As of late, my life has been surreal. My perspectives of the things I do on a daily basis and the people who I am surrounded by have changed so dramatically that I feel as if I am a different person. I no longer know who I am. I have a name, that is all. I know what I do for a living, the people I hang out with, and the hobbies I take up in my free time; which is minuscule, but who am I really?

Do Kyungsoo, the boy who loves plants, who loves books and cooking, and is afraid of small animals like chihuahuas or pomeranians? I could use these examples when I'm asked to write a summary or told to introduce myself, however these are merely things I like and dislike. These do not define me.

Someone once told me that I have an identity crisis. I'm beginning to believe that person is correct. I cannot remember when this drastic change began. I simply woke up one day, feeling like I was in the wrong body. I no longer have the desire to spend time with friends, I'm never satisfied with anything I accomplish, I feel disconnected from reality. Why am I here? What is my purpose? Most would tell me I should turn to God, or that I'm depressed and need a psychiatrist. These are legitimate suggestions, however, I don't believe I am depressed, I'm just... Incomplete.

There is something missing in my life, maybe it's something to do with my health, perhaps it's something to do with my environment, or it could be a companion I am needing, a person to love and protect. Maybe I should get a dog, or a cat. I might even consider a hamster or a bunny rabbit. A fish would be cheaper, more maintainable, more.... Convenient.

That's how I ended up here. Face to face with a tank full of brightly colored fish, swimming around aimlessly without reason other than knowing nothing else to occupy themselves with. I wonder if they are satisfied with themselves, with their existence, the bodies they are in. Are they even conscious of themselves, of their surroundings? Fish are so hard to read. Maybe this isn't the right choice. I should rethink this responsibility.

"You're going to spook the fish with that expression."

The voice made me jump, startling me from my momentary inner turmoil. I turned my head to see a taller boy, slightly tanned, with an expression of apathy painted onto his handsome face. He wore a blue collared shirt and a pair of wrinkled khakis, a yellow name tag hanging loosely by a flimsy pin clinging to his shirt. His black hair was messy and tousled. He ran a hand through it nonchalantly as he leaned against one of the tanks, the fish swimming toward his elbow, nipping curiously at the glass separating them.

"Are you just going to stare at them? Are you going to pick one out or continue terrorizing them?"

He struck me as the high school bad boy type who would ride a motorcycle to school, if and when he showed up; with a cigarette hanging from between his lips and bruises blanketing his body from the previous fights he'd been involved in.

"You like what you see? You're taking an awful long look."

In a state of panic, I pointed to the first fish I saw. "That one. I want that one."

He furrowed his brows and pushed himself away from the tank, exhaling loudly as he snatched a green fishnet from the top of the shelf. I watched as he flipped the black top away from the glass and dipped the net into the tank. The fish swarmed to the far corner in fear and he cursed under his breath. He shoved his body in front of my view and hunched over the tank, muttering as he chased the fish around. He successfully caught one and slipped it into a small tupperware bowl filled with water. After snapping on a lid and poking air holes into the top with a special punch, he shoved it into my hands.

"Anything else you need?"

I took a peek at the fish. "Er... This isn't the one I wanted. But I suppose it will do. Thank you, ehh... Jongin-ssi."

His eyes went wide and he looked down at his name tag. "! I thought he changed that!" 

I raised my eyebrows, surprised by his outburst. He ripped the tag off and threw it on the ground, stomping on it furiously, until the cheap pin snapped and pierced the sole of his shoe.

"Oh my god. Are you alright?"

A look of horror was frozen into his eyes. After what seemed like a full minute, he his heel and limped away in silence, his mouth still gaping and the yellow tag hanging off the bottom of his sneaker, scraping against the dusty linoleum.

"Ehh... Thank you for your help, Sir!", I called after him.

I fumbled through my pockets with my free hand searching for my wallet as I made my way to the counter to pay for the fish. A pretty pearlescent fishbowl caught my eye at the end of the isle and I was distracted by it, forgetting about my wallet. I wandered over to it and stared for a long while, before picking it up and carefully slipping it underneath my arm.

"I'll come back tomorrow and get you some fish food, little guy." Oh god, now I'm talking to it.

The large woman at the checkout counter gave me a hard look as I set my fish down and placed the bowl beside it gingerly.

"Which tank was it from?"

Her lips were pressed together in a grimace and her eyes were half lidded.

"Uhhhh..."

She pushed her abdomen against the counter and counted off on her fingers.

"There's four tanks. Was it the green sticker, yellow sticker, purple sticker, or blue sticker?"

I blinked, clueless. "I'm not sure, may I go back to check?"

She sighed heavily and slapped the counter.

"Kai!!! Which tank this boy get his fish from!?" Her voice boomed through the store and I could hear an agitated response.

"Blue!!!"

I reached into my pants pocket and unveiled my wallet.

"1800 won."

I handed her the money and she noisily forced a giant wad of stiff tissue paper inside the bowl before dropping it into a reused grocery bag.

"You want the fish bagged too?"

I declined her offer and picked up the fish in one hand and the bag in the other, relieved to escape from beneath her cold, judging gaze. I held my breath until I heard the door slam shut behind me and let it out in a long sigh.

That is quite possibly the sketchiest pet shop known to man.