It’s been a week since I saw Kai at the hospital. Remembering that day, that special and unforgettable encounter, still gives my heart fluttering butterflies.

“[ATTENTION]

You could be the lucky girl who gets to date her bias. Just buy Php 3000 worth of Nature Republic products and you might get a chance to date one of the EXO members this coming Saturday, June 28, 2014…”

Did they just say DATE? With my bias?! Oh, sht, I want it! But damn, Php 3000 worth of beauty products from Nature Republic? Are they serious? I don’t even use any beauty product except for the cheap facial wash I always buy. Does that even count as a beauty product?

Because of desperation, I begged my friend who always buys stuff at Nature Republic, to spend a little more than what she usually spends. I’m really glad that she agreed to help me. She gave me the receipt and even blessed it with her self-proclaimed super powers to increase my chances of winning the raffle. I hope her powers work!

“[ANNOUNCEMENT]

The lucky girl who gets to date her bias is none other than Sunshine Lee!! Congratulations!”

When I saw the announcement, I was devastated. You know that gut feeling you have when you are almost absolutely certain that something good or bad is going to happen? Well, I had that gut feeling many times before and it always turns out to be right. Last night I had a feeling that I will get to see Kai again so I really thought that I was going to win the contest and get a chance to get to know him better as a person, not just an idol. But now that that opportunity was taken by someone else, I felt like I will never be able to talk to him again.

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I was so depressed that I wasn’t chosen as the winner, so I craved for milk tea and pastries to sweeten up my bitter mood. I went out to the local coffee shop that I always go to, and ate and drank sweet stuff to my heart’s content. I bought another milk tea for take out and left the coffee shop with a wide smile on my face. My mood has lightened up now, but I still couldn’t help but think of that lucky girl. She must be the luckiest girl in the whole world right now. Talking with her bias, sharing interests and expressing her feels through casual and informal conversations, ugh, I’m getting more and more jealous every minute that the thought of it passes my mind. I wonder what the girl looks like. Is she pretty? Just by the name itself, Sunshine Lee, just screams gorgeous. And what if her bias was Kai? Are they currently on their date? Does Kai think she’s pretty? Does he like her? Ugh. Enough with this!

Since it’s such a nice day out, I decided to take a walk in the park to ease my frustration a little. I sat on the swings and brought out a book that I bought a while back when I was just in my second year in the university. That time was actually right before I discovered my inner fangirl, and since then, I haven’t read or even touched this book.

As I was just about to open it, a guy came running from the bushes and bumped into me. I had no idea how it was possible for him to hit me since I was sitting on the swings, but yeah, nevertheless, I got hit. A page from my book got torn and my take out milk tea got dropped on the grass. Though I was annoyed at the guy, still, he looked like he was hurt. I helped him up and you’re never gonna believe who it was.

Yep. It was him. It was Kai.

I kept thinking how our paths seemed to always meet. Is this a sign from the heavens? Or is it just a coincidence? Oh how I hope it was a sign!

Me: Are you okay?

Kai: You again?

He looked like he was running for his life. I wonder what happened. He glanced at me and then back at the bushes.

He stood up, grabbed my hand, and ran towards the mini forest in the park.

Me: Oppa, why are you running?

He stopped and told me to hush. He let out a sigh and we continued to walk through the forest and sat down a bench under a tree. A few minutes passed and he finally began to speak.

Kai: That girl who won the contest was a sasaeng. She kept doing… rude things to me.

Me: Like what?

Kai: You don’t need to know… But I think you already do…

Me: Oh… Really? How dare she do that to someone like you?! Ugh… It makes me so mad!

I was surprised I wasn’t spazzing about Kai being with me again. Instead, I was worried about him. That crazy sasaeng.

Kai: Haha. It’s okay. I’m alright now. Good thing I’m a fast runner, huh? *smirk*

Oh My God… Now there’s that ovary-bombing smirk that he always does. That smirk which melted millions of fangirls’ hearts, that smirk I always spazz about everytime I see it on tumblr, twitter, and facebook. I’m seeing it live by just a few inches away. I felt like I was ready to die any moment.

Kai: Ehem…

I didn’t realize I was staring at him again.

Me: Oh, yeah, I’m sorry. It’s just… Do you know how you make girls feel when you smirk like that?

He burst out laughing.

Me: Yah! I’m serious!

Kai: Hahaha! How does it make you feel? Tell me. *smirk*

What the f----!! He’s definitely doing it on purpose, o gosh, I don’t think I can continue this conversation without hyperventilating.

Me: I… well, some girls faint, some squeal, some just…

While I was talking he was just staring at me with that smirk on his face. Like he’s mocking me. Like he’s waiting for me to freak out or something. He’s just so… gorgeous. *sigh*

Kai: Some just die from too much hotness?

Me: Y-yeah. How did you know?

Kai: I get that a lot. I die a little myself when I smirk at the mirror. Kekeke.

This time, I was the one who burst out laughing, a bit louder than he did a while ago.

Me: Hahaha! Jinjja? But… you know, off-stage, you’re like one of the cutest and adorable people I’ve seen. That’s why I really really like you.

Kai: This sounds so cheesy. But thanks! Haha.

Me: It’s like you’re a whole other person on stage whenever you dance. Everyone I know who’s not even a fan of KPOP gets mesmerized by your dance every time I show it off to them. I really feel your passion for dancing. It’s great. J

Kai: Yeah. Ever since I was little I loved to dance ballet and jazz. But I felt awkward doing pop and lock.

Me: Psssh. You? Awkward? Can’t even imagine.

