I regretted everything in my life. I regretted how I lived, I regretted not studying much, I regretted I didn’t do my best when I need to, I regretted I didn’t take responsibility when I must, I regretted that I didn’t love myself much, I regretted that I’m living this kind of life, full of pain,  which I hate so much!

I regretted all that I have done, but there’s this one thing I haven’t regretted at all, being able to meet this one person that I treasured the most, not knowing how much I loved her all throughout my life. Never did I thought of regretting it.

I hate myself for being such a fool, why did I confessed to her anyway, I shouldn’t have done that, knowing that confessing to her will end our friendship. Why does the person I love have to be my best friend? I never knew how love was this important, I can’t live anymore. Without her is like being without an oxygen, she’s my life, every breath I take is because of her. Why does this love have to be so painful?

Without her being by my side is killing me now. I thought she was just my friend, my friend that I wouldn’t fall in love with. It turns out to be that I never treated her as just a friend, but more than that.

I could still remember how we met, those pretty smiles, those lovely eyes of hers, those long hair of hers, I missed seeing her and being with her, how I wish I could turn back the time and treasured every second when we’re still together, but I guess that won’t happen. Those memories we shared, that could never be erased and forgotten. I hope I just never confessed to her, so she can still be mine, so she could still be always there, next to me, being my best friend. I could never blame her if she can’t accept the truth, I could never blame her if she just wanted to stay friends with me, and not more than that.

Now, I’m here, alone at my house, pretending to be alright, but the truth is I’m dying inside, I wish you could come back to me and still be my best friend, like nothing happened. I will only love her, forever and always. I’m hoping that she could be mine again, all mine even as just as a friend. My love for her…will never end.

Back when she was still mine, I remember when she was running to me in the middle of night, crying, telling me about her problems, I was hurt too, seeing her cry makes me want to cry too, because she was my friend for I have loved her.

I got so tired of crying and waiting if she’d still comeback and still be my friend, I tried calling her several times, but she just ignored me. I went to her house, maybe she would still give me a chance, but I wasn’t able to see her. I wanted to apologize for what I have done and said but never did I had the perfect time to say it. I didn’t have the courage to go talk to her at that time.

After some years, I haven’t been over it yet, I think this love will stay with me forever and can’t be removed from my heart whatever I will do. By accident, I saw her. I wanted to run towards her and hug her so tightly, like there was no tomorrow. But something stopped me from doing it, I saw her..I saw her with someone else. Never did I thought I’d be this much heartbroken. I thought that if I had the courage to go talk to her, maybe I will feel a little bit better. I tapped her shoulders and she turned her head towards me. “Oh Jinki-ah!,” she said while smiling. Man, those pretty smiles, I want to hug her, but I can’t and I shouldn’t. I saw this one man, she introduced me to the guy beside her, it was her fiancé. Hearing those words made me want to go and kill myself, but never did it. I need to smile and be happy for her, but the pain I’m feeling, I can't hide it, it’s just so painful, it’s like I’ve been shot by a bullet.

Why does she have to leave me, she must know that I can’t live without her, she’s already a part of my life that couldn’t be taken away. She’s my darling, my baby and my only love.

*Flashback*

Jinki’s POV:

During those days when she was still mine, we were really close, more like bestfriends.

“Oppa, oppa!,” she calls me with oppa, though I’m just older to her for 7 months. “Why, sweetie?,” yes, I call her sweetie, but she was still fine with that, she never knew how I feel about her anyways.

She told her problem to me, and as usual I just comforted her, like what a normal friend does so my feelings for her wouldn’t be noticed. “Oppa, thank you for comforting me!,” while hugging me. I really didn’t want to hug her, because the more I see and talk to her, the more I’m falling for her.

After some months of hiding it, my feelings for her, which I couldn’t explain through words, gotten stronger. Why does she have to be my best friend, I can’t seem to forget about her. I see her everyday, talk to her everyday, I’m with her everyday, I laugh, share stories with her always. How can I even forget my feelings for her, she’s always there with me.  I tried not bothering my feelings for her, but it just came to a point that I couldn’t hide my feelings for her anymore because every time I would hide it, I feel like bursting and it was so hard for me too. I feel like I must say it to her before anything happens, but still I didn’t have the courage to. Days became years. Now that I couldn’t hold this anymore, why is she becoming closer and sweeter to me? The thought of her liking me too didn’t go away. This made the situation harder. I tried not seeing her for awhile, but that made me miss her even more. I can’t stand being away from her even just for a day, my day wouldn’t be completed without seeing her beautiful face. Her next to me is better than not seeing her at all.

Then came the day, I couldn’t hold my feelings for her anymore. I told her to meet me at the park, I didn’t know what to do anymore. “Oppa, I’m here!” I came close to her and hugged her tightly, like it was the last time I could ever hug her.  While walking, I could feel that I’m getting nervous every step I take.

“Oppa, why now, it’s so cold out here,” she said while pouting.

“Sweetie, here” I put my coat for both of us.

“Oppa, thank you so much!” I want to hug her again, but I thought it would be weird if I did it again.

“Minyeon-ah, I’m sorry for everything if I made you cry sometimes, if you felt bad for something I did wrong, please forgive me.” I said.

“Oppa, you’re really weird, huh? Why are you telling me all of these now?” She looked shocked because of what I’ve said.

