Our...main character finally said goodnight to his sister and his parents before making his way to his bedroom, and falling asleep into a deep...deep...deep...deeep-

“OKAY, I GET IT UNCLE!”

...deep slumber.

“What’s the person’s name?!”

Uh...he...doesn’t have one.

“NO, YOU CAN’T DO THAT! HE HAS TO HAS A NAME!”

“Well who do you suggest then...” Junsu didn’t even bother arguing with her anymore. Apparently, the almighty pudding deities above did not pity him at all, and no arguing was going to get him back up to authority over this five year-old that he was apparently related to.

“THE TRANNIE!”

“YAH!” he shouted. “DON’T SAY THAT!”

“BUT HE SHOULD BE THE DUDE...UNLESS HE’S A GIRL, AND THEN IT WOULD BE PERFECT! MISS SIR BLUE THONG!”

“...You mean Wooyoung?”

“YEAH, HIM!”

...Wooyoung fell into a deep slumber, but shortly (seemingly) after that he woke up, no longer on his comfortable bed of...bed-i-ness but on a hard steel floor. Alarms sounded everywhere and the familiar red light flashed on and off, signaling GET THE HECK OUTTA THERE, DUMBOS!!

“DOCTOR!”

Wooyoung turned towards the voice, for he knew not what else to do, and found an amazingly...beautiful girl running towards him. Actually, he was just sitting there (with this hands supporting his weight) staringly stupidly at the girl running towards him that he didn’t even notice himself being dragged up to his feet...wow.

ANYWHOOOS.

“DOCTOR! WE HAVE TWENTY MINUTES LEFT, WE MUST EVACUATE!”

“OOOO, THIS IS GETTING GOOOD~”

“Yeah yeah yeah, YOU SHUT MOUF!”

“PSH, KEEP GOING!”

“Twenty minutes til what?” he shouted; nonetheless, he let the girl drag him towards whatever destination awaited them.

“Uh...excuse me miss.”

“Doctor! We don’t have time for this, the planet!”

‘Planet?’ “Uh...what planet?”

“THIS ONE, IT’S ABOUT TO DETONATE! WE MUST GET BACK TO THE-”

“Whoa whoa whoa, hold up, shorty.” He pulled her to a halt, not even minding the sirens and red flashes. “What do you mean the planet is about to detonate?”

The girl stared at him as if he had completely lost his mind. “Doctor. Detonate. You know. Explode. Blow up. Go boom. Pick one!” She shook her head vigorously. “Oh, never mind. Just come on! We haven’t a moment to spare!” She pointed towards a...giant egg?

“Uncle. Be more creative than that.”

“FINE. You give me something.”

“A GIANT HAMSTER BALL!”

...No, his eyes mistook him, it was literally a giant hamster...ball. The colour was definitely black, but if you looked closely enough, the material was actually translucent-

“What does tra...tran...loo...shent mean?”

“Your face.”

“The the material was my face?”

“Yes, the hamster ball was hairy and nasty, because it was actually your head and-”

“EWWWWW. NO, CHANGE IT BACK TO AN EGG!”

“NOPE, IT’S STAYING A FACE-MADE HAMSTER BALL! ...AND THEY ENTER THROUGH ITS MOUTH!”

“SO WHAT IS IT?”

“It’s a freakin’ BALL!”

The ball was obviously larger than your average hamster ball...but taken into perspective, the ball was roughly only big enough to fit one person.

“Uh...what are we gonna do in...that...thing.”

“I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT WAS MY FACE!”

“Pft, no, yo’ face aint gettin’ anywhere NEAR this story.”

“So then...what is it?”

“It’s a black hamster ball you can see through.”

“OOOOOOH-”

Okay, shut up, back to story.

“DOCTOR!” The girl briefly placed her hand over his forehead. “Are you ill? We must get inside the DAMNIT-”

“OOOOOOO, UNCLE SAID A BAD WOOOORD~”

“IT’S AN ACRONYM, DAMN IT!”

“YOU SAID IT AGAIN!”

Ugh, whatever.

“We must get inside the DAMNIT to evacuate!”

“What the hell...is a DAMNIT? And won’t it be a little...oh I dunno...CROWDED IN THERE? Talk about no personal space?”

Without even answering him again, she took his hand and ran over to the hamster ball, but stopped right in front of it, held his head with both her hands, and bashed it against the side of it.

