Faith 1.0
Taking a Leap of Faith
"Jongdae, are you sure about this thing? Why are you making things difficult for yourself? Kris… He will never be able to love you like the way you want him to. He's already taken. As you can see, they are so in love with one other. Stop making yourself miserable. You'll end up getting hurt and Kris will never be able to help you with that." Minseok says with a concern look on his face. "I don't want to see you getting hurt because of your unrequited love for Kris." He added. Minseok and Jongdae had been best friends ever since they've entered college. They are inseparable. They are working in the same company and they are currently taking their masters degree at the same school again.
"Minseok, don't worry about me. I'm fine. I just wanted to try my luck and I don't want to waste chances. Kris might find me interesting soon and probably, Kris and Joonmyun will break-up if I don't stop my advances for him." Jongdae says as he takes a big bite of his ham and cheese sandwich. "Damn. I really love this sandwich a lot. I swear this is the best ham and cheese sandwich I ever eaten in my life." He added as he continues to take a bite of his sandwich. They are currently taking a break before their next subject comes.
Minseok sighs. It's not like he can do something about his best friend's plans. He's just afraid that Jongdae will get hurt badly. "Jongdae, I'm very concern with your feelings, with you to be exact and I believe that I never failed to remind you that what you're doing can cause you severe damage in your heart." He says.
"I know from the very start that I'm just going to hurt myself in the end. Of course, I'm not blind that Kris and Joonmyun are so in love with each other and that they are hard to break. But look, I know my limits. I know when to stop. I just need to try and do whatever I can to pursue Kris." Jongdae says. "Getting hurt is already included in the package of unrequited love and at least I'm not going to be bitter about it because I'm already prepared for all the consequences I might encounter in the future." He added.
"Fine, if that's what you're saying but I'll never stop reminding you. Take it or leave it, Jongdae" Minseok says. "Anyhow, we need to finish our research papers for our Database Management subject. Deadline is due on Friday and I don't want to cram over this thing. I wanted to pass the research papers by Thursday because I'm having a date with Luhan on Friday. I promised to him that I'll be with him the whole day." Jongdae winces on his best friend. Minseok and Luhan had been in a relationship for almost six years and they are going stronger. Of course, he couldn't deny the fact that he's jealous because he wishes that instead of Joonmyun, it should be him who's in a relationship with Kris. He sighs and gets his laptop from his bag.
"Then let's finish out research papers already and send it on Thursday. As much as I wanted to slack off but I couldn't help but feel guilty if you'll not be able to spend your whole Friday with your boyfriend." He raises his eyebrows as he puts emphasis on the word boyfriend and rolls his eyes on his best friend. Minseok laughs at him and slaps his head. "You're such a jealous . Let's do our papers already." Minseok says.
While working on his research papers, Jongdae decides to send a text message for Kris. "Hello, Kris. How are you doing? I hope you're doing great. I'm currently finishing my research papers for our Database Management and my head hurts and I cannot squeeze any words anymore." He clicks send and he sheepishly smiles when his phone vibrates and Kris' name pops up on his mobile screen. "Hey. I'm good. I'm with Joonmyun right now and currently on our way to the cafeteria to grab our lunch. Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you'll do great on your research papers." Jongdae frowns at Kris' reply. He doesn't really have to say that he's with Joonmyun and that they are on their way to cafeteria which means he'll be able to see the two love birds.
Jongdae sees the couple and they are laughing at each other and holding their hands. When Kris saw Jongdae, he waves at him. Joonmyun smiles at Jongdae. He smiles back at them and went back working on his research papers. He's frowning and his expression looks so hurt. Minseok couldn't help it but feel sorry for his best friend. "This is why I told you to stop your feelings for him already. You look like you're going to cry soon. Idiot." Minseok says.
"As if I can do something about it. I love him so much, Minseok."
They didn't notice that Kris and Joonmyun went towards to their sit with their food trays. "Hi. Looks like you two are so busy with that huh? Do you mind if we sit here? We couldn't find any available seats instead of this one." Kris asks. Minseok looks at Jongdae for a bit and looks back at the couple. "Of course, you can." Minseok smiles at them. Kris takes the chair beside Minseok and Joonmyun besides Jongdae.
"What are you working right now, Jongdae? If you don't mind me asking." Joonmyun asks Jongdae. His voice is so soothing like you are talking with an angel. "It's my research paper for our Database Management subject. I and Minseok are currently finishing it because we intend to pass it by Thursday." He says. He doesn't look at anyone right now and just sticks his eyes on his laptop while typing.
"I see. Looks complicated. I took that last semester and gladly. I was able to pass it. Who's your professor on that subject? Is it Mr. Zhang?" Joonmyun asks again and Jongdae nods. "Oh. That's good. He's really good with that subject and he actually a great help for graduate students like us." Joonmyun says as he smiles.
"Yes. Indeed, he's a great help."
