Obscure
`Maybe next time you open your eyes everything has changed`

To my one last ‘RESORT’;

I am writing this letter to you; the one and only person I know that can fulfil my last wish! At this very moment, knowing that my wonderful living days is counted; little by little like a blossomed flower slowly losing its sweet fragrance and soon withering...leaving its decaying parts, until nothing is left except its, ash!

I fully know myself that you must have received thousands of letters like mine. However, I feel that somehow, even though there’s only a little chance. I strongly believe mine is somehow different yet hold a deep meaning and have the power to engage, also hoping that it connects with the person whom is reading it.

Please, give this letter of mine a chance, to prove itself!

My once colourful life has now been tainted with ‘black’ –
A life that used to be filled with beaming white sparkling light rays; now there is nothing that can be seen but only DARKNESS.
As second pass, the will of continuing on living is slowly drifting and fading away!
The dreams I etched when I was young and blissful with nothing in mind but happy thoughts, looking at it now I know it is something beyond my ‘GRIP’.
It had become a ‘futile whim’.

I am Lee Hae Rin, only a 17 years old, young teenage girl. A half Korean and half Japanese, who is currently living in London, United Kingdom. I am a girl, who had not lived as much as others; to experience the entire wonderful things this world have to offer. And yet I am a girl which want to show the world what amazing things I can be and what I am made out of. However, the privilege to show this things has now been taken away; permanently, far away from me, for ‘all’ eternity. No way can I grasp it back to my palm.

It was like a balloon given to me, yet I have let go of it and it had flown away alongside the breeze, forever lost and never finding its way back home to “me”.

I was once a normal girl, however when the clock struck on 12 o’clock midnight on my 16th birthday I was then diagnosed with an ‘unknown-deadly disease’. I have now been hospitalized for a year. Every single day without any fail, I have numerous different test, for sure there had been buckets and buckets of blood taken away from me and countless of medicines to drink every hour.

My once sunny life had then dramatically to a gloomy day, full of undying storms.

Even though it had been a year since the day I was diagnosed with this unknown disease; many expert doctors from around the world, have been trying non-stop to figure out what my disease is and what they can possibly do to cure me. But I guess luck isn’t in my side, because however much they try and work hard they still can’t find a cure nor do they know how they can extend my living days.

-

Surely, my ‘destiny’ had now included me into a game I do not know how to play!
A game I have no chance of winning, I was bound to loose from the very start.

-

Day by day I suffer of excruciating pain; like thousands of hot needles pricking the bones under my very flesh. I feel a pain no one has ever felt before; a pain without any cure. There is no day or night without me being a pitiful human-being. No days passed without me, screaming, agonizing with unexplainable distress; wishing for someone to come and end my eternal grief. I have nothing, but painful sorrow.

I attain a deadly disease; which is slowly eating away all living cells on my body. As they eat away my cells, my body will then suffer of agonizing pain like millions of huge heavy rocks are being thrown onto my small fragile body, leaving it looking like as if you touch me I will then shatter into million pieces. My body will then refuse to take in: food, water, medicine. It will refuse everything. However much I want it to end there. It does not. Alongside it, little by little my five senses will then one by one stop working; not able to smell, see, hear, feel and taste. By the time my suffering end my face will no longer be mine, instead, it will slowly...retract; leaving me with a CORPSE like face. When that time comes I would only then be –

‘A HELPLESS DYING HUMAN CORPSE’, waiting for her time to end!

Undeniably before I die I will feel the pain you were supposedly meant to feel when you go to ‘HELL’!
If only there was a painless death, I would definitely choose it over this pain of mine!

At that time I knew I had the disease, hatred had then slowly grown inside my innocent heart. There’s nothing I could do but find someone to blame for all my grief. I asked myself everyday countless of questions that I know for well could not be answered, though I continuously act like a lost fool: asking and asking, again and again;

“WHY WAS IT ME? FROM ALL THE PEOPLE WHY WAS IT ME?”
“WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE SUCH A DAUNTING FATE?”
“HAVE A DONE SO MUCH SIN TO BE PUNISHED AS BAD AS THIS?”
“WHY MUST IT BE ME? I ONLY WISH FOR HAPPINESS?”
“WHY...WHY TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME IN A BLINK OF AN EYE?”

-

I then sealed my hearts entrance.
Not letting anyone in –
I was then left alone, in drunken misery!
I am now like a treasure that had lost is value...

-

When I thought everything was coming to an end; I lost hope, I lost the will to ‘LIVE’, I wanted everything to end, and I just WANTED to DIE at that very moment.

But – then I discovered unintentionally, the existence of no other ‘DBSK’; my very own HEROES!

I was on my laptop surfing the net, killing some time since I couldn’t sleep that night. In an abrupt moment, I clicked onto some random website and there an unknown band music video (at that time they were unfamiliar to me), was on the screen in front of me singing.

Their voices echoed throughout my desolated hospital room, in the middle of the cryptic night, singing:
‘DOUE KIMI WO SUKI NI NATTE SHIMANTTAN DAROU?’

In a snap of a finger they’ve practically cut opened my sealed heart.

I let them in without any hesitation. Whilst they were singing it I can feel the pain in their voices; expressing every single lyrics of the song not leaving one out. They’ve sang it, with their SOUL, HEART and MIND! It touched me deeply. It comforted me. It felt like they’ve healed my grief. I hardly ever cried, but in only seconds they drove me bawling, letting out every single possible drop of tears inside me. Their voices cured my bleeding heart, and they lighten up my ‘dim’ world. The darkness in my life disappeared, instead they changed it onto ‘LIGHT OF HOPE’. I could then feel I wanted to live on. And I did not want to lose. I wanted to be victorious!

-

I realised I am now trapped inside an unbreakable cage; without any exit.
All I can do is accept this daunting fate that was given to me.
I can longer turn my back away; it is now time for ‘me’ to face my DESTINY!
I am going to challenge my destiny and try and win over it.
FOR, I AM THE ONE INCHARGE OF MY OWN DESTINY.
I WILL NEVER LOSE!

-

I was intrigue by them; I searched them for the whole of that night not caring whether I get any sleep or not. I was too eager to find who they are. And I then found out many things about them. I knew their name in an instant. Also, that night I watched numerous videos of them singing different songs and each time I listened to them I felt heaven in their voices, they attain a voice of an angel.

THEY WERE WITH NO DOUBT: LIVING HUMAN ANGELS!

Furthermore, that night I found out how HARD they worked to fulfil their dreams. How much obstacles they encountered on the way to their dreams. The road they walked onto was unyielding. But they had the will and courage to continue and now they are fulfilling their dreams. THEY HAVE SUCCEEDED.

“DBSK” are the one that gave me courage to continue on living, the reason I am still living, the ones who brought light back onto my dim path. Also, the one I want to meet before my eyes shuts, permanently!

My time is this world is counted yet I do not know when this time will be up.
But before that happen I want to ‘LIVE MY LIFE THE FULLEST’.
And so I can die without any REGRETS.

MY ONE LAST WISH IS TO MEET MY BELOVED HEROES: DONG BANG SHIN KI, BEFORE I DISAPPEAR.

I know for well, that I am being somehow shallow and yet selfish. I also know that I am asking WAY too much and it is perhaps impossible. But even though it’s impossible I wanted to give it a try at least.

Will you hear this dying girl’s last wish?

You are the only one I can DEPEND ON. You are my LAST RESORT.

Address:
Lee Hae Rin
21 high bury road
PO4 56X
London
UnitedKingdon

Contact number:
Home: +441373 689-976
My mobile number: +447787256319

Sincerely yours,
Lee Hae Rin

-Signed-