It's not good to dwell on bad memories, but to focus on the good. One must look back at one's memories to fix ones future, but we also discover that if we dwell to long on the bad, we forget the good. The same can be said for the good memories as well. Focus to much on those and the truth behind the bad can make us feel guilty. For example, focusing on the happy times can make you blind to the bad times that have taken over. You forget the pain you now have, masking it from yourself when it is still visible to others. Our scars shine brighter the harder we try to hide them. For days I sat in silence moving on autopilot. I wanted to hide away, but I couldn't help that I did still love the man. Maybe it was the fact that we grew up together, that we were indeed closer than others around us. My mind circled around him, remembered him and his odd ways. This was the final step after the dreaded first step, the act of dealing with your choice.

The lens of glasses reflect what the eyes see, what the mind wishes to forget, and what the heart yearns to remember. A mirror works the same way, and when both work together, your hell intensifies. It is that hell, that I live in now. That hell that holds his voice and his image. I was hopelessly in love with the man. I had been dragged to a party made up of all our old friends, Heechul had told me it would help to remind me of the greater past before the man who I claimed to love.

“Ryeowook, is that you?” a voice asked drawing my attention. I turn to see Sungmin my old lover, his new lover smiling at his side with a small smile. I force a smile back, nodding my head in greeting.

“Wow, it’s been awhile you look great.” Sungmin said happily as he looked over at his lover.

“This is Kyuhyun, Kyuhyun say hi to Ryeowook, we dated in high school.” Sungmin said as I try and press myself against the wall and hide.

“Hi,” the man greeted.

“Hi, Sungmin hyung was a good friend when we were younger.” I tell him hoping they would leave me alone. Sungmin continued to talk before Kyuhyun suddenly asked who the person walking towards us was. I look over, my mouth going dry as I see my husband walking forward.

“Ah, that’s the man who claimed our young friend here.” Sungmin smiled waving the man closer. I was unsure what was about to happen. Would he be happy to see me, or would he cause a scene and leave me here in embarrassment and loneliness?

“Hello Sungmin, nice to see you again. How have you been, keeping my lover company?” my husband asked as he placed an arm around my shoulders.

“It’s been good, I was just going to ask where you were.” Sungmin replied.

“Oh, this is Kyuhyun my lover.” the aygeo man explained. Kyuhyun bowed before I hear my lover chuckle.

“Good luck Kyuhyun shii, our Sungmin is a handful, not to mention expensive.” his words were so smooth, but they filled me with fear. Was he angry, was he upset? I couldn’t tell, and that was the worst feeling.

“Anyway Kyu, this is,” but before Sungmin could say my lover’s name, Heechul came forward grabbing my lover’s arm and excusing the three of us from them. I followed after both Heechul and my lover in silence. Our red rose turned black with uncertainty. His eyes were guarded, his actions distant yet close. What were we?

“You both are to decide what to do, take this time to talk it out, and discuss your options.” Heechul ordered as he closed us into a small study. It was silence at first, only our breathing keeping us company. It was not until he cleared his throat, that I looked up ready for a harsh mental and physical exhausting fight.

“Did you enjoy your freedom?” he asked, the tone of his voice proving how right I was that he would be angry. I chose to remain silent, fear taking over as my usual submissive nature takes over. The ringing slap that echoed through the room, or how I ended up crumbled on the floor was not expected.

“Never leave my side again, or you will pay.” my lover whispered taking my upper arm harshly. I nod as tears fill my eyes.

“Get up, enjoy the party tonight because starting tomorrow, you're freedom is gone.” he snapped at me making me nod my head and stand up cleaning my face and preparing to leave the room. Suddenly, he cupped my face in his hands, his eyes still hard but his voice soft.

“I love you, love you enough to kill you.

Do you want me to kill you? You love me, don’t you Kim Ryeowook?” my lover hissed.

“Answer me.” he ordered making me whimper.

“Yes Yesung.” I whisper as he released my arm.