You know that place in your mind where you go to every time you feel bored, or every time you feel like the reality is too real for you that it hurts to be in it? Do you know that one place where you can just relax and let go of all your worries and just think about the things you want to, but can never be? Well, that place is my favourite spot in the world and I wouldn’t trade it for a free trip to anywhere else, except maybe an all expense one month paid trip to  Seoul, South Korea, the center of KPOP – the center of my world, the center of my existence.

You guessed it, I’m one of those millions, no, trillions of fangirls around the world! I’m just one of those girls who shriek, squeal, spazz, hyperventilate, faint, or even die – well, not exactly, but you never know – whenever they see their favourite KPOP stars who they claim to be their boyfriends and husbands, as a matter of fact. We may seem  like super happy go lucky people who don’t give a damn about reality because we’re always all smiles and wholehearted laughs coming out of us every now and then, but the truth is, it is really hard to be a fangirl. Scratch that. It to be a fangirl.

First of all, there are so many of us, and some like the same artists, for example, I like SHINee’s Lee Taemin and EXO’s Kim Jongin, but I also have a friend who likes them both as much as I do. That friend also has other friends who like them as well, and the chain of friends liking the same idols goes on and on and on. There’s too many competition. And even if there wasn’t, those idols are still surrounded by many other beautiful, gorgeous creatures like themselves.

Second, not all fans can understand Korean. Just like me, a typical taglish (tagalog and English) speaking girl who can’t afford to pay for Hangul lessons, and even if I do, I don’t even have the time to study it because of the ty academic work that need to be done. I couldn’t set my priorities straight right now because all I seem to want to do is to look at my bias’ picture on the wall of my room and touch and stare at it several times before going to  bed hoping that I would dream about him again.

Third, and probably the most heart shattering truth is that those ever so popular KPOP idols don’t have a clue of what we fangirls feel, how often we think of them, how our worlds revolve around them, especially our bias. Heck, they don’t even know that a person named Bambi Rivera, 4^th year college student, 19 years old, living in the Philippines, 157 cm tall, weighing around 49 kg, exists in this vast world.

Well, there’s nothing we can do. That’s our life. It’s a matter of whether we stop fangirling and continue to live our lives as normal people or to continue with this suicidal life of heartbreak. I don’t know about others, but I won’t stop being a fangirl even when I die, I’ll still be up in the heavens spazzing about Lee Taemin and Kim Jongin. That’s how much I love them. If only I can reach out to them and let them know how I feel.