The tension was rising as Seung Ri, Min Young, and Doctor Woo hid behind one of the many large boulders scattered along the volcanic terrain (and yes, the huge rock was made of chocolate).

“Doctor!” Seung Ri shout-whispered.

“What?” Wooyoung replied as he prepared himself for the one shot that would be the ultimate demise of the giant, rabid chocolate bunny that was apparently sniffing around for their scent. Good thing they smothered chocolate all over their clothes to be able to hide the foreigner smell.

“How did that...big...gun thing...fit in your pocket anyway?”

“Time Lord technology, but of course.”

“What?”

“Pockets. They’re bigger on the inside.”

Junsu stopped his story momentarily to look at his...enlarged audience. There they all were, just staring at him, waiting for him to continue. TOP, Ji Yong, Daesung, Taeyang (who had Sun Mi sitting on his lap), and three of the four members of 2PM from the previous night (Junsu had his own personal schedule conflicts), though Nichkhun had decided to join them this time (Taecyeon was...off somewhere else gracing someone with his gigantic presence). Seung Ri...was still promoting his solo singles.

But then, Junsu noticed something...rather...off.

“Yo, where did you get that popcorn from?!”

“Uh...from your pantry?” Chansung replied rather innocently, sticking his hands back into the small bag and shoving another heaping handful of popcorn into his mouth.

“YAH, SHARE!” Junho dove for the bag, only ending up with his stomach to the floor, and Chansung placing his feet on his back as some type of foot rest.

“Yo, idiots, shut up. I want to hear the story!” Taeyang bellowed. “You’re tired of them too, right Sun Mi?”

“Yeah, Taeyang-oppa~” she hugged him again as well as pecking his cheek.

“YAH, SUN MI, THAT’S NOT FAIR! YO BAE, SHARE HER!” Ji Yong shouted from across from them, only for Taeyang to reply by sticking out his tongue. Sun Mi mimicked Tae’s actions.

“Why...in...the world...are you all here anyway?” Junsu questioned.

“YAH, HOW RUDE! WE WERE JUST HERE YESTERDAY!” Wooyoung shouted.

“I just followed them here.” That was Nichkhun.

“No, I know why you guys are here. I meant them.” Junsu pointed at the Big Bang members accusingly.

“The Jun.K. told us to come and make sure that none of s caused any chaos than they would normally,” Ji Yong replied.

“Oh, gotcha. Anyway, back to the story.”

“Bout time.”

“You know...if you’re gonna complain about how I run things...the door...is that way.”

“...STORY TIME!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!”

The Doctor loaded his gun.

“I only have enough capacity for one shot. If this misses...”

“...then what?” Min Young looked at him with a very concerned expression.

“Well, let’s find out, shall we?”

The Doctor ran out from behind the chocolate bar rock, hollering some very very awkward indian type of battle cry as he charged the rabbit...who was already melting its life away anyway because of the extreme heat from the volcano. Right before the Doctor could get within range of it.

Splat.

The hardened chocolate just gave way, melted, and reduced to a large puddle on the ground.

“Well...what a victory.” Doctor Woo put his bazooka back in his pocket, his two companions approaching him slowly.

“What...What happened?”

“I guess the volcanic activity underground was heating the ground to such a high temperature that the chocolate bunny wasn’t able to maintain its solid form.” The Doctor took some of the chocolate from the ground and onto his finger, it off. “Mmmm~ Not bad, it’s milk chocolate-”

“DOCTOR!”

The Doctor’s hands immediately clasped around his throat. He was choking.

“SEUNG RI, WHAT DO WE DO?!”

“OH, GUYS, OUR MAKNAE IS IN THIS STORY!”

“WELL NO DUH, JI, HE SAID THAT AT THE BEGINNING!”

“I DON’T KNOW! BANG HIS HEAD AGAINST SOMETHING AGAIN!”

“DUDE, NOT COOL!”

“No need.” The Doctor responded.

However...both Seung Ri and Min Young’s eyes widened as they both stepped away from the body. That...was not the Doctor’s voice. Well, it was...but it was like a two part dialogue, both voices saying something at the exact same time...alien was it?

