With Mi Young knowing so much about Shinhwa and their abilities, the six men decided that letting her go off on her own wasn’t an option. While they here gradually learning to trust the young woman and were confident that she wouldn’t betray their secrets, it was better to be safe than sorry.

                It took a few days for Eric to get her a position on their staff—as he wasn’t the CEO of Shinhwa Company yet and was under the management of Good Entertainment—but since the company was still fairly lenient and friendly with their contract terms, Mi Young was hired under the title of “Head Coordinator” for the group.

                The young woman made sure to do her best for Shinhwa, putting in extra time as they finished recording their album and organizing their schedules for the upcoming promotion period.

                “Yah, do you always work this hard?” Dongwan joked with her one day as he headed out for the evening.

                Mi Young looked around, making sure no one was around before speaking freely. “Even before, you bugged me about that.”

                Dongwan blinked. “Did I?”

                “Yeah.”

                Andy tipped his head to one side. “Aren’t you worried about overworking yourself?”

                “Not really.” Mi Young shrugged. “I’m more worried about you all tiring yourselves out. Plus, I’m almost done with this anyways. Can you hand me that planner, Andy-ssi?”

                The maknae nodded and reached over, giving the small notebook to the young woman. “Yah, hyungs, are you ready yet?” He frowned, calling out for the other four who were lingering somewhere in one of the offices.

                “We’re coming,” Minwoo replied in a cheerfully, walking out clutching Jun Jin’s hand. “We just have to wait for the other two.”

                “Aish, we’re almost done. Calm down.” Hyesung sounded irritated.

                “Hyesungie-ah, hand me your shirt…” Eric sang merrily.

                “Yah, don’t say that! It makes us sound weird.” Hyesung admonished.

                Andy chuckled and Mi Young made a face, wondering what they could possibly be doing that would require Eric needing Hyesung’s shirt. After another minute of silence, the two walked out.

                Minwoo, Dongwan, Jun Jin, and Andy all burst out laughing, already knowing what had happened. Mi Young, however, tipped her head to one side.

                “Did you two… switch clothes?” Mi Young asked. Hadn’t she read about this in a blog once? How often did they do this?

                “Aigoo...” Hyesung folded his arms. “I told you it would be easy to notice.”

                “Hyesungie’s shirt is still warm…” Eric grinned and Hyesung immediately lifted his leg, ready to kick out at him.

                “Pabo…” Hyesung sniffed, trying to ignore the fact that his cheeks were red. “Let’s go, I’m hungry…”

                “All right, stop acting like a mother, Hyesung-ah.” Dongwan chuckled. “We’ll head out once Mi Young-ssi is done.”

                “Don’t wait for me.” Mi Young waved her hands, shutting her planner and tossing it into her bag. “Go on ahead, I’ll lock the office once I’ve cleaned up.”

                “We don’t mind.” Jun Jin shrugged. “What do you need to put away?”

                “Uh,” Mi Young bit her lip, her head down as she sorted through the folders. “Well, the mixer Minwoo-ssi used earlier needs to be put back… But I can do it on my own…”

                “What? How would you be able to lift the mixer, it’s too heavy.” Jun Jin lifted the hunk of equipment, boosting it onto his shoulders as he figured out where to put it. He saw a nice spot on the top of the wall shelf, next to a bunch of CDs and music folders. “You wouldn’t have been able to do this on your own.”

                “Well, I have to find a new place to put it…” Mi Young—still immersed in her folder—sniffed lightly.

                Hyesung suddenly looked up at Jun Jin, a perplexed frown on his face. Something was wrong. “Jin-ah…”

                “New place? What’s wrong with the shelf?” Minwoo asked, not noticing Hyesung’s abrupt change in mood.

                Jun Jin grunted and hoisted the mixer higher, grinning over his shoulder at Hyesung as he shoved it up on to the ledge. “What is it, Hyung?”

                Mi Young looked up. “The shelf is…” Her eyes widened as she saw what Jun Jin had done. “…Loose…”

                There was a loud creak and Jun Jin whipped his head back around, startled.

                “Jin-ah!”

                There was a crack and Minwoo blinked, surprised.