“OW, WHAT WAS THAT FOR-”

But he stopped mid-sentence as a door opened right in front of them, revealing an interior...far bigger than he had imagined.

“What the fu-”

“COME ON!” And she took his hand once more, and dragged him inside.

Now, standing inside the hamster ball, he realized that the translucency of the exterior was merely a disguise, and that the inside was much more than anything he ever imagined. The door opened out on a wide glass pathway that led to a large square...control center? He assumed all the shiny buttons and levers were controls...and he itched to try each and every one of them out...

“Uncle. You’re spiraling off again.”

Oops, right. Details. The glass walkway formed a path all around the control center (which reminded him of something from Zordon’s pad in Power Rangers) and branched off into different tunnels leading off from the big main room. “Er...” He chewed on his bottom lip as he stared at the girl, who was now rushing around. “Yah!”

“DOCTOR!” She spun around, her expression a very frantic one. “Did you not understand me when I said the flipping planet is about to detonate?! Hurry and get us out of here!” She flipped a random lever and dashed to the opposite side of the control panel.

“Why do you keep calling me that?! I’m not a doctor!”

“Oh, Doctor! There you are!” A handsome young Korean man (they were all Korean, really...) trotted over to his side, his eyes wide with excitement. “Glad to see you two made it out of there in one piece. I know Cybermen can get rather...ah, what’s the word?”

“SEUNG RI-OPPA~”

“I wasn’t gonna make him Seung Ri-”

“IT’S SEUNG RI-OPPA!” The five year-old gave him the darkest glare that would have probably resembled the devil’s...

“Uh...yeah...it’s Seung Ri.”

“Yaaaaay~ Seung Ri-oppa~”

“Uh, Seung Ri...I think we have a problem...” the woman began.

“...like?”

“WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!”

Both the man and woman stared at Wooyoung like he was crazy. I mean, who wouldn’t, when their dear dork-faced leader had seemingly lost his memory.

“Uh...Min Young, what’s wrong with him?”

“I told you not to give him that many sleeping pills!”

“WELL, HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!”

“SEUNG RI, 15 SLEEPING PILLS IS PERILOUS FOR ANYONE! A-NY-ONE!”

“...Well, at least he’s not dead...hmph.”

“Oh yeah...now while the planet is about to explode outside, and we have no way of operating the DAMNIT, let’s all have a party! HOW ABOUT NO!” And the woman (who has now been identified as Min Young) took Wooyoung by the shoulders, making him face her. “DOCTOR!”

“I’m not a Doctor!”

“But...we need you!”

“I’ve never met you two in my life! How could you need me?”

“To operate the DAMNIT, DAMN IT!”

“What the hell is a DAMN-”

“This...space ship...timey-wimey...device thing we’re in...it’s called the DAMNIT. Dimensional Acceleration Modulating Network in Time.”

“...Time?”

“Yes, it travels through time and space...more so time than space, because it’s not much for flying.”

“Okay...why can’t you guys fly it?”

“...Because we don’t know how...”

“Then how the hell did you end up on a planet that’s about to explode?!”

“The Doctor brought us here.” The girl scowled at him.

“But...I didn’t bring you-”

“HA, SO YOU ADMIT YOU’RE THE DOCTOR!”

“NO I DIDN-”

“NOW FLY THIS THING, DAMN IT!”

“But...”

However, the two gave him much more worried looks now, Seung Ri eyeing the small window on the side.

“We have 5 minutes until detonation...please Doctor, we need your help.”

“But...I can’t...”

The two eyed him even more seriously, and that was when he knew that he couldn’t let them down.

“YAAAAY, WOOYOUNG’S GONNA BE A HERO~”

“Well not if you keep interrupting.”

“BUT YOU’RE SO SLOW!”

“FINE THEN, BED TIME, NOW!”

“NOOOO, I’M SOWWIE UNCLE SUZY!”

“SUZY?!”

“Yeah, I can call you that, right?”

“NO, BED TIME!”

“NO, IT’S STORY TIME! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!”

Wooyoung let out a sigh. “Fine...but if I crash, it’s Seung Ri’s fault.” Ignoring the sound of outrage that sprang from the other man, he started to press random buttons and pull on random levers. “Okay...so...this is slightly impossible. How much time now?”

“Four minutes,” came their reply.

“Yep. Impossible.”