The Doctor...no, the Doctor’s body stood up, turning around to face his companions, but his eyes...they were...black. NO, they weren’t black...they were...brown?

“I-...Is that-”

“Yes...” Seung Ri managed to reply. “That’s...chocolate.”

The smirk on the creature’s lips made the two even more scared than they already were.

“Wh-...Who are you?”

“My my. Min Young, do you not recognize me?”

That alien/robotic reply did not convince Min Young...but suddenly-

“ACK!” The whites of the Doctor’s eyes reappeared, and once again, he was choking. “GET...IT...OUT!”

“DOCTOR!”

“MIN YOUNG, STAY BACK- I mean, it’s only me, Min- MIN YOUNG, WE DON’T HAVE MUCH TIME!” The Doctor’s eyes kept switching between its normal whtie and black, and the evil milk-chocolatey brown.

“....What-....What do I do, Doctor?!”

“HE-...HERE!” He reached shakily into his pocket and pulled out the bazooka from before, his face cringing in sever pain. He tossed it over to her. “Set-...impact zone-...to vaporize-...”

She did as she was told. “NOW WHAT?!”

“SHOOT ME!”

“OMOOOOOOO~”

“WELL THEN?!” This was Wooyoung now. “HOW DO I DIE?!”

“Sheesh, so morbid...” Nichkhun said under his breath.

“Relax,” Woo lowered his voice a bit. “I just want to hear the bad... way I die,” he corrected himself, for Junsu had side-eyed him hard.

Min Young aimed the rocket launcher directly at the Doctor’s chest. Her lower lip trembled. “Doctor, please don’t make me do this...please!” She screwed up her eyes, not wanting to look at him while she took the shot (which would, of course, put everything around her in danger of being destroyed, but she wasn’t too concerned with that). “I don’t want to see you explode into a million pieces. I don’t think my heart can take it. Please, Doctor...”

“It’s okay, sweetie. Just lower the bazooka. You don’t- ACK! No...do it...! Min Young...it’s...getting...harder...just ignore that fool, it’s the alien. He...MIN YOUNG. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, I WOULD NEVER CALL YOU SWEETIE. I- UGH NO....no...no...he’s trying to confuse you, Min Young. I always solve the impossible. Right? I’m the Doctor, a Time Lord. I can do anything.”

“DAMN STRAIGHT, SON.” Wooyoung flexed his arm.

Nichkhun reached over and knocked the side of his head. “Shush. You keep interrupting.”

“I...can’t! I can’t, Doctor! Wooyoung! Whoever you are...” She gripped the handle of the launcher harder. “I just...want to let you know...before I do this...that I...I...”

She heard a voice inside her mind let out a sigh. “Oh, for crying out loud...he’s a Time Lord. Just shoot him.” The voice seemed vaguely familiar...someone she trusted and knew...and so...

“Fine.” She pulled the trigger.

“YAH!” Wooyoung pushed off the table, standing up abruptly. Junsu smirked, as did the other members of 2PM (in attendance). He gripped his hair and seemed to have a mini-seizure at the table. “You...can’t...just...kill me off so soon and in a retarded way! I MATTER TO THIS STORY! I AM THE MAIN CHARACTER, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!”

Taeyang sipped on his Diet Coke. “You know...Joss Whedon killed off his main character. TWICE.”

“THAT WAS A TV SHOW AND IT STARRED A BLOND CHICK! THIS IS ME!”

“But you are blond,” TOP said in a quiet voice.

“SHE’S NOT AS COOL AS THE WOO WARRIOR!”

“Oh, you did not just insult Buffy in front of me.” Chansung cracked his knuckles. “Are we gonna have a problem here, hyung?” (Because he totally watches anything the Whedon master puts out)

Junho smacked both of them upside the head. “Will you two quit your bit...?” He cut off at a glare from Junsu...and strangely enough, Ji Yong. “I mean, your...complaining and just sit down, shut up, and enjoy the story? Maybe hyung will let you go out in a really cool way.”

