"You don't care?" chen asked me. I shook my head i wanted to say something but i couldn't. I feel like i'm suffocating.

"We don't need you, we have them," Kris said to me coldly.

"You promised first but i the one that's going to break it," suho said as he pushed me away.

Please no i love you, don't leave me, i beg of you. Why can't i talk?

"You abandoned us!" shouted Luhan

I didn't i didn't i swear

"We hate you, we will never love you" xiumin said coldly at looking at me with hate in his eyes.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" I shouted as i opened my eyes and sit up. "Noona!" i felt someone holding my arm. I look to my left and saw xiumin.

I remembered what i dreamt of and i hugged him, holding his tight in my embrace. Tears dropped down from my eyes and i tightened my hug on him. 'sniff' "You love me right?" i whispered in his ear.

I heard silence when he said, "Of course i do and that will never change" I feel bad i am so bad i'm a bad person so sos so stupid.

"Ahhhhh........... I'm sorry I'm sorry Forgive me. This is all my fault." i sniffled. . I could feel him rubbing my back comforting me and then carresing my cheeks and i leant into his touch. I want to feel warmth from him. I know i'm selfish but let me have him this moment.

I pulled him into the bed with me. "Sleep with me i feel cold," i murmured. He nodded and moved in closer. When did i start feeling like this towards them? I don't know and i don't care i want to have them even just for a second nd then they will be with their future wives. Staying afar and just watching them is enough for me.

"Do you know how painful it is?" i asked xiumin as i gazed at his face. He shook his head. "What is causing you the pain?" he asked softly. 

Should i tell him?

"My heart is in pain because i hate seeing you guys unhappy and also about your future fiancees," i said to him in a small voice.

I swear i saw his face disappointed but i was probably just imagining things. 'sigh'  Kim Hana, you coward, you still can't tell them you are a horrible person.

"I see, let's sleep, you're sick and D.O will be cooking breakfast in the morning for you," he said as he me hair gently. Although this feeling is not like with Tao and Sehun but i like it too, as long as it is with them, anything's fine.

I could feel my eyes starting to drop and i clutched his hand and said, don't leave."

The last i heard was, "I won't" but it was really soft and i drifted to sleep.

.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

"Mphhh," i groaned out as i stretched. Then, yesterday's happenings went into my mind. How am i suppose to face them now? I don't want to go out. Ahhhhh! and i hid myself under the blanket. When are they even going to meet their future wives? I wonder if they're nice..............

I should distance myself but that'll be hard. I then heard a knock. "Noona?" Oh! It's Luhan. I opened the door to let him in. "Noona go back to the bed," he said to me, carrying a tray of food. I climbed onto bed and put a blanket over myself. He closed the door and put the tray on my bedside table. "D.O cooked these," he said as he took up the bowl of porridge.

He lifted up the spoon and blew on it, "Be careful, it's hot" he said as he fed me. After a few mouthfuls, i finished the porridge.

"Do you really want us to marry those girls?" he asked me quietly and i looked down. I don't want to give him the wrong idea. 

"I don't you guys to but your father is the king and his words is absolute and i can never defy him.

"If it's like this then why don't you want us to marry those girls?" he asked me, lifting my chin looking at me straight in the eye. My eyes widened.What am i suppose to say?

"I don't know." i murmured. "I see" he said as he nodded his head. I knew that he knew i was lying to him but what i have said? That i love him? He would feel disgusted.

"Do you want to get some fresh air?" he asked me, smiling at me gently. I nodded my head. "I want to see the roses and i also want tea. Can you accompany me?" I asked him with puppy eyes.

"Of course i can. You know, you look really cute with those eyes" he said and he smiled at me and i blushed and looked down. Boys and their charming skills~

"Well let's go shall we?" and he helped me up and into the garden. I breathed in the fresh air, so refreshing after all the recent drama.

"Take me to the shelter, I would like to drink rosemary tea," I said to him which he course helped me. It feels good having him by my side like this. The only feeling that i would allow myself to have is the longing, nothing more.

We went into the white beautiful shelter. Everything was so calm. "Here's the tea" he said as he served me it. I smiled at him and drank a little bit of it and gazed at the roses.

The boys think too much of me.

It's a conjecture; assuming that i am the rose of the garden when i am merely thorns of which no on