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The way she laughed. The way she smiled. The way she looked when she was about to sneeze. To Jiyong, it was all perfection, even if he had had one too many drinks.
He sat on the curb in his jeans and long sleeveless shirt waiting for her to come out of the BigHit Entertainment building after a long day of helping the rookies. The breeze brought daggers of chill to his skin and the wet floor soaked through the bottom of his jeans, numbing his backside. He curled over, his head in his hands between his knees and stared down at his worn-out converse. The hole in the sole soaked up water from the floor, his sock was drenched. He thought he could feel frostbite forming. He ignored the night, swallowing his saliva whenever he thought his dinner would make a second appearance.
The atmosphere fell in a soft drizzle, only visible under the sodium-glow of the street-lights against the ink black sky. No cars passed and (thankfully) no fans or paparazzi, either. If they saw him in this state, God knows what he'd do.
Fame. He's had enough of it - scandals aren't good. No publicity is good publicity, despite what they say.
However, as G-Dragon, he'd grown up with fame. It was all he knew. But, oh, what wouldn't he give for it to disappear.
All he wanted was to make music.
He let out a burp and could still taste the bubbly drinks he'd had earlier - the ones that left his head spinning, making him disorientated. They'd said a few drinks would help him forget her, but, after one too many, he'd ended up outside her work place, hoping to get her back.
I'm going crazy.
It's true. He was going crazy. Scout just wouldn't leave his head! Soon enough, he'd begun to curse her, wanting nothing more than to get her out of his head for good, but he'd tried to forget her so hard that she ended up being all he could think of.
Forgetting didn't work.
So, would he feel better thinking about how much he loved her or how much he hated her?
Hands down, hating her seemed like the much easier option. But even in his drunken state, he knew that he was just lying to himself.
He couldn't hate her.
Whenever he tried to think of what they had, all he could see was how that new guy would hold her, touch her, as if she were rightfully his. Yes, she was dating someone else now, but he still felt that it was wrong.
He loved her, for crying out loud! And she loved him too, he was sure of it! If they both loved each other and that new guy was just there to get in the way, why don't they just push him from their lives and get together again? Start over, just like they were before? They were happy together. The both of them.
Was that not enough?
He let out a yell. No, a scream. A scream that echoed through the empty street, that warmed the bitter air. He screamed again.
These screams held everything: his hate for that new guy, his love for her, his hate for her. His wishing that he could erase himself and start again or just hide the Jiyong behind G-Dragon forever.
Another scream. One that tore his lungs, head and heart apart, his voice breaking. It shattered into a sob and he fell onto the cold, hard pavement, his palms slapping against the moist stone.
He felt dizzy, the whole world was a whir of hate.
She said it'd last forever, but nothing ever does. She changed. He changed. There was no sincerity, no reason. She took away every feeling of love - but that's what he got for being crooked.
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