“Yeah,” Junsu agreed. “I could...I dunno...bring you back, too...make you even cooler with powers and stuff.”

“Oh, whatever.” Wooyoung sat back down, still pouting like a little kid. “Make it really cool, then.”

“Okie dokie.”

Min Young could not fight it anymore. She opened her eyes the instant she pulled the trigger and watched in horror as the missile hit the Doctor and made him explode into a billion pieces. This Humpty Dumpty was sure to never be put back together again.

“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!”

“You said make it cool. You exploded. Isn’t that kinda cool?”

“I DIDN’T WANT TO ACTUALLY DIE, THOUGH! I WAS FRONTIN’! YOU KNOW, LIKE THE GANGSTA I AM! HOLLA! And what do you do? YOU KILL ME OFF!”

“Oh. Well...too bad. As I was saying...”

She dropped to her knees, fighting back the misery. “No...no, what did I do?! Why did I listen to him?!”

“RAWWWWWWWWWWWWR I AM THE GIANT CHOCOLATE MONSTER OF DOOOOOOOOOOOOM!” A great big blob rose from the ground, gyrating in a very grotesque manner. Min Young squealed in disgust and crawled backward, empty bazooka still in hand. “FEAR ME! FEAR ME! FEAR-” It never got to finish its sentence for Seung Ri had thrown himself at the blob...and disappeared into it.

All of Big Bang’s eyes grew wide. “Did...did our little maknae...just sacrifice himself...to save...the girl?” Daesung said in a deadpanned voice.

TOP and Ji Yong slowly nodded, looking incredibly shocked.

Taeyang burst into tears. “HE’S GROWN INTO SUCH A FINE MAN!”

“Er...okay...then...” Trying to be quiet and subtle about it, Junho moved his chair farther away from them. “Should I get you some napkins, dude?” It seemed Taeyang still did not hear him, for he continued to wail at his “adorable little brother’s achievements.”

Sun Mi scooted closer to Junsu. “Uncle,” she whispered into his ear. “Do they know this is just a story?”

“You know, I’m not exactly sure they’re aware of this. We’ll just...leave them alone.”

The blob monster (looking more and more like the Golgothan from Dogma...Google Images can clear up what that hideous beast looked like) stumbled around, looking very confused...or well, Min Young assumed it was confused, since the monster had no eyes...or mouth...or nose...or ears...how was it speaking anyway?

“YOU’RE TELLING THE STORY, YOU TELL US!”

“You. Dragon boy. Peese shut mouf.”

Suddenly, it halted in its tracks and let out a snarl. Then it gasped. How was it making these noises?! “Uh...UH OH!”

A pearly white set of teeth (or rather, what would have been a pearly white set of teeth were they not covered in chocolate) appeared in the middle of the monster’s abdomen. “Eating something from the inside out~” the mouth laughed. Seung Ri! “So take this!” His head popped out, dripping in the dark, milky sweetness. “PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM, MONSTER!” He began to take large bites out of the very creature he seemed to be in.

“Seung Ri!”

“It’s okay! I love chocolate~”

Digimon, digital monsters, Digimon are the champions~

Everyone turned in unison to glare heavily at the ringing pants of Daesung. He blushed in embarrassment and rushed off to answer the phone.

Taeyang gripped Junsu’s collar. “Keep going! The suspense is killing me!”

The same voice that Min Young had imagined in her head...spoke just a few inches from her left ear. “I can’t believe you just did that!”

She whipped around, her hand flying to her chest. “Doctor?!”

Wooyoung glared down at her, hands on his hips...making him look less menacing and more like a pissed-off house wife. “I cannot believe you just shot at me!” She realized why she had not immediately recognized his voice; he was now...speaking...with a Scottish growl. “How could you do that?!”

“OHMYGOD. OHMYGOD.” Chansung fell forward onto the table and howled even harder, banging his fist against the wood. “YOU DID NOT GIVE HIM A SCOTTISH ACCENT.” Tears poured down his face, but they were a result of the laughter. “Oh...my...god...”

“TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL~” Daesung cried, imitating 2PM’s maknae. “HE’S SCOTCH-KOREAN! DOES HE EAT STARBURST, TOO?! AND PLAY BAGPIPES?! IS HE JUICY LIKE A LIQUID?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~”

Wooyoung sunk farther into his seat, ignoring the smirks and winks from all of his friends. “I hate you guys...”

Ji Yong leaned over and slobbered all over Woo’s shoulder. “Contradictions taste good.” That caused everyone at the table (minus Wooyoung and Junsu, who was about to kill someone if they interrupted him again) to erupt into laughter. Even Sun Mi giggled in her chair.

“Alright, back to the story.”

“HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?!”

“YOU TOLD ME TO SHOOT!”

“Well duh, if you kept your damn eyes open, you would have noticed I moved!” he growled in the same y-licious Scottish accent as before...

Wooyoung’s eye twitched. “I’ll ignore that comment...because...coming from a male storyteller...it’s a bit worrisome.” He motioned for Junsu to continue. “Keep going. This shhhhhhtuff is getting good.”

Min Young looked at the Doctor with some type of mixed expression. She was both looking at him as if he was the damn most crazy person in the world, but also so glad that he did NOT die after the shot.

“Sheesh, freakin’ Asians with small eyes. No wonder they can’t see shi-”

“FIVE!”

“-shtuff.”

“...Doctor.”

“What?” he asked more angrily than ever, the Scottish growl more noticeable than ever. However, his face began to ease up as a soft smile appeared on her face. “What are you-”

However, the Doctor’s sentence was cut off as Min Young wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. “I’m so glad you’re alive...”

“AWWWWWWWW~” Sun Mi squealed, “THAT IS SO CUTE~”

“That is so kyuuuu- blah blah blah, whatever, get passed all the mushy stuff already!” Wooyoung demanded.

“YOU!” Sun Mi pointed at Wooyoung accusingly. “SHUT MOUF! YOU SHUT MOUF RIGHT NOW!”

All eyes were on the little girl that Taeyang still held in his lap, though Junsu, unlike all the others that were giving her shocked and worried looks, feigned crying.

“I’ve (sniffle) taught her so well~”

“KEEP GOING UNCLE E!”

“I’m-” Doctor Woo was rather speechless at the moment. The intimate action had caught him off guard, but surprisingly, his tension was beginning to decrease, and he began to relax in her arms-

“DUDE, I SOUND SO GAY~”

“YAH, DOCTOR-OPPA!” Sun Mi exclaimed. “YOU WERE ONLY A TRANNIE IN THAT ONE!”

“WHAT?!”

However, while Wooyoung was still in a state of shock, Min Young let go of him and...

“FUUUUUUUH-REAK!”

...she kneed him in the...well...that...area.

“WHAT THE HELL?!?!”

The room was roaring with laughter, even Taeyang, who nearly dropped Sun Mi in the process. Wooyoung was now raging, like with fire in his eyes and everything as he began throwing his arms around like some rabid creature while mumbling (shouting) nonsense.

“WHO IS THIS MIN YOUNG GIRL?! I DEMAND TO KNOW SO I CAN SUE THE LIVIN’ RATS OFF HER FOR TOUCHIN’ MY PRETTY FACE AND ALMOST KILLING MY CHANCES OF REPRODUCTION...”

...and so on and so forth.

“THAT!” She stood in greater height than he was now; granted, he was still cupping his...you know whats...and crouching down to the ground. “IS FOR MAKING ME DAMN WORRIED AND ALMOST CRY!”

“YEAH, TRANNIE! YOU DON’T MAKE GIRLS CRY!”

“...I don’t. WAIT A MINUTE, WHY THE HECK AM I LISTENING TO A FIVE YEAR OLD-”

“I AM FIVE AND A QUARTER, THANK YOU!”

“GUYS, SHUT UUUUUP!”

One would have expected that roar of a demand to be TOP, but actually, this time, it was the shortest Big Bang member, Taeyang, that had launched the...roar.

“Now,” he began and turned to Sun Mi and gave her an eskimo kiss, “We should just get on with the story, right Sun Mi-yah?”

