C h a p t e r  5

Where was he?

Where could he be?

Eunhyuk was running down the streets, head tossing from side to side and wide eyes scanning every inch of his surroundings in favor of looking for Donghae. The thin jacket he wore was already soaked with rain and pulled heavily on his shoulders just like all the other clothes on his body did. It had been more than an hour ago that he had left the dorm and by now he had already been to all the places he could think of and that Donghae could have reached in that time.

Donghae had said that it wouldn’t take long. But one hour was a long time and he wasn’t back home yet – Leeteuk would have called him if he would be. Had something happened to him? Had he gone lost? Eunhyuk knew that the other was confused and that he hadn't left the new dorm alone yet. Maybe he was wandering around and didn’t know the way back home; maybe he was looking for him and needed help.

While running, Eunhyuk pulled out his phone and called Donghae for the nth time that night. His eyes were still scanning his surroundings while it was beeping loudly in his ear, but no one picked up, again. As the mechanical voice of a woman started talking in a monotonous tone he ended the call with a groan and put the device back into his pocket.

Maybe Donghae had left his phone at the dorms. Maybe it was just lying there and annoyed the other members to death without him even knowing that he was searching for him. But Donghae never forgot his phone.        
On the other hand… Hadn’t a lot of things happened during the past couple of days that he would've never thought Donghae would do?

A young couple passed by and Eunhyuk pulled his hood deeper into his face. He was lucky that most people were still sleeping at this early hour and that thanks to that fact the chances of being recognized were really small. It would've been really bad if he found Donghae – and he hoped to do so soon – and took a walk with him through Seoul at daytime when everybody could see them. He had forgotten how to feel safe and he wouldn’t be surprised if suddenly there would be a paparazzo or fan jumping out of the shrubs to take a picture of him even now.

Maybe that was a reason for Donghae's panic.

Two years ago it had already been difficult; when they had left the house there had always been people, they had been under permanent observation. But now they were standing in the public eye even more, now every touch and every small glance was suspicious. Hiding a relationship like they had it – it had been difficult before, now it was impossible.

Of course was Eunhyuk scared as well. He didn’t want anything about them to be discovered and that with that knowledge he and Donghae would be reduced to the love they shared. Then they wouldn’t be members of a band anymore but two men that loved each other – everything else would be forgotten and ignored. S.M. would have to forfeit some of its reputation for hiding them for so long and it was possible that Super Junior would be permanently present in the gossip magazines as the band with the two 'gays'. Maybe even their fans would abandon them; not all of them but some. They would have to stand insults and they wouldn’t be invited to TV shows anymore because the media would most likely back away. It could be the end of Super Junior if it was discovered.

But then again, didn’t they already know? Probably deep inside; everybody was just waiting for the final big bang that made it official. Hell would break loose then. It was that moment that scared S.M. and it was the reason for separating them the best they could. They were afraid for their reputation – he and Donghae were afraid of the destruction of their existence as idols, celebrities and human beings.

However, they couldn’t hide forever. They had managed to do so for far too long; it was only a matter of time until something like the kiss happened again. So what kind of opportunities did they have? Should they enjoy what they cherished the most until somebody dropped the bombshell and they had to back out as the reason for Super Junior's end? Or should they end it right now for the good of all, except for themselves?

Eunhyuk didn’t want to end it, he didn’t want to let Donghae go. He loved him; his personality, his characteristics, simply everything. He loved him as his best friend and also as his boyfriend, but most of all he loved him more than he had ever loved someone. Thinking of it, he couldn’t remember falling for somebody that hard and he couldn’t imagine to ever fall like this again. Eunhyuk was willing to give up everything for him, even his dream of having a family. The longer he thought about it, the more he was willing to sacrifice. Super Junior or Donghae – in the back of his head he already knew the answer.

But was it selfish to think that way?

Eunhyuk paused for breath under the roof of a small shop and pulled out his phone once again. After dialing Donghae's number, he listened to the depressing beeping and already thought about giving up as he suddenly heard rustling at his ear.

"Donghae?" he asked carefully. Who knew, maybe one of the other members had gotten sick of the ringing and had decided to end it. Childish giggles could be heard next however – and Eunhyuk's heart started racing.

["Hyukkie"], he heard Donghae's voice through the phone. The relief to finally be able to talk with him was completely swallowed up by the joy that sounded in it. Why was he…?

"Where are you?" Eunhyuk quickly asked. The other chuckled; he could hear the rushing of the wind in the background.

["Why, do you miss me?"]

"Donghae, that's not funny. Tell me where you are."

["But it is, Hyukkie. In fact, it's really funny."]

Donghae laughed and Eunhyuk turned around, his eyes scanning the surroundings. Was he here, could he see him?

"Please, Donghae. Tell me where you are, I come around", he begged panting and heard the younger giggle like a kid.

["So you do miss me?"] Donghae asked and the rushing sounded again. Eunhyuk bit his lip and tried to suppress the despair that crept up inside of him.

"Yes", he eventually said and hoped to get a serious answer this time. "I miss you, so please tell me where I can find you."

There was a brief moment of silence between them and Eunhyuk almost thought that the other had disconnected the call as Donghae decided to speak again. ["Aww, Hyukkie… I'm home."]

"You're with Jungsoo-hyung and the others?" Eunhyuk asked filled with hope and was about to turn around to head for the dorms when Donghae's voice stopped him.

["No, I'm home."]

The line went dead before Eunhyuk could ask any further questions. He stared at his phone and cursed under his breath as he noticed that the battery was too low and the call had been disconnected.

Donghae was home? What was that supposed to mean? Their home was the dorm and Donghae had said that he wasn’t there. Did he mean Mokpo? Impossible, it took more than an hour to get there. Eunhyuk remembered the rustling he had heard in the background and assumed that Donghae was outside. But was there a place outside that the other called home? Eunhyuk thought of all possible opportunities until it finally clicked.

The old dorms.

He put his phone back into his pocket and started running as fast as he could over the rainy streets. It took him more than long enough until he came to a stumbling stop in front of the huge building's entrance, heart racing and gaze swiftly flying around. Although it was slowly getting brighter, he couldn’t see anybody that looked familiar to Donghae, besides that it wasn't windy enough for the rustling he had heard. But the younger had to be here, he couldn’t think of another place he could've meant.

Eunhyuk took a step back and looked up the high building.            
His insides clenched painfully as a thought crossed his mind. Was he…?

Without finishing his thought, Eunhyuk bolted over to the entrance and let both of his hands slide down the many door bells; somebody had to be up already.