C h a p t e r  13

Donghae looked out of the window, his gaze travelling over white clouds to the tiny looking cities under them and finally to the ocean that sparkled in the sunlight.   
They had boarded the plane half an hour ago but his heart was still beating like crazy when he thought about all the fans that had waited at the airport. It had been so loud; the screaming of the girls, the yells of the security and the constant shouts of their names. There had been so many cameras that had filmed every single of their movements from the moment they had left the van – even now there were cameras directed at him; the two girls sitting not far away did their best to hide their phones but he could still see them from the corner of his eye. His head started aching as he remembered all the flashlights and it got even worse as he thought about their arrival and the actual concert. Just one wrong move, just one glance in the wrong direction – it would immediately be online. He almost didn’t dare to say a single word and couldn’t remember that he had once been used to all of this. Right now he didn’t like it. He didn’t like it at all.

"Siwon, get up."

The tall man sitting beside him looked up to see Heechul standing next to him, his arms crossed.

"Why? Don’t you have your own seat?"

"Of course I have, stupid. But I want to sit here."

"But why?" Siwon whined. "I'm in the middle of watching this movie-"

"You don’t even have your headphones plugged in."

"… I'm watching it to improve my lip-reading."

"Aish, get up and go sit beside Jungsoo. He's snoring like crazy over there and I don’t want his drool on my shirt."

"But hyung-"

"Get up and let an old man sit!"

Siwon pouted but listened to him anyway, making the way free for Heechul to flop down beside Donghae; he started to pat the younger's thigh to get his attention. Donghae turned his head to him, humming silently.

"Seriously, you look like someone died", Heechul said and pinched his cheek. "Get a smile on this face, we're on vacation."

"You still have to work!" Junghoon yelled from somewhere but they both ignored him.

"I'm just very nervous", Donghae said under his breath.

"Don’t tell me that you're afraid of the fan's reaction", Heechul said and laughed as he saw the other's insecure gaze. "Donghae, they love you and the anchovy boy! Didn’t you hear their chants of your couple name earlier? They support you and trust me: ELF would be the last ones to judge you for what you feel."

The brunet sighed. "I don’t know. I just… I'm afraid they-"

"There's no need to be afraid."

"What if they knew the truth?" Donghae asked. "All of it, I mean. Would they still be like that? Would they still support us and… me?"

"I'm sure they would. Who told you otherwise?"

Donghae swallowed and averted his eyes. "No one did."

Heechul kept watching him for a moment, his face getting serious. "Do you want me to stay close to you when we leave the plane?" he asked.

Donghae nodded slowly. "Yes, please."

Heechul patted his shoulder with a smirk. "Don’t worry. All they want to do is to take some pictures, maybe give you some presents and be close to you. They won't hurt you and they don’t intent to do anything bad. They are our fans after all, not people you should be afraid of."

Donghae nodded again with a soft "Yeah" and finally smiled a bit as Heechul pinched his cheek again.

And Heechul kept his promise. He didn’t leave Donghae's side for a single second as they left the plane and the airport shortly after that. They were greeted by fans again but as soon as they came too near to them, Heechul wrapped one arm around Donghae's shoulders to pull him closer and tried to protect him from the hands that tried to touch him. The brunet hid his eyes behind big sunglasses and tried to act calm but he wasn’t successful with that. He still looked like a picture of misery in Heechul's hold and every flashlight made him feel a bit more nauseous.

It was just too much. Too many people, too much noise and they all were way too close to him. He felt like he was surrounded, like there was no way out – and he hated these feelings. He had learned to hate them.

Donghae's insecurity didn’t vanish as they made it to the bus waiting for them; while the other members waved to the fans he tried to hide the best he could, sank down in his seat and kept his head hanging low. The good words of the others and the short glances Eunhyuk sent him didn’t help either. He couldn’t cherish what was happening around him because he was torn. Even though he didn’t like to be encircled by fans yet, they still meant a lot to him. He owed them so much, they had made him and the others what they were now and they didn’t deserve to be treated like that. So what would happen if he'd lose their love? What if they rejected him because he couldn’t express his feelings right? The love of the fans that seemed to crush him right now – he was useless without it. He needed their support; it was like a lifeline to him.

"Okay", Junghoon said after they had arrived at the hotel and gave them their room keys. "Bring your stuff to your rooms, change your clothes if you want to and come back to the lobby. Let's meet in then minutes; we have to go to the rehearsal then."

With low murmurs the members made their way to the lift and greeted some fans who were waiting for them. As soon as the doors of the first lift closed, Eunhyuk changed his room card with Leeteuk's and put it in his pocket; all without needing a single word. He entered his room together with Kyuhyun who only stayed until Donghae arrived and then went to the room next door.

"Remember how thin the walls are", the youngest muttered which caused Eunhyuk to push him out of the room to make him leave faster and tightly shut the door behind him. As soon as they were finally alone, Eunhyuk heaved a sigh and pulled Donghae in a hug to kiss his temple.

"Are you okay?" he asked lowly. The brunet nodded without looking in the other's eyes.

"Yeah", he mumbled with a soft smile on his lips. "Now I'm fine."

Eunhyuk smiled at him and leaned forward to kiss him but was interrupted by the knocking on the door. Donghae immediately let go of him and went to the bathroom to hide as soon as the words 'room service' were heard. Waiting until the bathroom door was shut, Eunhyuk opened the room door and spotted the gentle smile of a young chambermaid who held a bouquet of flowers in her hands.

"I'm very sorry to disturb you, sir. While we were preparing your room we forgot this little greeting. If you don’t object, I would leave it here."

"Sure, come in", Eunhyuk said and stepped to the side to let her enter the room. The maid thanked him and placed the vase full of flowers on a small table in one corner of the room, turned it slightly until she thought I stood right and left with a short bow and a smile on her face. Donghae waited until she was gone before he left the bathroom; he was immediately pulled into Eunhyuk's arms again.

"What did she want?" he asked with the silent voice of his, his arms wrapped around the other's neck.

"She just brought flowers", Eunhyuk said and came closer to him. "Let's continue where we stopped."

Donghae smiled at him genuinely for the first time that day and closed his eyes. Their lips met for a slow and tender kiss that ended abruptly as somebody knocked against the door again, making Eunhyuk roll his eyes.

"Hurry up, you two!" Kyuhyun yelled and Eunhyuk let go of Donghae with a sigh.

"I think we should go", he muttered.

***

"Ten minutes!"

Eunhyuk had his eyes closed and was inwardly going through all the dance steps he had to do in a couple of minutes. A coordi-noona was putting make-up on his face and another one was styling his hair – it was all just like he remembered it to be but there was this nervousness deep inside of him; he didn’t even know the exact reason why he was nervous to begin with. He tried to tell himself that it was because this was his first appearance after this whole scandal and he wasn’t used to all of this like the other members were. But they had practiced this all over again and he was sure that he wouldn’t do any mistakes. It wasn’t like he was afraid of the fan's reaction either; he had seen them at the airport and everywhere, they were glad that they were back and there hadn't been a single bad word from them. No, that wasn’t it.

The longer he t