“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE ON A ROAD TRIP?!”

“Sorry, dongsaeng, but I promise we’ll be there to pick her up...in a week.”

“IN A WEEK?!”

“Oh shut up and deal with it! You know how she’s easily entertained. I’m sure you can deal with her for just a few extra days.”

As soon as those words processed through his mind, Junsu’s memories flashed back to the previous night, reminding him of all the crap that he had to put together for a single story...and the punishment that came after...of his niece telling him another.

“NOOOO!”

“QUIT SHOUTING, DAMN IT!”

“NOONA! I REFUSE! THERE IS NO WAY YOU’RE MAKING ME DO THAT ALL OVER AGAIN!”

“...Did you molest her?”

“WHAT?!”

“Just kidding~ Sheesh, quit taking things so seriously-”

A man’s voice could be heard in the background, whispering some other nonsense that Junsu couldn’t decipher.

“Anyway, bye Junsu-yah~ Have fun with our little angel, okay?”

“WAIT-”

Dial tone.

As he slowly pulled the phone away from his ear in horror, Sun Mi bounded over to his side and cut off the circulation in his leg with a hug. “Uncle Su! You’re gonna stay with me for a whole week?!” She squealed happily. “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY~”

...Oh pudding...my deity...why have you abandoned me....why have you forsaken me~

His niece’s shrill voice interrupted his inner-mind’s theater. “Uncle Su~ Uncle Su~” She skipped off to the kitchen while singing a song...that only consisted of his name and “uncle.” “Uncle Su~ UNCLE SUUUUUUUUUU~ Uncle uncle Su~”

“Yah, if you’re gonna sing, at least sing a real song.” He walked behind her, still holding the phone which had spelled his doom...well, at least it had relayed the voice of the woman who spelled his doom. “Anyway, it’s lunch time, and then after this, nap time. What do you want to eat?”

But she had only focused on two words. “Nap time...?”

“Yeah.” An evil glint entered his eyes as he slowly turned his head to look at her. She stiffened up; why was her uncle grinning like a maniac? “NAP TIME. FOR SIX HOURS. Then you wake up for dinner. AND THEN IT’S BED TIME AGAIN.” He said all of this in a very deep and chilling voice.

“...I’M NOT TWO!” she screamed. “I don’t take naps!”

“Kekekekekeke~” All of a sudden, a dolphin puppet appeared from behind his back (in the phoneless hand, of course) and he waved it around. “Mr. Puffinstuffin says that nap time is for EVERYONE under the age of SEVENTEEN~”

“No fair!” She stamped her foot in protest. “And you take naps all the time!”

He waved the dolphin again. “Nooooo~ I don’t~ After seventeen, it merely becomes optional.”

“That’s still not fair!”

“Listen to your uncle, Sun Mi~”

“UNCLE, I WANNA TALK TO YOU, NOT A DOLPHIN.”

He cleared his throat and stashed his beloved puppet away. “Fine. He doesn’t like you, anyway.” He sniffed. “So...lunch. What do you want? No more arguments,” he added when she opened wide. “You nap. You’re under seventeen. It’s illegal if I let you stay awake.”

“Oh, please,” she scoffed, rolling her eyes. “I’m five and I know that’s not true.”

“Pft, you...don’t know...your elbow from your knee.”

“I want macaroni!” she suddenly exclaimed, pushing him aside to go to the pantry. “Uncle, it’s on a high shelf. I can’t reach it. Get it for me!”

“Hmph.”

“UNCLE~~~”

“You’re being mean to me. You won’t listen to me and I’m older than you.”

“Xiah Junsu, if you don’t get me that Kraft box, and I can’t get my mac and cheese on, I’m gonna tell my mama that you’re still starving me AND that you fed me chocolate pudding last night, when you know I’m not supposed to eat chocolate an hour before my bedtime. Then you fed me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and then a random piece of bread which came from thin air, and then you told me all about transvestites and ~”

“And then what, you’re gonna say that I mole-”

He quickly shut his mouth.

“...What, Uncle Su?”

“NOTHING!”

Sun Mi stared at him for a long moment. “Mole? Moles are cute.” She tilted her head sideways. “Unless you mean face moles. Those aren’t cute.”

“No, they aren’t,” he said hastily, “and they never were. You know those are the marks that your mom left on you when she sat on you accidentally and tooted in your face...when...you...were...” He trailed off at her total what-the-eff look. “What?”

“..............Uncle. Who told you that?”

“...your grandmother...”

“Grandma’s an old hag. You shouldn’t listen to her.” She pointed to the pantry again. “Mac and cheese. AHORA.”

“A...what?!”

Junsu was done washing the minimal amount of dishes and finally headed to the bedroom where Sun Mi would be sleeping...again...to his dismay. But then-

“WAAAAAAH!”

“SUN MI?!” He quickly rushed over to her room to find-

“SEUNG RI-OPPA~” ...to find Sun Mi watching Seung Ri’s What Can I Do? music video on the desktop.

“...What-”

Two things were on Junsu’s mind at the moment. One, she was still WAY TOO YOUNG to be fangirling on an idol that smirks like it’s his life energy. AND TWO, HOW IN THE WORLD DOES SHE KNOW HOW TO USE THE COMPUTER ANYWAY?!

“I’m breaking down...down...down...down...down~”

He listened to his niece sing along to the lyrics, only they were horribly off-tune...and much more...ew (the best and most eloquent way to describe it).

“SUN MI!”

“Uncle! Not now, I’m watching Seung Ri!”

“BED TIME!”

“BUT BUT BUT-” and she paused for a moment before a certain portion of the song came up, “But I’m breaking down...down-”

“STOP!” And Junsu did the most cruel thing in the world.

“...NOOOOOOOO!”

That’s right, he unplugged the computer, and Seung Ri’s face went poof.

“BED TIME, YOUNG LADY!”

“BUT IT’S ONLY 6:45!”

“And somewhere in Australia, it’s 8:45. BED TIME, NOW GO!”

“But-...But-...” she began to pout.

“Your mother taught you to do that, so you could bribe me.”

“...man, mommy~ IT DIDN’T WORK!”

Junsu smirked inwardly in his personal victory.

“But I dun wanna go to sleep, Uncle Suuuuuu~”

And Junsu sighed...there was no way to persuade this girl...unless...

“...Would you...would you go to sleep if I told you another story?”

Authors' Note: WHAT IS UP, MY DUCKLINGS?! Doing good? Anyway...look who's back. That's right. The crack writers. The two people who should not be left alone on a word doc because crack...will...happen. Things go boom. Lots of 'splosions. Yes. Anywho. It may be wise for you to read our other crackfic, Pudding War, because we somewhat reference it. Actually, we do reference it. A lot. Like, it's not even funny.

Karlo says he has nothing to say, other than this is the best thing we've ever written because it's crack YET IT MAKES SENSE.

The main reference is to the British series "Doctor Who" and while we'll probably provide ways of showing references, like links to other videos and such, it would be best if you get yourselves acquainted with that series to understand this the most.

WARNING: this fic contains some minor foul language (which may be unsuitable for kids), some rather childish and unusual inside jokes and humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and complete and utter randomness (which is probably not suitable for anyone at all, but hey, this exists).

I will also commend anyone that can read through the whole thing without going insane. May the Force be with you.

~Andi~

P.S: POSTER DONE BY PHEBS. ISN'T IT ING AWESOME?!