He's bad news.

He smells like cigarettes and weed.

He's not enough of a man for you.

He hit his ex, you know.

Words.
Words I didn't listen to.
Words, I didn't want to understand.

Because I thought he was different.
Because I thought they didn't know him like I do.
Because I thought they didn't see him like I did.

It was bull.

bull.

bull, all of it.

I always wrote about that pain.
I always read about that pain, heartbreak.
I always saw it.

But I never felt it until now.
I never cried so much until now.
I never wanted the earth to shallow me whole until I saw him

Saw him for who he really is, was.
Everything about him made me depressed.
 

His name.
His stupid smirk.
His voice.
His view of life.
His laugh.
His wonderful taste in music.

Whatever.

I brushed it away like nothing.
I smiled brightly like nothing.
I danced around like nothing.

But I cried every night.
I cried so much.
I cried so much that I ran out of tears.

He cheated on me once.
He cheated on me twice.
He lied to me only god knows how many times.

He texted me every day.
He called me every night.

Him saying, 'I didn't cheat. It was harmly flirting.'
Him saying, 'I'm sorry. You know I love you.'
Him saying, 'Don't leave me alone, I'll do something stupid.'

I continued talking to me so he won't do something stupid.
I continued sitting next to him in class so he won't do something stupid.
I continued to do everything like before so he won't do something stupid.

But it didn't work.
It didn't ing work.
 

He drank the pills.
He left a voicemail at 4 in the morning.
He was going to end his life because I didn't want to start another one with him.

I didn't want to cry the same tears.
I didn't want to feel the same cuts.
I didn't want to die like I did before.

And I didn't.

I don't have anymore tears left in me.
I don't have feelings anymore.
I don't have the emotions of a real human anymore.

Because of all the lies I ate.