Min Young poked him hard in the ribs. “Nothing is ever impossible for you! I mean, yeah, you say it’s impossible, and sometimes I really think you mean it, but you always get us out of sticky situations!” She paused. “Minus that one time...when you accidentally transported the entire race of Adipose into the DAMNIT...” She sent a glare over to Seung Ri. “Then someone had to go and squeeze their leader to death because he was SO FREAKING FLUFFY AND ADORABLE!”

Seung Ri flushed angrily. “Not my fault the little ba-”

“UNCLE.”

“-stupid thing wasn’t a marshmallow. They look like marshmallows. Marshmallows don’t explode when you squeeze them.”

Wooyoung gave him a very weirded-out look. “I...I don’t want to know...”

“Whatever, that’s in the past. Doctor!”

“YOU KEEP CALLING ME DOCTOR! WHAT DOCTOR?!”

“You! You’re the Doctor!”

“DOCTOR WHO?!”

“Exactly!” they both cried out.

His left eye twitched in frustration. “Fine, then. I’ll go along with this little game of yours. I’m the Doctor. Yes. That has been comprehended and stored away in my mind. What do I do?”

That seemed to surprise the two random weirdos. They exchanged glances and looked thoughtful afterwards. Finally, Seung Ri spoke up. “You...do...things. You travel through time and go to planets and make friends with the natives...or blow them up if they piss you off.”

“OMOOOOOOOOOOOO~”

“You will ignore the bad words from now on. Just don’t repeat them and we’re cool.”

“...hmmm...okay!”

“WOW. You’re actually agreeing with me. Tell me I’m the best uncle ever.”

“Don’t push your luck, bucko.”

“Do I get pissed off easily?” Wooyoung asked.

“No, it does take a lot to make you angry.” Min Young checked the countdown again. “Agh! Oh, no! We’ve been chatting for far too long! Doctor, have you gotten us up and running!”

“...Er...” Wooyoung looked down. He’d been mashing stuff and nothing had happen. “Just a sec...something’s gotta do something, right? Let’s try...this one!” He jammed his thumb into a round green button at eye-level...

...and a giant egg was launched out of a compartment right into Seung Ri’s face.

“OPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Sun Mi cried in anguish.

Junsu rolled his eyes. “It’s a freaking egg!”

She sniffled. “But his hair!”

“Thanks for that,” Seung Ri grumbled as he wiped the disgusting yolk off his face. “What was that, anyway?”

“Defense mechanism,” Min Young answered immediately. “I was here when he first installed it. I guess he said that anyone who intrudes the DAMNIT and manages to get through all the other security measures deserves to be hit in the face with something that came out of a hen’s .”

Wooyoung and Seung Ri both muttered under their breath. While the latter continued to wipe his face, the other fumbled with the controls. He looked up at the countdown: one minute to go. “FUDGE POPSICLES!” he yelled, and randomly punched a few buttons below.

Whistles sounded and the entire DAMNIT shook violently. “Doctor!” Min Young shouted as she plopped down right onto her . “That...was...do you not remember how to fly this?!”

“THAT IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO COMMUNICATE TO YOU MORONS FOR THE LAST TEN MINUTES!”

“You...you...stupid space man!” she shrieked, getting right back up and marching over to him. The countdown showed thirty seconds to go. “You incompetent lunatic! Idiot! How do you even call yourself a Time Lord?! You’ve done nothing but bash random buttons and pull random levers and you still can’t get us off the ground?! By God, you’ve gotten us out of much more dangerous situations!”

“...WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE MORE DANGEROUS THAN A PLANET EXPLODING?!?!”

Seung Ri removed the cloth from his yolk-free face. “Well...there was that one time...with the second Big Bang...”

“SEUNG RI!”

“RIGHT, DOCTOR, HURRY UP!”

“I’M TRYING!”

“10 seconds until detonation,”a mechanical voice stated.

“DOCTOR!”

“9.”

“DO SOMETHING!”

“...8.”

“I’M TRYING!” He began pushing more buttons, and the DAMNIT began to rumble even more.

“7.”

“DOCTOR!”

“6.”

“I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING!”

“5.”

“JUST...DOCTOR!”

“4.”

“SOME HELP YOU ARE, SHORTY!”

“3.”

“OH HELL TO THE NO YOU DIDN’T, FOR THE SECOND TIME!” And she marched over to him, taking his head once more.

“2.”