Joonmyun went back into his food and starts eating. Both of them are chatting happily. The sight of the happily couple makes him feel like he's being suffocated. His heart is aching with pain. Jongdae couldn't help but listen to their conversation. "So I was telling you earlier, Chanyeol got tripped upon entering the room. Everyone was so quiet then when he gets up everyone starts laughing. I feel bad for that kid. But he was smiling like didn't give a damn. I'm quite amused." Joonmyun says. Kris is looking at Joonmyun like he's the only person that exists in his eyes. "He's not a graduate student like us and he's good at rapping and he loves music too. I think you'll be good friends with him." Joonmyun added and Kris nods. "Well then, you should introduce that Chanyeol to me. I just wanted to make sure he'll never try to make a move on you." Kris says and Joonmyun snorts. "Idiot. He's not going to make a move on me because he's in a relationship with Baekhyun." Joonmyun says as he pinches Kris' cheek. "Jealous giant."
Jongdae is hurt by the sight of Kris and Joonmyun's sweetness. He thinks that it should be him in Joonmyun's place. It should be him pinching Kris' cheeks. It should be him who's holding Kris' hands. It should be him who's in a relationship with Kris and not Joonmyun. Minseok cannot stand the look at Jongdae's face. "Jongdae, want to go already? We can just do our research papers inside the room." He offers. "Plus our break time will be over soon."
Jongdae looks at his best friend and smiles faintly at him and nods. He starts tidying up his things and places his laptop on his bag. "Well guys. Me and Jongdae have to go back now to our next class." Minseok says.
"Oh. No worries. Good luck on your research papers." Kris says and smiles at Jongdae.
"Yes, of course. Thanks." Jongdae says and smiles back at Kris. As they get out of the cafeteria, he can feel that his tears will fall out soon. He sighs heavily as he tries to fan himself so that he'll not cry. Minseok is patting his best friend's back and they are on their way to their next subject.
"Did you see Jongdae's expression? He looks like he's in pain. I feel bad for him." Joonmyun says as he looks at his boyfriend. "I don't think he's really smiling at us."
"That's what he get from making a move on someone's who is already taken. He says that he's fine with and I don't care about his feelings for me, you're the only one I care about and I love you so much, Joonmyun."
"You know, I really don't mind him making advances on you. I trust you enough. I believe in your words and actions but I just really feel so bad for him because he's hurting himself. It's not a pleasant sight." Joonmyun says.
"He decided to do it this way. He made a choice to get hurt and I he doesn't have the right blame me just because I'm entertaining his flirtatious actions. I'm willing to play with his feelings until he realize that I'll never return any feelings for him. In the first place, I told him that you're the only one I love and that will never change even if he kills himself." Kris says firmly.
Joonmyun sighs and shrugs. "I really feel bad for him. I hope he gets over with you already."
◘ ◘ ◘ ◘ ◘
It's Friday and Jongdae's all alone. Minseok and Luhan are on a date right now. They were able to pass their research papers even before Thursday so he has a lot of time in his hands right now. He's currently alone at the rooftop and it's already five in the afternoon. It's a good thing that he brought his iPod with him. The current track playing on his playlist right now is Really I Didn't Know. He laughs at himself sarcastically. "Of all the songs that should be playing right now, why this one?" He couldn't help it but sing along with it and closes his eyes as he hums through the beat and lyrics of the song.
The man I loved so dearly, has deserted me
And I am now weeping, holding with my wretched heart
The man I trusted with his love, has left me indeed
Honest God, I really didn't know that he would leave me
Really, I didn't know
The sound of someone whistling I hear
Perhaps could it be he?
Would he be back?
I am finding myself wretchedly waiting for him
He sighs and as he opens his eyes, Kris was beside him. He's surprise by the sudden appearance of the man he loves and he gasps. "K-Kris? W-what are you doing here?" He asks. Kris smiles at him.
"Joonmyun is absent today. He's on a business leave today so I'm all alone right now. How about you? What are you doing here alone by yourself?"
"I'm just trying to kill some time before I go home. Minseok is currently enjoying the whole day with his boyfriend, so he's not with me right now. This place is like my sanctuary when I'm all by myself." He says. "But I'm going home in a bit. I just need to gather my thoughts." He says.
"Thoughts about loving me?" Kris asks and smiles at Jongdae.
Jongdae furrows his eyebrows and smiles faintly at him. "How did you know?" He stares at his feet while waiting for Kris' answer. "Isn't obvious? You love me so you are thinking about me." Kris says.
"Yeah, right."
"Any thoughts about giving up on loving me?" Kris asks.
Jongdae laughs but it sounds so painful. "Believe me or not, I'm always thinking about giving up on loving you. But it seems that I'm so masochistic that I don't mind getting hurt. I mean, of course I know that you love Joonmyun so much. I can see that. I'm not delusional. It's just that, it makes me happy a bit that you're actually okay with my advances but I know that you're doing that because you pity me. I'm not going to blame you for my misery. That's something I will never do because I choose this path."
Kris cups Jongdae's face. There are tears forming in his eyes. He suddenly pins Jongdae in the corner and kisses him hard. He was surprised by Kris' action and he's contemplating with himself if he should stop Kris or not. "No. Stop it Kris. Stop doing this to me." He says. Kris is still kissing Jongdae and their tongues are battling for dominance. Jongdae's knees feel so weak. He didn't imagine that this day will happen. Kris stops kissing Jongdae.
"This is going to be our own little secret. Think of it as a payment for loving me so much. But I'll tell you this, I love Joonmyun and you'll never be able to replace him in my heart." He says as he exits at the rooftop leaving Jongdae with heavy feelings and tears.
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