                Mi Young hurdled over her desk, knocking a stack of papers down to the ground as she dashed for the wall, using her arms to support up the shelf as the right side of it collapsed under the weight of the mixer. The CDs and folders rained down over her and her hands were pinched between the metal and the wall, but she was more worried about the rapper.

                Jun Jin held up his arms, catching the mixer against his forearms before it could slide off the side and hit him in the face. Had either of them reacted a second later, he probably would have been knocked out by the heavy block of plastic and metal.

                Hyesung was there a heartbeat later, his hands supporting Jun Jin’s weight from behind. “!”

                “Here, lift it so we can put it back on the ground.” Eric commanded, gesturing to Andy as the two of them relieved Jun Jin of the mixer’s weight and set it back on the ground. Dongwan and Minwoo were on their other side, helping Mi Young by supporting the shelf above her.

                Once they had managed to get everything down safely, the six members of Shinhwa and Mi Young all sat on the ground, winded.

                “Are you okay?” Minwoo asked Mi Young, concerned.

                Mi Young covered the small cuts and scratches on her arms, looking unfazed. “I’m all right. What about everyone else?”

                “Jin-ah…?” Hyesung turned to the rapper.

                The baby bird looked shaken, but was otherwise uninjured. “I’m fine.”

                There was a brief silence and Mi Young huffed, sorting through the mess on the ground.

                “Aish… so many papers…” The others leaned forward and assisted her.

                “Well… I guess I should find a place to put all of this…” Mi Young muttered wistfully.

                “Yah, you can do that tomorrow.” Dongwan sighed, stacking the folders neatly beside the filing cabinets. “Let’s just clean up and get out of here…”

                Mi Young didn’t argue with him. “All right.”

                Later that night, Mi Young was sitting at the old keyboard Minwoo lent her, trying to recreate the songs that Shinhwa had written during her time. She didn’t really know why she was doing it; for some reason recording all the tracks that wouldn’t exist for years to come felt reassuring to her.

                It was like a musical journal of her memories, her experiences. The lyrics, the chords, the vocal patterns and rap rhythms… Where other people would learn to knit or would take up a sport, Mi Young found solace in the sounds of her life.

                The way things were looking now, she wasn’t going back to 2014 anytime soon. Mi Young didn’t mind so much; the Shinhwa in this time treated her well and were beginning to open up to her. However, she didn’t want to forget her own time. She didn’t want the memories she had made with the old Shinhwa to be lost in her experiences with the Shinhwa in 2004. Even if she didn’t get to go back… If songs were changed or if things turned out differently, she didn’t want to lose any of it.

                “Oh ey oh, let’s party, oh ey, oh, let’s do it…” Mi Young sang softly as she keyed out the bass chords to one of her favorite songs, Run.

                She jumped when there was a knock on her door, her hands slamming on dissonant keys in surprise. After giving herself a moment to recover, she took a deep breath.

                Mi Young glanced through the peephole in the door and was shocked to see Jun Jin standing outside, looking sheepish.

                “J-Jun Jin-ssi?” She cracked open the door.

                “Hey,” He scratched at the back of his head. “That was a nice beat you had going earlier.”

                Mi Young’s face reddened. “That’s just something I came up with on my own…” She replied swiftly. “Nothing special.”

                He shrugged, only half-listening to her. “Okay.”

                There was an awkward pause.

                “Uh, do you want to come in?” Mi Young opened the door wider. On one hand she felt uneasy about letting him into her apartment; he smelled strongly of soju and his distant eyes were red from exhaustion, but on the other she didn’t want to be rude and leave him standing outside in the cold.

                “Thanks, I won’t stay long…” Jun Jin nodded slowly and headed inside, bowing slightly as he stepped through the door. He shrugged off his coat, looking a little forlorn as he sat down at the small table.

                Mi Young poured him a glass of water and sat down across from him, unsure of what to say. “Jun Jin-ssi, what’s up?”

                “Uh,” Jun Jin looked up quickly, remembering something. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box of bandages and gauze. “I figured since you cut your arms earlier, you’d need this.”

                “O-Oh…” Mi Young accepted the first-aid kit gratefully. Jun Jin always did worry about the staff, didn’t he? How sweet. “Thank you…”

                He took a sip of the water and a quiet sigh escaped his lips.

