Obscure
`Maybe next time you open your eyes everything has changed`

I reluctantly opened my eyes, as I saw beaming white rays of light glowing from the above blue sky. The light was too bright, causing my half opened eyes to twitch. Opening my eyes as widely as I can, I then found myself lying in this, serene green field; full of beautiful flowers of all sorts and colours: roses, daisies, calla lily, cosmos and dahlia. These numerous flowers scented the whole atmosphere with their sweet-calming fragrance. I was amazed by the view and decided to look around. As I stood up, in-front of me; motionless vivid human images came to life, I was standing there shocked with my mouth half open and my brain suddenly stopping. I didn’t know what to do at all! I nervously moved my hand towards my eyes and rubbed it , seeing if I was only imagining things, like I usually do, but there still stood RIGHT IN-FRONT of me; my beloved idols. I couldn’t believe, not at all.

'This feels real. If this is only a ‘dream’, then I don’t ever want to wake up!’ I mentally commented to myself.

As I thought that, I saw 5 familiar shadows making their way up to me. It was no other than my ‘heroes’.  My heroes who are called: Dong Bang Shin Ki also known as ‘THE RISING GODS OF THE EAST’ that consist of 5 members: Hero Jae Joong, Uknow Yunho, Micky Yoochun, Max Changmin and Xiah Junsu.

The clock hand moved slowly; each passing minute was commensurate to decades – it felt like eternity. They were all inching towards me; my heart was pounding, jumping; rapidly as each minute’s passed. My eyes were glued on them; watching intently every movement they made, as the distance between us was slowly decreasing, bit by bit.

Then in a sudden moment the bright sun was then replaced by the bright glowing moon together with the luminous stars above the glistening night sky.

I suddenly closed my eyes for a second to think about what was happening, alongside trying to make out if this was reality or dream. I suddenly opened my eyes that were shut and right in front of me was them. They left me speechless; unable to utter neither a word nor a sound. I was helplessly trying to move. However, my whole body refused to obey my command. Instead it stayed standing like a statue, at that very moment, I lost control of it. I stood there. Not making a single move or a sound.

I was still astounded from what was happening. Countless of thoughts came popping inside my head. I didn’t know what was what anymore. I couldn’t think straight. But I didn’t care since right in-front of me were the best living creatures created in this world. They were my own version of ‘superman’.

I accidentally looked up and there I saw Jae Joong staring at me intently; as if he was trying to read and study me by that gaze of his. Blood suddenly came rushing to my head, causing me to blush, as I felt it I immediately looked away. He then let out a chuckle whilst he moved his delicate hand to my head, shuffling my hair gently; it made me look up once again.

I was frozen that very moment we gazed into each other’s eyes. Instantaneously, our surroundings changed. We were now standing in the middle of an enormous city, under a big cherry blossom tree.

As the moon watched over us, I stared motionless into his sparkling eyes; it was as if we were reading each other feelings just by starring onto each other’s eyes. We both stood there like living human statues, admiring each other deeper and deeper as we got closer. I could hear my heart beating faster and faster every second we got closer and closer.

The next thing I knew he pulled me inside his well built strong arms; the arms I have longed for all this while, the arms I knew where I would find heaven, the arms I wanted to stay inside on for the ‘all’ eternity. We pressed closer! If was, us two were both trapped inside a web of fate, refusing to part. He held me onto his arms tightly, not wanting to let go as he continuously wrapped me inside his warm embrace. He then started to lean forward, that moment I was overwhelmed; there was an unexplainable sensation flowing through me, in every single vein in my body. I slowly closed my eyes waiting for his soft beauteous lips to touch mine, as cherry blossoms started raining down one by one. It felt like the time around us had stopped; it felt like we were the only people left in this big and busy city. Our lips were centimetres away from touching against each other.

When in an abrupt moment everything turned pitch black, everything vanished in a blink of an eye. It felt like I was through a time machine and everything was reversing back to its designated place.

I said to myself, “WHY? WHY? Just why am I coming back now?”

I knew those were just ephemeral moment, but I wanted to let myself believe they were all real. In my heart, I wanted to stay in that place forever, because 'he' existed in it. In my head I was shouting like there was no tomorrow.

“NO! Don’t take me back yet. Just, please a little more time. I beg you!”
But, then I knew... "GOODBYE" is blooming on the dream that was about to end.

"Good Night" ~
The tears that does not stop
Every time I close my heart,
Telling myself that there is nothing there
It is about to wither.
To the dream that has become thin,
I sing once more.
If you will answer, the sadness is only oneself.
It's okay if I get hurt!

❤

My eyes were tearing up and refusing to open. It felt like I was withering.

Right beside me I heard a familiar voice saying,
“What’s wrong Hae Rin-ah? Are you in pain? Wake up! Wake up!”

I was resisting opening my eyes but somehow it opened in its own will. As I opened my eyes I found myself at the same, exact place I have been for the past year. It was inside my hospital room. I moved my head slightly and there I saw my loving mother holding tightly onto my hand with tears dropping from her eyes. I slowly moved my weak hand towards my mothers' face; wiping all her tears away.

“Mom I’m okay! You don’t have to worry!” I reassured her whilst flashing her, a sweet smile of mine.

“Hae Rin, I thought you were going to leave me! Promise me, you never going to leave me and your father and your lovely brother? You got that! You got to keep fighting to ‘LIVE’, so then, when the time comes you’ll be able to go back to your normal life!” my mother said as she tried to hold her tears back.

I couldn’t say anything. Instead I just smiled back once again. My mom then stood up from her seat beside me, as she then wiped her tears away and said,

“Hae Rin-ah, I’m just going to see your doctor for a bit to pick up your blood result from yesterday! Take Care. Don’t do anything reckless.” she then turned around and exited the room whilst giving me, one last look.

I was still sitting on my medium hospital bed, as I decided to look at the window on the left side of my bed. I gazed at the clouds outside, the clouds started getting heavy, and the clouds that used to be fluffy white slowly turned grey.

The summer breeze changed immediately onto a wintry, ice cold breeze. The wind began to move viciously. Furiously the tress started swaying uncontrollably, it look as if it was trapped and chained down, wanting to get out and move freely; to have its own freedom. Alongside, massive drops of rain started dripping as if there was no other day for the rain. The vicious rain kept blowing tougher and tougher each time. As I watched over the rain, my mood changed. I never liked rain, it was the weather I hated the most. Rainy days; for some reason always makes me sad; as if the angels from the above are crying of pain. It feels like everything always comes to an end when it rains. But this time I thought I would change the meaning of rainy day to me, for it to be: ‘start of something new’. I remembered clearly what I’ve just dreamed of. It was a dream I’ve always wanted to happen in reality. It was my ‘last wish’. I want to see my HEROES.

So then, I have decided to write a letter to SM entertainment hoping for them fulfil my last wish even though it is impossible. Even though it might be impossible to actually come true, I will never know until I try and who knows maybe it will happen somehow...

I then took my note pad out which was located on the right side of my bed where a mini chest draw could be found. After I’ve taken out my note pad, I grabbed myself a pen and started writing my letter.