“WHA-”

And she slammed his head into a big blue-glowing panel beside all the levers.

“DNA confirmed.”

“OW! DAMN IT!”

“Password confirmed. DAMNIT evacuation sequence commencing.”

“1-”

The timer didn’t finish for the DAMNIT had already begun to rumble, though through all the other random noises that were heard, the absence of a huge explosion outside was definitely there...

“TIME FOR BED!”

“NOOOO!”

“You can’t stay up too late! If your sleep schedule is all outta whack, your mom will kill me!”

“UNCLE, I’LL KILL YOU FIRST IF YOU DON’T FINISH THIS STORY!”

If it were any other little girl, he’d have let out a great big laugh and sent them off to bed...but this was his niece. She took after her mom, her aunt, and her aunt’s friend combined. He did not doubt that she would do what she threatened to do. “...aish. Fine. A bit more.”

Once things had calmed down, and everything seemed to be perfectly stable...

SLAP.

“Oh...oh you did NOT just touch my face. You...did not...just TOUCH...my FACE.”

Min Young gave him her best death glare. “Oh. Oh, I did. And you know what? It felt awesome.”

“Oh, so not only are you a weird space-traveling, mutant, loud, short freak...but you also get by hitting other people!”

Seung Ri stepped between them before any other remarks could be made. “Come on, you two. You’re a couple, for crying out loud. People love to see the Doctor and his companion so in love as you two are. Quit your stupid fighting and get us to somewhere safe.” He looked at Wooyoung. “Doctor, you think you can get the DAMNIT somewhere...you know...not about to explode?”

“Yeah, sure.” He eyed a pair of yellow levers that he had not touched. “I bet those will do it.”

Min Young recognized them and gasped. “Wait-”

Before anyone could stop him, Wooyoung reached for them and pulled. Suddenly, the DAMNIT shook again, this time a lot more violently, and then a horrible screeching noise filled the air.

“WHAT. DID. YOU. DO?!” both Seung Ri and Min Young demanded as they covered their ears.

...apparently, the noise did not affect Wooyoung, for he was still messing with the levers. “Yah, are these defective or something?” He moved them again.

The machine rattled itself again. “Doctor!”

“This stupid control panel can’t do diddly squat!”

“Doctor!”

“I mean, why put these tasteful banana-colored levers right smack in the middle of everything, and they’re completely useless?”

“Doctor!”

“What else is there to push and pull? I like pulling things! Wait, that came out extremely wrong. I like to mess with stuff that has the potential to kill us all. That is the most excellent way to drive our adrenaline way, way up and-”

“DOCTOR!!!!!!!!!!”

He turned around indignantly. “WHAT?!”

They both squatted on the floor, panting. Neither of them had their ears covered, though. “Please...stop messing with that,” Min Young said breathlessly.

Wooyoung let out an exasperated sigh. “Do you not like yellow or something? God forbid if everything isn’t in pink...”

“First off, I hate pink.” She struggled to stand up, whereas Seung Ri just remained sitting on the floor. He rather liked it down there...the glass was always warm...and in the cool reaches of space...warmth was always sought. “Second off, that lever...I still don’t know why you installed it. You can’t even hear the noise...must be some Time Lord thing...”

“Whatever, you keep being weird, and I’ll get us out of here. Hmmm...” He looked around. “Hey. Shiny clear button that I haven’t pushed. Prepare to be deized.”

Sun Mi cleared . “Uncle, it is impolite to use big words around a five year old.”

Junsu stared at her for a long minute. “Do you want to tell this story?”

“YES!”

“Well...you can’t...so deal with it.” He stuck his tongue out at her, and she imitated the action. “Anyway...”

He hit the button with his palm and waited for something to happen. Nothing did.

“Oh, nice job there, Doctor. Really. You’re doing awesome. Just keep pressing stuff and something will eventually happen. Maybe I’ll get a magical unicorn, or Seung Ri will get an egg to the face again.”

“That egg could have been used for breakfast...what a waste,” Seung Ri lamented...still on the floor.

Wooyoung had to shut his eyes to keep from hitting the pretty girl. “Look here, you midget. You’re not much help. You stand there and insult me about my incompetence and how I can’t do anything, but what are you doing? up very breathable air! Shut up and help me!”

“FINE. FINE.” She reached up towards his face, but he caught her hands.

“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice-”

“Which I did.”

