23/8/2015

Heat my Heart

i took a really deep breath. i inhaling as much oxygen that i want. i get greed when i take another deep breath. i was nervous. i was axious. what should i do? what should i say? should i just let this go? should i turn back and walk away? or i just have to face this with all the courage i gather since two weeks ago? oh god! i don't know. 

i stand on the road. looking at the building infront of me. thinking about where should i put my next step. inside the building? or away from the building. my phone is vibrating for thousand times. i ignore it because i know who is the caller. if it not Miss Kang Se Na, it will be Jung Daehyun. i was running away actually. i don't really know what is the exact reason but i think this is the best way. so i gather up all my sense and take a step foward.

one step. two steps. three steps. four steps. i already took 10 steps in my count. i fasten my steps and..

" PARK YE JIN! " someone calling me from behind.

" i should had run! " i wider my step and start to run but..

" where do you think you going issabella?" grabbing my wrist and make me turn to him.

" Daehyun..." i swallow my saliva. " is this for real? " i look at him.

" get in first. " he pull my hand

" wait!" i pull my hand back. " im not ready.." i said.

" whatever it is. get in first!" he look at me with anger.

" are you mad at me?" i asked him.

" no im not..." he took a deep breath. " can you please follow me. please. i beg you.." he eyes is bewild with sorounding.

without anymore argue, i follow him inside the building. he hold my hand. i hold back tight. every steps i take make my heart flutter more and more. i really wonder what will Daehyun do? How should i react? everything is now is miserable. so much. as soon we enter the elevator, daehyun hand become cold. i know he also nervous. but he said he insist to do this. i take a deep breath. he did the same. the elevator door is open. we step out. i follow his step and we stop in front of a door. before he open it i stop him.

" what should i do?" i asked him

" just be yourself." he said and he turn to me.

" are you okay jung Daehyun?" i asked him again.

he put his palm on my cheeks. " just stay with me no matter what happen. okay? " he look straight to my eyes.

i nodded. he hug me out of all sudden. i hug him back.

" lets go in. " he said. break the hug. and open the door.

as soon we step in, all eyes in that room are focusing on us. i feel so inconvineice. so uncomfortable. so cheesy. meeting the B.A.P member for the first time. i was excited. but meeting in the situation like this. i was hated. daehyun pull me a chair. i sit. he sit beside me. in front of me. the very handsome charismatic leader. Bang Yongguk. he just give me a blank stare. i just bow my head a litle and he bows back.I change my view to Yoo Young Jae. he just smiling and makes me smile too. Himchan make some sound and i look at him. he gives me a wink. i was shock and i just smile. i look at Zelo and Jong Up. they just sit back comfortably.

look at them, i was thinking for awhile, what is the real problem? they seems fine. i turn my sight to Daehyun, he puts his head down, not looking at anyone including me. I slowly reach his hand and hold it tight. he hold me back.Suddenly someone enter the room. i automatically stand up and bow without looking at them.

" Park Ye Jin! " someone call me out.

" Miss Se Na!" i was incridebly out of my mind. " what are you doing here?

" oh my goodness. i thought you are dead. why don't you pick up my call? " instead of answer my question, she ask me question.

" i was.. urm.. " blank. loss of words.

" why are you here? " she asked me again.

" i.. was... urm.. because..." really! i hate my self now.

" she with me sis. " Daehyun voice comeout.

" oh my god! really?! good for you Yejin! Dream come true huh?" suddenly she put her hand around my shoulder and smile like a mother.

" huh?" i go blank again.

" have a sit sis.. " Bang Yongguk said to her.

" oh yeah. i forgot. haha" she takes her seat. " shall we start? " she asked.

" start what?" i asked as soon as i sit.

" the meeting.." himchan answered.

" what meeting? " i asked again.

" about our new music video.." Yongjae voice this time.

" huh? but... daehyun.. he said.." i look at him. " Jung Dae Hyun?!" i call out his name.

" yes." he look at me.

" what the heck?" i make some ' explain to me what is going on ' face at him.

without answer, he just smile and the meeting start. The meeting is held almost three hours. We talk about the concept of the music video, the actress and actor, the place, and everything. I was confused with that happening but since Miss Se Na ask me alot of questions and my oppinion, i become calm and join the meeting. strangely, i can feels some tense between the B.A.P members conversation. They seems like arguing when someone did not like the idea and sometime they like don't care for each other. Againts my feeling, I just proceed with the meeting.

After the meeting ended, Miss Kang Se Na and the managers went back to the office. but B.A.P member still on their seats. i don't really know what to do and i was about to get up but daehyun pull my hand and make me stay.