                Mi Young tipped her head to one side. She knew Jun Jin wanted to talk about something, she just didn’t know what. Then again, he never was the best at talking to people seriously… He always joked around. Maybe he didn’t know how to start a thoughtful conversation.

                “So… the weather,” Jun Jin trailed off, his words immediately confirming her suspicions.

                “Yah, what is this?” Mi Young folded her arms, a good-natured smile on her face. “You can’t just show up at my door at two in the morning asking about the weather.”

                “Aish, yeah…” He grinned as well, but the humor didn’t reach his eyes. He exhaled again, the strong scent of alcohol reaching Mi Young.

                “What’s wrong?” Mi Young leaned forward on the table, her expression serious.

                Jun Jin met her gaze evenly. “You don’t have any special powers, do you?” He asked.

                Mi Young stuck out her lower lip. “I wasn’t lying about anything I said before. As far as I know, I don’t have any abilities.”

                “I know, I know… I just wanted to make sure.” Jun Jin waved his hand in dismissal. “But even though you know about all of our abilities, you don’t seem bothered by any of it. No one is even supposed to know these things exist.”

                Mi Young nodded slowly. “Well, I was working with you all for a long time before I found out… And I wasn’t calm when I learned about it either.” She made a face. “It took me a while to get used to knowing, and a while to get used to protecting those secrets.”

                Jun Jin sat quietly. “You had a choice though, didn’t you?”

                The mood in the room darkened quickly. She looked up at him for a long time before answering. His gaze was troubled and he seemed almost envious of her. “I did have a choice, I suppose.”

                The rapper leaned back in the chair, chuckling bitterly. “That’s more than I ever had.”

                Mi Young recalled one of the last conversations she had with the Jun Jin in 2014. It had been in the van, when Mi Young had gone drinking with them and was escorting each of the members home.

                “It’s funny…” He said, giving her an odd look. Mi Young was surprised that even though Jun Jin had consumed a profuse amount of alcohol, he was still able to hold a perfectly coherent conversation.

                “What is?” She asked, focused on her driving but also making sure to glance sideways at him. Behind them, Eric, Hyesung, and Andy had been silent, either asleep or quietly listening in, she would never find out.

                “Y’know, in years before… I had a hard time dealing with the fact that everything around me was weird.” Jun Jin grinned at her, but his gaze was serious. “My family wasn’t normal, Shinhwa wasn’t a “regular” idol group… I felt like I lived in a world separate from everyone else.”

                Mi Young frowned, unsure of how to reply. “Oppa…”

                “Sometimes I still wonder what it would be like if things were different.” Jun Jin’s voice lowered. “But when I look back, even during all the hard times, I realize how fortunate I had been…”

                “…And I don’t regret anything.”

                Mi Young felt tighten as she watched the younger Jun Jin struggle.

                “I hate this…” He said, glaring down at the table. “Why me? Nothing in my life has even been normal.” His hand clenched into a fist. “Why am I the person to have all these strange things happen?”

                Mi Young pursed her lips in sympathy. “I ask myself that question a lot, too.”

                He gave her a look, but she wasn’t kidding with him.

                “Jun Jin-ssi, things seem bizarre to you now… And maybe nothing will change. Your abilities and the rest of Shinhwa’s powers aren’t going to go away.”

                The baby bird hung his head.

                “But, if you could turn back time and change what happens… Would you?” Mi Young asked, gently touching his arm. “Would you fix your family, for better or for worse… Would you not audition for SM?”

                Jun Jin looked up. “I…” He couldn’t answer. Mi Young didn’t expect him to. It had taken the other Jun Jin another decade to come up with an answer.

                Mi Young sighed. “When things are really hard, it’s difficult to see the good things in life. Sometimes it feels like there’s nowhere else to go but down.” She blinked down at the ground, feeling as if she were talking to herself more than him.

                Jun Jin’s eyes widened as she continued talking.

                “I really shouldn’t be lecturing you about having emotional problems,” Mi Young had a derisive smile on her face.  “But I know that during tough times, you have people you can count on. There’s your relatives, there’s Shinhwa…”

                Jun Jin dipped his head, ashamed. “I know that… Yet…” He took a deep breath. “I don’t hate my father. But sometimes I wish my family wouldn’t be so broken.”

                Mi Young nodded, listening to his words and feeling a pang in her heart.

