged out from him.

I don’t want they getting worried for me. I don’t want being their burden.

I don’t want being their burden..

I don’t want being their burden..

Tao froze at his place, his eyes widened more. He felt his breath also stopped.

Am I being their burden?

Am I… long before.. are their burden?

‘Yes. You are their burden.’

No. Isn it..?

‘Why didn’t you believe it, Tao. You are their burden.’

No.. They love me.

‘No, didi er. They all didn’t love you.’

Tao start hold his head, grip his hair tightly, his shoulder start shaking of tremble.

No.. no.. They all..love me. Right, ge?

‘They not answer you, didi er..’

Shut up..

‘That’s mean, there are not love you.’

‘You just a burden for them.’

‘I love you, didi er’

‘Cannot you see it..?’

He start whimpering slowly, his body shaking hard, make his knees feels weak and start slouching fall down.

No that’s wrong. Ge loves me..

His breath shortened, his panting slightly, a tears start threatened for falling down.

Ge always loves me..

His panting more loudly, a tears now trickling down at his cheek. A beads of sweat start dripping at his forehead.

Ge always love me..

He grip his t - shirt tightly now, his head start pounding hardly and his heart start throbbing loudly. A pain start filling inside his chest.

Ge..

Hurts..

Where are you ge ?

He bent down more like a fetus position, hugging his knees, start whimpering sobbing loudly. A breath shortened more.

“Ge… Ge… Ge…”

Kris waving a quick goodbye at their manager, then start get out from his manager’s office. A paper of their schedule are at his hands right now. A sigh escaped from his mouth, another tight schedule for tomorrow. He really didn’t mind with their tight schedule, he knows all s can do it.

But what he more worried right now… is their maknae. He noticed it, Tao start acting strangely towards them. He start avoiding them, sitting alone from them, spaced alone by himself, sometimes he skipped his breakfast, lunch or dinner. He's acted really opposite like their cute maknae before.

He pull slightly, a door of their practice room. He walk inside, and getting greet with shocked susprise by s.

“Why you all look at me like that?” He asking while frowning hard, s really acted like they saw a ghost or alien.

“Nothing, we just thought maybe Tao are coming. But its turn out being you.” answer Chen try shrugged it off, Kris just rolled his eyes with answer given by their vocalist.

“Whatever, Chenchen. Let's just go back to our dorms. We need get up early at tomorrow. We will have a schedule for variety and interview show at 11 am and a photo shooting at 1 pm, a rehearsal for music show at 6 pm, a music show at 8 pm, another interview show at Sina Channel Station at 10 pm.”

Luhan let out a soft grunt, pouted slightly.

“Again. Why to much schedule?”

“Stop complaining Luhan, this our job. Oh where’s Tao? I didn’t see him at you all.” said Kris, try ignore a pleading stare from Luhan.

“Tao, at his wushu practice room. I will go calling him. You guys go to the van first.” Lay hurriedly get out from that room.

He watch the maknae get out from in rush, he knows the maknae are hiding something with them. He turn to watch Luhan who are humming softly a melody, while rocking his body softly. He get up, and walk at music player in corner room. He set a one song and push the button play, a popping music start blasted loudly in that room.

His hips start moving beatedly a long with the music, a dance are became his thing to released all his worries. Yes, just a dance can make he stop thinking about Tao for a while. But, this time he don’t know, this uneasy feelings start disturbing him. His dance start moving lightly, then he just stand at his place while the music still blasted playing.

“Lay hyung? Whats wrong?” Chen start asked when he notice, their main dancer stop his dancing.

“Nothing. Maybe I just feel like don’t have a feels to dancing today.” Lay sighed then lazily walking at player and stop the music.

Luhan who are watch his roommate’s condition start get up too. A sound of creaked door sent him a shock susprise, he expecting it's Tao at first but it turn out is their leader.

“Why you all look at me like that?”

“Nothing, we just thought maybe Tao are coming. But its turn out being you.”

Luhan smiled a little with how Chen sounded toward their Duizhang. Chen surely a mood maker in their group sometimes. Lay walked at his bags, start packing up his things while listen what Kris tell them about their schedule for tomorrow. He also watch Xiumin who start picking his bottle and packing up his bags too silently.

“Stop complaining Luhan, this our job. Oh where’s Tao? I didn’t see him at you all.” He heard Kris asking about Tao.

“Tao, at his wushu practice room. I will go calling him. You guys go to van first.” said Lay in rush, get out from that room.

He doesn’t give any single glances at other members, he just feels something bad. Some this feels tell him, to rushly at Tao. He know, they should not make Tao go at his wushu practice room by himself, someone should accompany him earlier. His heart start beating faster, he don’t know what this feels.

He stand froze right now, the scene he saw are sent him a chilling feels.

“Where is he going? Are Lay hyung got lost again in our building?” Luhan at beside Chen, frowned slightly try to ignore a remarks come from Chen.

Kris at outside, more become worried towards his two members. A staff who will sent them to the dorm also sent a look to Kris. Then, a sudden call from his phone startled him, he take out fastly and answer it.

“Yixing ah, where are you? We all waiti-“

“Tao fainted. He caught a fever.”

Kris stood at there, shocked expression painted at his face.

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