Well Done! (Part 2 of 10)

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“Lee Sung Min!” someone yelled in a distance followed by a loud bang of a door.
 

The familiar voice did not register in my mind as I continued to doze on the open Math textbook plastered to the right side of my face that was placed on my desk, drool threatening to ooze out the corner of my slightly opened mouth again if I so much as move the slightest bit, to accompany the dried line that was formed earlier.

“LEE SUNG MIN!!” came a hyena-like shriek from the doorway to my room.

I was busy stabbing away at the bloody annoying, never ending stream of monster zombies that were feasting on my freshly baked pizzas and cakes and stealing my bags of coffee beans in my DreamCafé when I felt my left ear go twister on me and I howled in pain. The pain was so excruciating that I went on full alert mode almost instantly. My killer instinct told me to deliver a swift chop to the mid-section of the perpetrator much like those green-faced goo-oozing eyeballs-popping pizza-and-cakes stealing ty zombies that I was busy fighting against in my dream earlier.

Luckily, my killer instinct was in a somewhat retarded mode and I managed to retract my suppose-to-be-deadly karate chop before my other ear join in the twister fun, from boringly normal to grotesquely twisted or worse, mangled state. I shivered at the thought because I would not look pretty at all *sobs* with my ears taped to the sides of my head (as opposed to have them just dangling). I was dramatic……and vain too, I know.

The unwanted intruder was none other than my sweet-faced (that’s why everyone called me pretty even though I had another dangling thing that makes me a male), normally jovial mommy dearest who was currently killing me with her moronic laser-beam eyes. Okay fine, I exaggerated but she was fuming alright. In all my sixteen years, I had never seen her so pissed. On top of the twisting, she now dug her nicely manicured finger nails into the skin that she was currently pressing on. OucH. OuCH. OUCH!

“Mommy!” I yelped trying to gently peel her hand off my poor ear.

“Ow, ow, ow!…...what did I not do this time?” I whimpered pitifully with small tears stinging the corners of my eyes. My brain clicked and started rewinding to the list of tasks that I was ordered to complete before she came back from the Parent-Teacher-Meeting at school earlier this afternoon. Let me tell you something, she could nag like nobody’s business. Trust me, the dead could be revived if someone would just let her try. But I don’t mind because she filled my tummy with the best home cooked food ever!

Now, I had remembered to clear away the growing pile of undergarments and a double digit number of socks to the heap that were shoved unceremoniously under my bed and was producing some sort of an unpleasant stench, to the laundry basket and I had also gotten rid of last week’s leftover pizza which had surprisingly still looked edible. Was tempted but my brains told me no. I was smart. I know right. What have they been putting into fast food these days, I don’t know and don’t want to know. I just know I love fast food. Period. I had also changed out the bed sheet which I had used for three straight months and there were some patches of suspicious looking stains which I chose to believe they were sauces and juices from edible stuff. Yes, food. Gosh, so many exotic smells in my room.

“Your teacher told me that you failed all of your class tests and graded assignments for Math. Care to tell me why?” Mommy dearest let go of my rapidly reddening ear and continued looking at me with a killer glint in her eyes. I won’t mind dropping dead there and then, seriously, but don’t forget, she could revive me to torture me some more. Dead, revived, dead again, revived again, and again and again….Shucks, I might as well take it all in one go.

She had one hip cocked and resting the other on one edge of my desk, arms folded in front of her chest, waiting expectantly. I gave her a small smile and saw her nostrils flared. Okay, wrong move. I rearranged my face and gave her a small pout, wibbling my lower lips while putting on a pathetic face in a hope to lessen my misery.

One thing about my mom was that she had a soft spot for my cuteness, especially my big round twinkling eyes (which I got from her). I never failed to get what I wanted when I turned up my cuteness to full power. Add a little whine and viola! Consider it done! Oh, did I mention that I was an only child? I knew the power I held and I used it shamelessly just because I could. How awesome was that?