                “And I have the members with me too… I just… I don’t know why I feel like this.” He was making gestures with his hands, not sure of what he was saying anymore. “I went to a doctor the other day… He said that I might need to take medication for my emotional problems, but…”

                “Sometimes you don’t need a reason to be sad or anxious.” Mi Young said quietly. She stood up, disappearing into her room for a moment before returning. She held out a bottle of pills and Jun Jin’s eyes widened as he realized she was going—or had gone through—the same problems as him. “Sometimes it just happens.”

                Jun Jin clung to her words. “But doesn’t that mean there’s something wrong with me? That I get scared or depressed for no reason?”

                “Not at all. You’ve gone through a hard time, Jun Jin-ssi.” Mi Young shook her head, quoting words her therapists and counselors had told her countless times, words that she had come to accept and live by. “The fact that you feel so strongly, it just means you’re human.”

                He looked a little taken aback as he considered what he said. “I always thought that if people found out about my abilities… I would be considered a freak, or a monster.” He closed his eyes. “I’ve been referred to as a lot of things… An idol, a dancer, a comedian, an athlete…” A small grin appeared on his face. “A bird.”

                Mi Young smiled along with him.

                “But,” Jun Jin sat back in his chair. “I don’t think I’ve been referred to just as a human. It’s weird isn’t it?”

                “I guess so. Then again, most people don’t normally call others ‘human’ in the first place…” Mi Young folded her arms, looking thoughtful. “That would be considered rude or odd, wouldn’t it?”

                Jun Jin laughed, the first joyful noise she had heard him make since their conversation started. It was pleasant, not forced at all. “And yet, out of all the names I’ve been called, why do I like being called ‘human’ the most?”

                “Because it’s truest to who you really are.” She said simply. “Except for ‘dancer,’ that is.”

                Jun Jin burst out laughing again. “Aish, are you sure you don’t read minds like Andy-ah?” He chuckled, only half-joking. “Because you seem to know me—and the others, for that matter—so well.”

                Mi Young stuck her tongue out. “I’ve had to deal with you for almost five years. I know you better than you realize.”

                Jun Jin continued grinning. “Well, I guess that’s a good thing.”

                “For you, maybe. But you six exhaust me.”

                His expression calmed down. “But really… Thank you, Mi Young-ssi.”

                She sobered up as well. “For what?”

                “Helping me see the good things.”

                Mi Young rested her head on her arm, propping her elbow up on the table. “Yeah, anytime. I’m glad I could do something to make you feel better.”

                The rapper cuffed her shoulder lightly. “You’re helping a lot more than you think.”

                “Am I?”

                “Yeah, I haven’t seen Andy-ah laugh so cheerfully in months.”

                Mi Young frowned. “He was also having troubles before, right? In America?”

                Jun Jin nodded, a little forlorn as he thought of the youngest member. “He was a completely different person when he returned. But now that he’s working with us again… And especially after meeting you…”

                Mi Young felt her cheeks heat up. “P-please, I’m not all that.”

                Jun Jin smiled. “No, I didn’t mean… Ah, it’s just… Andy-ah seems to have found someone outside of his hyungs that he can trust completely. I think we all have, actually.”

                Mi Young shifted her arm slightly. “You trust me?”

                “Andy did from the first day, yeah. And I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like that.” Jun Jin took another sip of water. “And the rest of us have grown to, as well.”

                Mi Young made a tiny bow, unable to stop herself. “Well, now that I know… I’ll continue to do my best.”

                Jun Jin nodded, mimicking her shy movement. “Please take care of us, okay?”

[Why hello, it’s been a little while! Hope everyone’s new year has been off to a good start!

I was watching Shinhwa videos—as always—and the interviews where Jun Jin discussed his battle with anxiety and depression really got to me, so I decided that it would be best if I included some of his angst in the storyline, since this is kind-of around the time he was going through it. Plus, a little character development here and there is good too, ne? ;)

Also, my writing style feels like it has been going through a change… maybe it’s because of the events in my life going on, or something else… But maybe I’m just overthinking things as well. What do you all think? Better, the same, or worse? Comments are always greatly appreciated!

I’m sensing a lot of fun in the next chapter, though, so please look forward to it! (bows)]