" lets start. " he take a deep breath and look at Bang Yongguk.I remain silent.

" anything you want to tell us? " Bang Yongguk ask Daehyun in serious tone.

" i told you guys everything. what else should I say" Daehyun replied to him.

" hyung.. " Zelo call, " why aren't you make it clear? " he asked Daehyun.

" i am clearing everything. I know it was hard for you guys to except but i had made my decision.. " he said strict.

" Daehyun... don't you think you being selfish right now? we had been together for almost 4 years. and you said you want to quit now? " YoungJae words had been stab into my heart. i was super duper incredibily SHOCK! 

" What do you mean by quit? " i spread my voice to the air.

" you don't know? i thought Daehyun already tell you about this. " Himchan smirk.

" i was about to tell her hyung. " daehyun give Himchan a stare.

" what?! tell me what?! tell me that you want to quit?!" i lose my temper. my heart beats fast. my mind gone crazy. i was really pissed. i look straight at Daehyun. " What the hell are you thinking Dae?!"

" i was..." i cut his words.

" last time you told me that there was a ssasaeng following you. you try to run from her. reporters knew about us. and i was here to make it clear. not for this stupid quit matter! " i shout.

" stop it Bella! I really want to tell you about this. but i just can't! " he also losing his temper.

" i don't want to hear anything except the EXACTLY the reason why do you want to quit?" i think im going to cry but i was holding back my tears.

" I was.. I just... " he lost his words.

" Dae.. you don't have any reasons to quit. not even one. please. im begging you. don't quit. this is your dream right? this is what you want. this is your future. what else do you want? don't you feel sorry to them? huh? " i try to say nice words and control my feeling.

" Jung Daehyun. Lets work this out okay. I am really sorry for what had happened to you. But none of us blaming you. Trust me. all of us supporting you no matter what. Ignore what they said. we are who we are. you have passion. you have talent that the whole world already knew. your family loves you. we loves you as well. we are family right. and from what i see now, you already have someone beside you. to support you, cherish you, help you behalf the mans need. what else is lacking? " Bang Yongguk. indeed. a charismatic leader.

" but hyung... " Daehyun voice cracking up. 

" its not your fault daehyun.. " himchan husky voice being heard. " we all face problems. and we can't live how we wanted. don't put yourself at somewhere you are not suppose to be. Fans may go, but we can gain a new fans also. why are keep thinking the bad outcomes? why don't you see the lights waiting infront of you? " well said by himchan.

" even im still young hyung, but i've been alot trouble. but when i found its hard to stand, no one by my side, i think about what we had been trough together. what makes me stand in front of the thousand fans. in front of the world. it was you guys. my members, my family.... " said Zelo.

All of us remains silent. daehyun shred tears. i hold his hand and patted his back. i know it has been hard on him...

05 / 09 / 2015

Autum In My Heart

i was here. standing among the thousand of people. cheering for my favorite boy group. B.A.P performing the live after the successful comeback. the Music Video had been release a few days ago. three days, the view reach 3 millions. after the live performance, i went to the back stage. waiting at their room. they enter with smile on their face. daehyun straight away hug me.

" you worked hard. " i said to him and give him drink.

" thank you my love. " he smile and drink the water.

i wipe his sweat. and look at him.. suddenly, a scene come out from my mind..

#Flash Back

" are you done?" 

" hmm.." he said

" mind to move your head. im tired.your head is heavy then its look" i .

" sorry.." quickly he sit straight.

" lets sit on the sofa." i stand up and pull his hand. he just follow my steps.

we sit on the sofa. he tell me the whole story that happened in his dorm.

" what is actually happened? " i asked him.

" i had make a terrible mistake. and it involve my group member." he said.

" what is it? " i asked again.

" last three days ago, we had an interview at a radio station." he stop and continue. " the DJ asking me, if you are not a BAP member now, which group do you want to be. i jokingly said, whatever happened, i will not go for BAP. some of fans take it seriously and they start to pick a fight among each other. and there is so many speculations after that. and now, i was running away from the reporters. Himchan Hyung seems mad at me but he said its okay. but i know its not okay. 1/4 fans in our fancafe had leave the room. i really wish that i can turn back time now. i don't know what to do and how to react. and reporters keep searching for me. we might be found out. and now you will be involved, what should i do Bella? huh? " again after a long explaination he cried.

#End of Flash Back

we are now at TS Ent. building. After the music program end, BAP back to their practices. i was following daehyun. i ask the members to borrow daehyun for afew hours. they just laugh and let us be. i bring Daehyun to a cafe and both of us sitting facing each other. 

" Jung Daehyun.. " i start the conversation.