My mom’s aegyo was nothing less than mine, mind you. You should have seen her using it on my dad. Curious? Now, let me help you. Picture this scene: a 42-yrs old woman sitting sideway on her 45-yrs old husband’s lap on a comfortable 2-seater sofa in the living room. She was playing with some strands of his hair with one hand and looking up at him with big round eyes and lips pressed together but with the corners turned a little upwards showing a tight-lip smile. It had somehow became a family tradition to sit together after dinner to engage in small talks or simply spend some family bonding time. If you didn’t know better, you would have thought that she had some business to take care of in the toilet but no, that’s aegyo at work and their conversation went like this:

Mom: Honey, how was today’s dinner? Mom asked.

Dad: It was good. Dad smiled.

Mom: Just good? Mom pouted.

Dad: It was very good. Mom beamed.

Me: *rolled eyes* That was all it took to make her happy, one extra word.

Mom: I bet the bean sprouts will taste better if cooked in a wok. Mom whined a little.

Dad: Of course honey, go buy yourself one. Dad said after pinching her cheek. Mom giggled. I shivered.

Me: Mom, I hate bean sprouts and you know it. I whined lightly but was ignored. Gosh! Could they not do that in front of me? I’m all for a happy and loving family truly, but that was just too much chessiness. I felt like dissolving myself in a tub of acid instead.

Now, back to my current predicament. Mom still waiting, nostrils still flaring and eyes shooting fire and daggers.

“Mathematics came at me with a meat cleaver so there was no way I could even start understanding it, mom because I was busy running away.” I dared whine a little.

“So, Science, Social Studies and History wanted you dead as well? Mom hissed out while throwing out her hands in the air. “Mrs Boo told me that you had been sleeping in her classes too” Mom added. I could see the veins jumping in her neck. For all you know, she could be hissing fumes next while spotting a glowing orange neck, much like burning coals. “Tell me what I have been missing out on you lately, my dear son.” She said exaggeratedly.

Damn that curtain-wearing old hag. The amount of lace and polka-dots she wrapped around her body distracted me so much that I got lost in the patterned maze and at the same time trying my hardest to stop myself from joining the dots on her outfit with a marker. I especially hated that neon yellow layered lace dress of hers which she always wore on Tuesdays where there’s mid-day assembly, flitting about the hall shouting at us to keep quiet! We all laughed and made fun of her behind her back but no one was cruel enough to tell it in her face yet – that she looked like a walking yellow highlighter. She always appeared sweat-soaked with her wispy curly black hair plastered to her forehead with the curls hooking this way and that way. The only makeup that she had on her deathly pale face was blusher which was grotesquely painted on the balls of her cheeks. I wonder if she had at least one mirror at home. I felt suffocated just by looking at her. How to concentrate on her lessons, you tell me? The numbers and formulas on the whiteboard were not helping either. They spoke to me in a foreign language yet to be invented. I don’t think they care if I understood or not. I couldn’t be bothered with them either. But obviously, kind Mrs Boo bothered. Sighs.

Well, I’m not going to tell my mom that I had been busy lately fighting off monsters trying to steal my confectioneries from my online cafes on my mobile phone into the wee hours of the night. No. I know where I stood at this point: on shaky grounds that is and so I refrained from antagonising her unnecessarily while working my brain extra hard to form a creditable reply.

“Hey mom, give me some credit okay, I got distinctions for languages and an A for my Literature paper. That should count for something, right?” I said after faking a hurt expression.

She stooped down to my level and held my face in the palms of her hands and looked me in the eyes. I gave her my best and cutest look – a small sad pout topping it up with big round eyes. That should charm her, I thought and I was right. I could see her drowning in my cuteness from the way she smiled. She moved her hand to gently rub circles on my cheek. For a moment, I was afraid that she would turn nasty again and poke me in the eye with a manicured fingernail. Well, you couldn’t blame me. She was fuming mad earlier, wasn’t she? Then, I noticed her eyes travelling to the line of dried drool crust. Oh great, just great, of all times when I needed my aegyo to back me up, the dried crust had to spoil the effect. She made a small disgusted face but quickly straighten it before I could catch it. I caught it of course but resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Had to keep up my cuteness. I couldn’t lose.