How did I manage to talk to him informally without freaking out? This feeling is somewhat different when I spazz about him and now that I’m talking to him. It’s like he’s a normal person infront of me. I feel so comfortable around him now.

Kai: I was! Seriously! … By the way, you didn’t get hurt when I bumped into you earlier, did you?

Me: Well, I wasn’t hurt, but my book has a torn page and my milk tea – I mean, bubble tea – got spilled. But it’s okay. Don’t worry about it. 

Kai: Bubble tea? I know someone who really likes bubble tea.

Me: Yeah, I know. Sehun and Luhan oppa, right?

Kai: Wow, you even know such things. You really are a fan. 

Me: Of course I am!! Keke. … Oppa…

Kai: Nae?

Me: Saranghae!

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks as that word came out from my mouth. I waited for him to say saranghae too, but he didn’t. Instead, he just chuckled. Waa! It was so embarrassing! While I was busy blushing, he looked at the book I was holding.

Kai: What book is that?

Me: Oh, it’s the Little Prince.

Kai: Oh? That’s my favourite book when I was little. My eomma always read it to me before going to bed. I miss reading it.

Me: Really? Well, you can have it if you want. It’s my gift to you.

Kai: But it’s ripped…

Me: O-oh. I.. I’ll fix it then give it to you.

Kai: Haha. I was just kidding. Are you really giving it to me?

Me: Yes. To make you remember me. Haha.

Kai: Gomawo! J It’s getting late. I better go back to the hotel.

Me: Yeah. Kyungsoo oppa probably misses you already.

Kai: Wait… You know we’re not gay, right?

Me: Hahahaha! Duh, of course we do! We just like it when you show a little bromance with each other.

Kai: Ohhh that’s how it is! Haha. I’m learning a lot from a fan’s point of view. Thanks! Haha. *eyesmile*

Kai’s phone suddenly rang.

*Krooong Krooong*

Kai: Yoboseyo? …

While he was talking on the phone, I just sat there like a statue gazing at him. He’s just so perfect it makes me want to cry. I can’t believe I witnessed his smirk and eyesmile, both his ovary bombing trademarks. I was actually surprised I haven’t fainted yet.

Then a sudden realization hit me straight to the heart. His words kept on replaying in my mind. “I’m learning a lot from a fan’s point of view… from a fan’s point of view… from a FAN… a FAN…” That’s just it. I’m just a fan. Though it’s true, it really hurts to be in the reality that I can never ever be more than that.

Kai: Nae… I’ll be right there in a few. Nae…

Me: Was that your manager?

Kai: Yes, I need to go back to the hotel… But, do you by any chance know where Mariott hotel is?

Me: Oh, yes, it’s actually pretty near.

Kai: Oh, can you give me directions then?

Me: Well, if you don’t mind, I could show you the way. I want to spend more time with you, oppa, to be honest.

Wait, did I just say that out loud?

Kai: Haha. Arasseo. C’mon then. *eyesmile*

We stood up from the bench we were sitting on and walked to the hotel with an awkward atmosphere surrounding us. People who pass by turn their heads and seem to admire the gorgeous person beside me. Even non-kpoppers find him handsome. Waa! Why do I feel so proud all of a sudden? I realized that he really is a star and he’s too far out of reach for a normal fan like me. This realization caught me off guard and it hurts like hell. Now that I got to know him a little, I think I fell deeper for him. I think I don’t just love him. I think I’m… inlove with him. Is this even possible? How can you be inlove with someone who you’ve talked to for a couple of hours? And to think that he is someone who’s so out of your league. But I couldn’t really help it. I mean, who in places wouldn’t fall inlove with someone like him?

I want to ask him so many questions. I want to clarify a lot of things. I want to know how he feels to be an idol and to have millions of girls adore him. I want to ask how Taemin is and how they became so close, practically like brothers. But probably the question I want to ask him the most is about his love life – whether he has someone special right now, whether or not the rumours of him and Krystal dating is true. This situation is too hard for a fangirl like me. I don’t want to bombard him with these questions since he has had enough of those from interviewers and reporters. But on the other hand, I want to take this opportunity to satisfy my curiosity and to hear directly from him that the rumours weren’t true and that his fans are the most important people in his life right now besides his friends and family.

I stared blankly ahead, not knowing what to say. Then he broke the silence.

Kai: By the way, what’s your name?

Me: Oh.. You can call me yours if you want.

He almost choked when I said that. Then both of us laughed it off.

Kai: Yah! I’m serious!

Me: Me too! Hahaha. Well, other people call me Bambi. But in your case oppa, just call me “yours”. Kekeke.

Kai: I think Bambi is way cuter.

Holy mother of cows. That statement. I let out a tiny, inaudible squeal of joy. But I think he noticed it because he began to chuckle a little.

Kai: Anyway… Are you going to our concert?

Me: Of course oppa! I wouldn’t miss it for the world! I’m even going to your fanmeet! I’m so excited to meet the other members as well!

Kai: That’s great! I’ll wait for you then! 

Me: O-okay. Hehe. Please say hi to my other friends too, okay?

Kai: Sure!

I can already see the logo of Mariott hotel. It’s almost time to say goodbye. But I don’t want to!! NO! Please don’t let this moment end!

Kai: Oh, there it is! Thank you so much for everything! I appreciate it! I’ll see you in 5 days!

Me: Okay, oppa! Take care!

Kai: You too! Annyeong! 

He waved goodbye, turned around and walked towards the hotel doors. When he was far enough, I shouted…

Me: Saranghae!!!