28 October 2011

The interview was coming in a few hours and I was feeling rather nervous. I tried to find excuses like having finals to drop out of the project, but it was to no avail, unfortunately. But it was partially true though, there was only like a little more than a month to finals.

Also, Siwan and I became closer over the week, especially after that day when I opened up to him.

“Oppa,” I asked, “I’m nervous.”

He laughed and patted my shoulder, “Don’t be. Remember I’ll back you up when you need help. You can do this.”

*What if I can’t control my feelings when I see you? Especially when I need to see you for the next 4 months for this project?* I asked myself, not sure if I was able to keep my yearns down, during the four months that I’d be hanging around him.

We soon boarded the bus that had the members from the Editorial Club, and also our teacher-in-charge, Mrs Jang. I clenched my fists tight as I stared at the scenery outside. The upcoming four months would be a torture for me, and I knew that very well.

When we reached the building, a wave of nostalgia ran through me. The first time that I entered the building was when Jinki told his company about his relationship with me. And the times after was when I was here to support Jinki with his practice. Now, I was there to interview him, not as a girlfriend, but a mere student interviewer.

Mrs Jang talked to the security guard a little, before we were allowed access to the building. We entered the building and we walked to one of the conference rooms on the first level.

The moment we entered the conference room, we saw the 5 boys standing up and greeting us. Taemin’s eyes widened as he saw me, saying, “Noona!!!”

Mrs Jang looked at me, as her brows were raised, “They know you?”

I nodded and explained that I was once a pianist for their recent event, and how my best friend was Jinki’s cousin.

She then proceeded to introduce the members and our team members to each other. All of us then sat down and Jinki then passed a list to her. He informed, laughing sheepishly, “That’s a list of rules that our company set for the interview. We didn’t want that much rules, but I guess we have no choice.”

I stared at Jinki’s smile longingly and there were bittersweet feelings. How long has it been since I last hugged him and told him he was the only man that I would love throughout my whole entire life?

Mrs Jang then explained the rules and regulations to follow. One of them was that we couldn’t record anything that had to do with Jinki and his girlfriend, as the company did not want to let anybody from the outside world to know. The word ‘girlfriend’ hit me so hard, honestly. It was like sending me another slap, telling me that I was no longer his girlfriend, and I was no longer the person that he would stare at.

“Okay,” She finished, “I will then break you guys up to interview the individual members. Siwan and Juyeon, interview Onew-ssi and Jonghyun-ssi. And the other two, interview Key-ssi, Minho-ssi, and Taemin-ssi.”

We went over to them, and as I walked to Jinki, my heart picked up speed. We were supposed to sit in front of them, and I guess that was the closest I was from him for those 3 years I lived once more.

I sat in front of him and side-glanced at him. He smiled and spoke, "Its been a while since we met you, Juyeon-ssi."

Jonghyun nodded, "Yeah! When you ran off that night from that XXX restaurant, we were quite worried. You should've seen Jihye's face."

Siwan looked at me and said, "You were with them that day?" I nodded at him and stared back at the duo, saying apologetically, "I'm sorry, Jonghyun-ssi, and Jin... Onew-ssi. I was feeling a bit unwell that night. So... I told Jihye about it too."

"Okay," Siwan coughed abruptly, "Lets start the interview."

"Yeah," Jonghyun grinned, "We should. Before we run out of time."

We asked a few questions that were related to their dorm lives, and afterwards, we moved onto asking questions which were more related to their own private lives.

I stared at the first question that was on my paper that I had to ask Jinki about. 'If you were to have a girlfriend, what would be the most romantic/caring thing you would do for her?'

I asked the question and awaited for Jinki's answer. He thought deeply and Jonghyun nudged him, saying, "Yah, Lee Jinki. You don't have to think that deep, don't you? You have many things to say, don't you?"

"Y-yeah, so," Jinki answered, "Hm.. If I were to have one, ... I would probably skip my schedules to take care of her when she gets sick? And if I were to propose, I would propose to her like on her birthday?"

*Birthday...* Tears brimmed in my eyes as he mentioned the second part of the answer. Jinki asked, "What's wrong?"

My eyes widened as he asked, and I wiped off the tears, laughing. I answered, "No, it's nothing. There's nothing wrong. I just find it very... v-very touching."

"You're so funnily cute," Jonghyun laughed, "This is the first time I've ever seen someone cry over something like that."

I forced myself to fake a chuckle and smiled at him. *Its not like that. Its because he said all those stuff. That he once did with me.*

"N-no," I said, "Its just that I find it touching. Jin.. I mean, Onew-ssi, I know you'd be a very good... b-boyfriend to Yerin unnie."

I gulped a little as my tears were threatening to come out. I tried to tell myself once more that I came back to the past to make him live, and not to make him fall in love with me again.

"Thank you for accepting our offer to interview," I bowed at Jinki, flashing a small smile. He shook his head and replied, "Its something that we can do for the fans to know more about us. So there is no problem."

We then left the room soonafter, and we were left on our own to go home. Siwan and I left in another direction as the rest, for he was sending me home which I was initially reluctant about the idea. He helped me too much recently.

As we were walking, Siwan asked, "Are you okay?"

I nodded and kept quiet afterwards. I didn't want my emotions to overflow while speaking. I didn't want myself to leak about the fact that I went back in time just to save Jinki.

...

I sat by the Han River as I folded a paper boat. Jinki once told me that folding a paper boat and let it float away in a big wide river was like folding all your problems and let it float away, to make it disappear.

I whispered to myself as tears came out uncontrallably, "I hate myself. I hate how I can't let go of you totally when I know I have to, in order for you to live. I hate myself how I become so weak in front of you when I can't. I hate myself how I can't bear the pain when I see you with another woman. I hate myself so much for loving you so desperately.."

"Juyeon-ssi?" A voice asked.

I wiped away my tears and whipped my head to see who was calling me. Jinki was standing just a few feet away from me. He looked at me worriedly, asking, "What are you doing here? Why are you crying?"

"I wasn't," I replied straightly, "I just came here to relieve all my stress."

"Same here." He smiled as he sat beside me. The close proximity between us made my heart pound so loudly. And yes, it made me feel so weak again.

I sighed a little and started, "Someone... once told me that if you actually fold a paper boat and let it float away, your problems would be eventually gone."

"Who told you that?" He asked, with a tone that felt like he was a little surprised. I answered with a soft smile, "My ex boyfriend." *You.*

“I have to go,” I stood up and said, “Have a good night, Onew-ssi.”

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Author's Note:

A short update this week :) Sorry for the late update, I've started school and things are kind of busy after the term break ^^; Hope you guys enjoy this update, and please subscribe/comment if you haven't *hugs and kisses*