“Shame on me, but you should feel ashamed still.” He leaned forward until their eyes were level. “Now get your cute little over to the control center and bash things in. Otherwise, we are going to have a very...big...problem,” he ended dramatically in a low voice.

Her eyes widened and a red blush appeared on her cheeks. “F-fine,” she stammered and stumbled over to the main controls.

Suddenly, Seung Ri fistpumped into the air. “DUH! Why didn’t we figure this out earlier?” He leaped up and rushed over to Wooyoung, who took two steps back in fear. “No, stay still.” And then he started to remove Woo’s jacket.

“NOW WAIT JUST A MOMENT, YOU MOLESTING-”

“Aha!” He reached inside the jacket and pulled out a cylindrical device that resembled a cool space pen.

“...wait...wait a minute...Uncle Su...”

“What now?”

“...this sounds...an awful lot...like Do-”

“SHHHHH. NO IT DOESN’T.”

“I’M NOT STUPID, UNCLE SU!”

“You’ve been going along with the story for all this tim-”

“I’M HUNGRY!” she bellowed into his face. He leaned back and cringed. “Take that, you BBC-watching weirdo. Feed me before I report you to CPS.”

“The electrical company?”

“Child Protective Services...”

“Oh. Right. No. That no is a no to feed...ing...oh, fine. If it’ll shut you up, I’ll feed you.”

“I want ma-”

“YOU’RE GETTING CEREAL AND DON’T EVEN ARGUE WITH ME!”

She smiled brilliantly.

[five minutes later]

A steaming bowl of microwaved mac and cheese sat in front of her, and she attacked it greedily with a giant spoon. “Keep going,” she said as she shoveled the cheesy goodness into .

As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by a misbehaving child, Seung Ri waved the pen in front of Wooyoung’s face. “How could we forget about the handy-dandy sonic screwdriver? It can pretty much do just about anything!”

“Oh, duh!” Min Young smacked herself in the face. “How did we forget about that?”

“Do that again, one more time,” Woo snapped at her. “And then bash your head into something hard and solid, because THAT’S WHAT YOU DID TO ME, YOU SHORT-”

“Call me short one more time. I dare you.”

“Oh, right. What are you going to do, bite my ankles, midget?”

“Hey, now...guys...sonic screwdriver...” Seung Ri waved it half-heartedly. “We have...a solution?”

Min Young stepped up to Wooyoung again and poked him hard in the chest. “Doctor, ever since the planet began to detonate, you’ve been copping quite the attitude with me. I don’t like it. You’re being stupid and inconsiderate towards your companions. I mean, we’re your friends, and all you’ve been doing-”

“Woman, for the last time, I DON’T KNOW YOU. That is why I’m being like this, because it’s like some random strangers are telling me what to do and bashing my head into things and sticking me in a giant freaking hamster ball which doesn’t exist...well they do, but not in Korea...and then-”

“EXTERMINATE.”

That had Seung Ri and Min Young freezing, whereas Wooyoung looked around in confusion. “What the...? What was that? Did you guys hear that? Or was it me finally going crazy? This whole scenario is crazy. I’m in a hamster ball, for crying out loud, and-”

“EXTERMINATE. EXTERMINATE.”

“It sounds like TOP trying to sing.”

“Uncle, you did not just insult the TOP Master.”

“The...the...what?”

“He is the Master. He is the all-knowing one. He is my pudding deity, Uncle.”

“...TOP is pudding?”

“Nooooooooooo~ TOP is gangstalicious!”

“You did not just use that word-”

“And I so knew you were ripping off Doctor Who!”

“YOU SHUT MOUF. YOU SHUT MOUF RIGHT NOW.”

“BUT YOU ARE, SUZY! YOU...YOU...E!”

“WHAT?!?!?!?!?!”

“You copied the English people! YOU PEDO!”

“DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?!”

“No, but my mama uses it all the time on our next-door neighbor, and I know that he copies people whenever they talk to annoy them. That’s a e.”

He stared at her. “Yeah. Sure. That’s what a e is.”

“And you’re a e.”

“I AM NOT A E! WHY IS EVERYONE ACCUSING ME OF IA TODAY?!”

“Omooooooooooo~ who else did you copy, Uncle? Hmmm?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fine. I copied Doctor Who. But this isn’t Doctor Who. This is...this is...THIS...IS...” He paused to think of something clever.

No need. His niece answered for him. “Doctor Woo!”