“I have to tell you something, Minyeon-ah,” I cleared my throat, then all I did was tell her the truth, about what was I feeling all throughout towards her. Yes, I did confessed. That’s the only solution left for me. I didn’t know what was her reaction, it was hard for me at that time to tell her reaction. She showed no reaction at all, I tried holding her hands, I then held her cheeks. She looked away from me, I know she tried to not show any reactions but tears came pouring down on her cheeks.

“Miahne,” the only word that she said. I wanted to comfort her, I wanted to cry with her, but the next thing I knew was my lips were touching hers, those soft lips of hers. I could feel her heart beating. It seemed that the world stopped for her as well as mine. I felt that she blushed. She pushed me back and slapped me.

“Jinki! Why would you do that?! What were you thinking?! Why would you fall in love with me? I’m your bestfriend, and only as bestfriend, nothing more than that!"

She then told me why must I fall in love with her when I already knew that we’re just friends, and nothing more than that. I knew it, I shouldn’t have told her the truth and just let myself suffer alone. I should just kept it to myself. I already expected it, that, that will be the last time I could hold her, the last time I could talk to her, I knew it already that I won’t see her once more, see her beautiful face, lovely eyes once more.

She just stood up and left without saying goodbye. I tried holding her hands so I could stop her, but I know I have to let go. That was our last time talking to each other. I felt tears running down my cheeks, it was really painful, her saying those words to me, it really was. That was the end, the end of everything, end of my life..

Minyeon’s POV:

“Jinki oppa!” I cried while running towards him, that was my favorite word, I do call him that. “Why, sweetie?” Jinki oppa replied back, hearing those words made my heart jump.

I really loved it when oppa comforts me, I feel so safe when I’m with him, I feel like there’s no one who can ever harm me when I’m in his arms, but oppa never knew that. I just kept it to myself, oppa might misunderstand me. Everytime oppa’s with me, I feel like he doesn’t want to be close with me, he avoids me sometimes too. I never knew that I would fall for oppa, I thought that he would just be my friend, why do I have to fall for him? Why is it everytime that oppa’s with me, he’s very sweet and caring? Is it just me or does he have any feelings for me, I’d love to know that. I tried avoiding him, so maybe I could forget about my feelings for oppa, but it just made me miss him even more. Seeing him everyday, being with him everyday was just too hard for me, too hard for me to be keeping these feelings of mine. I even thought of telling him the truth, just because I think that I might burst in no time, but then I knew that it would destroy our friendship so I just sacrificed my feelings for our friendship. It became even harder when oppa would come and visit me everyday at my house, staying there until night, he would chatter with me all day. I wanted to be alone because he makes the situation harder. But, there was I, listening to oppa, looking at those cute puppy eyes of his, he’s just so perfect and so handsome. I couldn’t stand either being away from oppa. I was confused because either I’m with him or not, I’m feeling the same way about him. I know it was wrong falling in love with a friend, especially a bestfriend.  Whatever I do, I can’t forget about oppa.

I was afraid of when the time would come, when I must say my feelings for oppa, I knew that this would come anytime.

Jinki oppa called me and said to meet him at the park, I was kind of curious because he sounded unsure of what was he telling to me. I came first, then I saw oppa, as usual with his cute eyes and chubby cheeks. I could feel something weird about oppa lately, I don’t know why or what happened, I tried asking him but he just ignores my questions.  There he was, walking towards me, then hugged me so tightly. He was hugging me like we’ll never see each other again.

“Oppa, uh, I couldn’t breath,” I said. He looks pale and nervous, what’s gotten up to him? “Jinki oppa, are you alright?” I asked him with a shrill tone.

Jinki oppa nodded. We sat on the bench, I felt really cold, so oppa shared his coat with me, that was so sweet oppa, I wish I could tell him that, but he may know my feelings for him.

“Minyeon-ah, I’m sorry for everything if I made you cry sometimes, if you felt bad for something I did wrong, please forgive me,”

oppa said. I was so shocked, he called me by my name, but he usually calls me sweetie so I got a little nervous.

“Oppa, you’re really weird, huh? Why are you telling me all of these now?” I said.

He cleared his throat and began telling about his feelings for me.  I never expected that he has feelings for me all this time, why didn’t he tell me? I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know why tears came pouring down on my cheeks, I didn’t know if I was happy or not, I didn’t know what to do. I tried looking away from him, I tried not showing any reactions but tears poured out.

“Miahne,” I said. When he held my cheeks. I wanted to say something but I couldn’t, I don’t know why. I closed my eyes, trying to pretend that I heard nothing, but suddenly, all I knew was his lips were on mine, I could feel his warmth. I thought I fainted: but then I pushed him back and slapped him. I wish I never did that, those words that I’ve said to him, I really never meant that, never at all. I was so happy to know that he fell in love with me, I never meant every single word that I said. While saying those words, I felt that I’ve been shot, it was really painful saying words you never mean. I wish I could tell him the truth, about what I feel too, but I couldn’t, I was thinking that we’re better off as bestfriends only, but I was wrong. Once I got up and left, I wish my first kiss never ended, my first kiss with my first love; I never regretted being with him, staying with him and the most important one, loving him. I knew it was wrong falling in love with a friend, with Jinki; So Jinki never knew how I felt about him, he never knew about my feelings for him, he never knew that I loved him too all throughout that we’re together. I never regretted everything, Lee Jinki.

“I wish you could know how I truly feel about you, you’re my one and only love, Lee Jinki.”

“I will always love you and all I want is you in my life, whatever our situation is and will be, my sweetie, my darling, my life, my everything, its you, Lee Minyeon.”...