[CONTENTID2]It Can Never Be You - Living[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID1]

Thunder lay in the dirt long after the carriage had pulled away, trying to keep from crying over what he had just done. What he had done to himself. What he had done to Joon. What he had done to a boy named Mir whom he had never even met. But this should fix it. This had to fix it all. He balled his hands into fists and he rose from the ground, hearing his friends and assistants quickly explaining how Thunder had been knocked to the ground by the prisoner and how said prisoner had then escaped. Working themselves out of any real trouble when questions were asked. Lies. 

Tao hadn’t been a real guard at all, just one of Thunder’s childhood friends. He would not be missed here, would be able to care for Joon properly until the other was ready to go back to Mir, as he surely would. The officials rolled their eyes, not caring all that much about Joon's escape. It just saved them an execution. 

Rubbing his neck where he had snapped his head back too quickly as he had been forced to the ground, he made his way back to the barracks, keen to let everyone else do the explaining. What he had just done…He didn’t want to think about it. Joon was gone. Never coming back. Gone to be with the one he loved, Thunder had made sure of that. There wasn’t any reason for him to go anywhere else, now that he thought Thunder was dead. Ever since he had crossed out the name on that list, ever since he had seen Joon look up at him with eyes of such…trust, he had known he wasn’t capable of deceiving the other.

Thunder had arranged it all, the biggest acting job anyone could ever perform. Faking your own death, not for your own, but for someone else’s sake. Thunder hoped this act of selflessness could erase the stain that his jealously had wrought. It had hurt him so much to see the other’s face contort, to hear the scream of anguish – for him. He reveled in the fact that he had seen how much the other truly cared for him right then, but it had hurt all the same. He had just wanted the other to be happy, but to get there he had to make him miserable. And as penance for his crimes, Thunder was forced to bear witness to it.

The other men came in, laughing and pushing one another like siblings, but they all stopped when they saw the forlorn figure facing the other way on the other side of the long line of beds. They quietly filed to sit alongside, wondering how they could comfort Thunder. It wasn’t like they weren’t aware of the relationship between Thunder and the prisoner. It had been fairly obvious from the get go, Thunder always asking for shifts whenever Joon was awake, specially preparing food from a different country in the kitchens, everything. Some of their number found the relationship a little odd but helped all the same, and others were much too similar to do anything but support.

“If you cared about him so much, why didn’t you just keep him? He would have stayed for you, I’m sure,” Kai asked, sitting next to him.

“He would have been with me only because his first choice was no longer an option. He's not mine to keep,” he murmured morosely, and Kris slammed him in the back in what must have been an attempt at a “friendly” pat on the back.

“Heyyyy! You want what you want, come on! There’s still time! Go after him, give yourself a chance!” Thunder rose from the bed, appreciative of the other’s attempts to cheer him, but needing space all the same.

“It’s not a case of what I want anymore. It’s about what he wants. It’s about him wanting Mir.