“Right, Taeyang-oppa~”

“Pft, kid up,” Wooyoung grumbled, crossing his arms in a very childish manner as he did so.

“Hey, at least I don’t yell about my...ability to reproduce...being voided.”

“What does...reeee....prawwww...dooooos mean, oppa?”

“ANYWAY!” Nichkhun came in, trying hard to suppress his laughter and remain the most mature out of the group. “Junsu, please continue.”

Right.

“...So...much...pain...”

However, the Doctor immediately (magically) stood up as the ground began to shake.

“W-W-What’s going on?!”

“Mt. Coronus Chocolateus is erupting!!”

“DOCTOR!”

“WE MUST EVACUATE!”

“WELL NO SH-”

“FIVE AND A QUARTER!”

“-DUH, SHERLOCK!”

The three (Min Young, Seung Ri, and the Doctor) now hastily, but shakily (hahahaha, so punny) made their way back to the beach where they had crash landed, finding the other One Way members already waiting for them, the door to the DAMNIT still closed. Wooyoung snapped his fingers, and the door opened; the One Way members going inside first while the other three were still making their way across the beach.

“HURRY UP!” Young Sky shouted.

“YEAH, HURRY! GET INTO THE DAMNIT, DAMN IT!” Peter immediately followed up with.

Halfway there, Min Young couldn’t resist the urge to turn around to look at the volcano... “OHGODOHGODOHGODTHELAVAISLIKERIGHTTHERE!!” She leaped onto the Doctor’s back, causing him to fall face-forward into the TAR-

“UNCLE!”

Into the DAMNIT. “You have five seconds to explain yourself,” Wooyoung growled, his voice muffled by the glass floor.

Somehow, Seung Ri had made his way below, down into the area where most of the gears and gadgets were located. He glanced up once and made a face at Wooyoung. “What the heck are you doing, Doctor? I just mopped the floors!” He pouted. “Now that glass will have a smudge of your face on it.”

“GET OFF ME!” the Doctor screeched, scaring Min Young into doing just that...while treading on his fingers.

Wooyoung buried his face into his hands as Chansung and Junho howled with laughter. “This is so not cool...I should report you for abuse...”

Junsu rolled his eyes. “And do what? Tell them you’re a Time Lord, you’re over 900 years old, and that you almost shagged a nineteen year old girl? That’s the best plan in the world, Woo. Go for it. See how padded they make your cell.”

Sun Mi tugged on her uncle’s sleeve. “Yah~ Uncle Su-su!”

“What is it this time?”

“...what does ‘shagged’ mean?”

Everyone looked at each other, but it was TOP who answered.

“It means they threw Scooby Doo at each other out of love.”

“Omooooooooooo~” She made big goo-goo eyes at Taeyang. “Oppa! Do you think Seung Ri-oppa would let me shag him?”

It took a great deal of effort for everyone not to laugh or groan at the same time. Finally, Daesung reached over to pat her head. “We can ask him for you, sweetie. Let’s get back to the story! So they’re in the DAMNIT...”

Peter poked Wooyoung hard in the arm. “So you’re not possessed anymore, right?”

Young Sky made a judo chop in midair. “Because if you are...”

“Can we please forget about that incident and move on?” He dusted himself off and glared hard at Min Young. “You. Midget. Kiss my fingers.”

“Ew, no.”

“KISS THEM AND MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER!”

“NO!”

“YOU STEPPED ON ME! YOU SO OWE ME! KISS THEM!”

And she did, very lightly and very quickly. “You are like a freaking child. Why am I in love with you?!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms in the air and walking away in a huff. “Stupid...no good...spikey haired...blond...freakazoid...Time Lord...”

Wooyoung happened to take notice of what she was wearing and yelled after her, “And for God’s sake, put on some trousers! I can’t have you walking like it aint no thang above a glass...ceiling...” He trailed off as he realized exactly what this meant. He made a disgusted face. “OH, SEUNG RI!!!”

“Sorry,” came the weak and sheepish apology.