" hmm? " he sip his drink and look at me.

" there is something i need to tell you.. " i look straight to his eyes.

" you seems serious. what is it?" he look at me back.

" if i tell you this.. promise me that you will not be mad.. " i tell him slowly.

" what is it dear? you make me nervous... " he smile.

i hold his hand and take a deep breath. " im leaving Korea....a day after tomorrow.." i said.

daehyun taken a back when he pull away his hand from mine.

" where are you going? " he said. serious.

" im going back to my hometown. my contract soon will be end." i said.

" you said it was a year contract! " he seems mad. " its not yet a year!"

" i know. but i have to go back early. something came out. there is a problem with my Visa." i explain to him.

" what the hell? don't kidding me Bella." his voice shaking.

" i am not.. " my voice start craking. " im sorry.. i just can't help this from happen." suddenly my eyes feels hot.

" Issabella... " he call my full name. " look at me.. " he hold my hand.

i look at him but his stares make my heart pain. tears fall down at my cheeks. Automatically daehyun sit beside me. he hug me tight. I hug him back. i cry in his chest. after a while i break the hug. calm my self and start talking again.

" do you remember.." i asked him.

" what? " he asked me back.

" what did i say when first i accepted you as my boyfriend? " i look at him straight to the eyes.

he loss. he chocked. he just carress my face. now, he is the one who got teary eye.

" i never thought it will be this fast.." he swallow his saliva. " can we pretend it never happened? " he look at me.

" dae..we already talk about this right..." i said. without looking at him, i face down.

" look at me.. " he said.

i look at him and he smile.

" lets go somewhere.." he stand.

" where? " i asked.

without my agreement, he just drag me to the car and drove me somewhere. i know there road, i know the place. it was my office. and he park the car at the park behind my office.

" we are here. dress warmly dear. its cold outside." he said while give me his sweater.

" why are we here?" im confused.

he again just smile and put on his mask and glasses. he usher me out from the car and both of us walking at the park with linking arms. i lean my head at his shoulder. he let me be. and we arrived at a restaurant where i accept his proposal. we sit at the same seat like the last time. we order the same drink we order the last time. but we did not say anything to each other. he grab my hand and put in his palm.

" do you really have to go?" he asked.

i didn't answer.

" can't you just stay by my side?" he asked again.

" but i miss my family.." i said.

" but im gonna miss you like crazy.." He said.

" me too.." i said.

" don't go.." he said slow.

" i have to.." i whisper.

" i need you.." he said.

" i have to..." i repeat.

" i want you.." he crack his voice. his grip is stronger.

" im sorry..." i held back my tears.

" i love you..." he said.

" i love you too.. " i can't even look at him. so do him. 

" can you grant my last wish? " he asked out of all sudden.

" what is it? " look at him.

suddenly he stand up and approach me. his face just a few inches from him which remind me how he propose me.

" what is it dae? " i feel a lil nervous.

" be mine.." he said.

" bu.." before i finish saying my words he kiss me on the lips. 

a real kiss. A very deep kiss. not having any thought to break the kiss, i kissed him back. we kissed about 2 minutes. and he break it. both of us seems lack of oxygen. but we don't show it. I don't really know what happened just now but one thing for sure. That was the longest and the best kiss i ever taste. it may sound ert but. i love it.

" what is that for? " i asked.

" for you.. " he said.

" your last wish is a kiss? " i asked again.

" eem.. ' he shake his head.

" so? what is it? "

" my last wish is.. that.. " he point something outside. i look at the thing.

" what is it? " i can't figure out what he trying to do.

" nothing. but now, i have secured you in my heart. you may go anywhere you want. but remember Issabella. you are mine. Forever.. " he said while smiling.

i was confused at the moment but i know somethings is not right. i look outside the window again. and now i know what is he talking about.....

3 YEARS LATER

I GOT MARRIED WITH JUNG DAEHYUN.

Im still here. sitting on my chair. in front of my computer. pressing the keyboard. generating ideas and typing out stories. I am now an official Korean citizen, well, behave on my husband. we got married last year. and im going to be a mother in the next 2 months. i was very busy with my work. i have to create another story to be publish. giving up on script writting. Daehyun said i need some rest. but i had no idea on how to create a new story. so this is how it turn out.

writting a journal of how me and my husband meet. isn't that beautiful? a story that everyone is waiting and asking. i compile it in a book. i give the Tittle 4 SEASONS. Why? because in a year of the 4 seasons, i had meet a beautiful, loving human being call Jung Daehyun. came from Busan Korea, two years younger than me adn now, living under one roof with him. My Husband and father to my child. Jung Dae Hyun.