She gave me a sad little smile and lifted her hand to pat me on my head gently and said, “Aceing in languages alone will not be enough to get you into college, my precious son.” Mom said with a defeated sigh, having lost all the fire in her, it seemed.

“Mrs Boo was concerned about your grades and she suggested a tutor for you. Someone from your school who was good in tutoring Mathematics to not so clever student lik….” She froze, gaping open in pause mode but I know. Like me right? It hurts mom. I glowered a little at her. She had the cheek to look guilty after that. Suddenly, she was the ever loving mom, pinching my cheeks and cooing me at the same time. She knew when to back off, apparently.

“He will be here on Saturday night to start off at building your foundation so be ready, okay honey?” she said rapidly and continued. “Now come and see the new wok that I had just bought. It is in the best grade of stainless steel and absolutely expensive!” she squealed and clasped her hands together, her eyes crinkled up forming half crescents as she grinned her widest grin before turning to leave my room.

It was my turn to gape. ! I have a movie marathon date with Eunhyuk and Donghae on Saturday night. Argh, I will have to cancel. My life had always been a bed of roses since I was born, but now the thorns seemed to be multiplying and had became sharper. I thought with dread and pulled at my hair. Goofing around with those two of my classmates/best friends was always so much fun. Gosh, why do I have to study on a Saturday? And what happened to all the family bonding? Did she spent all her bonding glue on her husband and forgot that, I, her precious son needed to stick as well. She had absolutely no regards for my feelings, making decisions on her own like that. Okay, forget about the feelings, she should have asked me about my opinion or my preference on the gender of the tutor at least. Honestly, I would prefer an “all-rounder”, if you know what I mean. Both front and back (s and of a girl for those who dun get it).

“Wait mom! You didn’t tell me his name.” I ran after her into the kitchen not failing to notice the shocking number of colourful shopping bags she had on the floor of the kitchen. Anger shopping, I suppose. I shook my head a little and tsk-tsk in my head knowing too well not to voice it out otherwise I might end up being one of the ingredients for today’s dinner. Imagine stir-fried sungmin with sambal chilli. Shiver.

“Yew Myun…….or something.” She supplied after pausing to think for a while and then turned back to her unpacking. She could remember long lists of names for beauty salons and their locations with directions and current promotions, the serial numbers of her favourite nail polish colours (she was very adventurous in that area, turquoise being the latest colour on her nails right now) and yet she couldn’t remember a boy’s name. Whoever said that women are nature’s mystery was so spot-on. Tsk-tsk again + sighs.

“Huh?” I gave her a confused look. I wrecked my brain trying to think of anyone remotely similar to that name in school who was good in Math, but failed. Ryeowook was good but his name did not even come close. Shindong was okay but he’ll be busy with the preparation for the inter-school’s culinary competition so he’s out. Siwon was good too but I bet he’ll rather teach me tricks on how to use tonnes of hair gel on my hair yet not look like I had them deep-fried or how to in your tummy to fake a faint six-pack. I gave up. I’ll just have to wait and see on Saturday.

“Anyway, Mrs Boo said that he is a sweet and helpful boy. Good grades and well-mannered. Oh, and dashing too.” Mom sounded awed even though she had not met him yet. Those qualities do not add up to anyone in school. Period. Those qualities conflict each other. It was either this or that, not all five of them together in one person. I rolled my eyes at her back. By Mrs Boo’s standard, everyone could be dashing. More likely dashing to carry her balls, I think. Oops! She has no balls. I giggled out loud and then stopped. Wait, she has no s either (airport runway). I giggled harder.

Mom turned and gave me a weird out look as if I had gone nuts. “Listen Minnie, I’m paying him good money for the lessons so you better fetch your brain back from don’t-know-where-it-ran-off-to and start learning something. I want a passing grade at the very least,” she warned. I pouted. Mom has delivered the ultimatum.

“One more thing, you better be nice to him. He’ll be your teacher here at home so show him due respect, is that clear?” mom said sternly. “Even though he’s younger than you by a year and he.….”

[ (O.o) <– he looked like that] Huh?! Younger than me?! Teaching me?! What the hell!

~~~~ END OF PART 1 ~~~~