“Now what?” asked Chance as he fiddled with some random lever that appeared to do nothing. Well, it appeared to do nothing for all of ten seconds until a second giant egg came rushing out of a compartment and smashed on the glass floor. “Ha! Missed me!” He accidentally flicked it again, and the next one hit the back of his head. “Never mind.”

“Will you stop doing that?!” Wooyoung shoved them away and hit a few switches. “Anyway, I think we should drop you guys off somewhere. The DAMNIT is becoming way too crowded-”

“Hang on!” Peter interrupted, quite offended. “This place is enormous! Why you gonna kick us off? We’re awesome! For crying out loud, we’re Facts!”

“YOU GUYS AREN’T EVEN SUPPOSED TO EXIST!”

“Man, why ya gotta put it-?”

“STOP SAYING THAT!” Wooyoung grabbed his hair and tugged on it slightly to keep from blowing up at them altogether. “Look, I just saved us from a second coming of Vesuvius but with chocolate that could melt our faces off. I just want to keep this going and keep traveling with the two people I call my companions. I am dropping you off.” He hit a few buttons and then suddenly the DAMNIT was flying through the universe.

“OI~” Min Young and Seung Ri had to hang onto the railings everywhere in order to stay on their feet. “What have you done?!” she screamed.

“I’m taking these boys home!”

[five minutes later]

“DO I LOOK NORWEGIAN TO YOU?!”

The Doctor had landed them at none other than Bad Wolf Bay. It was a very overcast day, and of course the shore was deserted. “Why is this place so familiar?” he asked Min Young.

She looked around. “Um...it...should be.” She stared at him curiously. “Doctor...have you honestly forgotten all about R-?”

“Hey, guys!” Seung Ri jogged over to them. “We can’t just drop them off here! This is like thousands of miles from Korea. We have to at least get to Jeju Island before we just cast them off like dumpster babies.”

“ExCUSE me!” Young Sky chest-bumped him, looking very affronted. “Did you just call us dumpster babies?! What the hell?!”

Min Young stepped between them before any other insults could be flung at the other man. “Listen up. If the Doctor wants to set down here, then that’s that. We shouldn’t keep fighting him on things. We should just ease up and let him do things his way, though we can intervene whenever it’s absolutely necessary.”

“...You’re just saying that because if you don’t argue with him, he’ll let you run around in skirts.”

“Alright, Seung Ri. Come here. I’m gonna pop you one in the face.”

Suddenly, the Doctor (who had been walking around the shore, looking at things in interest) came barrelling down the beach, waving his arms wildly. “GO! GET BACK IN THE DAMNIT! No, you stay,” he added when the guys from One Way moved forward, as well. “You all can’t die. But they can!” He frantically motioned to Seung Ri and Min Young. “GO!”

“What?!” she squeaked in alarm. “Doctor, what’s wrong?!”

“It’s...it’s...IT’S...”

“BED TIME!!!”

“NO!”

“ARGH!”

“WHAT THE EFF, IT’S NOT EVEN TEN YET!”

“UNCLE, KEEP GOING!!!”

He picked her up and tucked her under his arm like a soccer ball. She squirmed and protested but he kept a firm grip on her. He grinned at everyone else. “Kicking you guys out of my house. We can finish this tomorrow.”

“But hyung~” the guys from 2PM whined.

Big Bang kept their cool for the most part; Taeyang had to be lifted from his chair forcibly by TOP. Jiyong nodded at Junsu. “Fine. It’ll be the fourth time the Big Bang happens, then.”

“The...what?”

Daesung ruffled Sun Mi’s hair. “Night, little one!”

It took quite a bit of persuasion (and promises of some sort of snack) in order to get the 2PM guys out of the house. Wooyoung dragged his feet purposely; he wanted to know about the horror the Doctor had faced but sadly, he would have to wait until the next day. Nichkhun had crashed out sometime after the eruption of the volcano; he would be left behind in order to make room for...perhaps Taecyeon...

“YAH UNCLE, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS LEAVE OFF ON CLIFFHANGERS?!”

“Because I am cruel and mean and the narrator.” He stuck his tongue out at her. “Deal with i-” SMACK. “Alright, that’s it. You slapped me. No pudding tonight for you.”