behind the eight ball : 

A difficult position from which it is unlikely one can escape (Alludes to the eight ball in pool/billiard, which in certain games cannot be touched without penalty.)

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The first time Kyuhyun met Siwon’s father four years ago did not go on smoothly. Siwon had warned him but still he was not prepared. Choi Kiho clenched his jaw and balled his fists when his son told him that he was gay and that he was in love with his maknae in Super Junior.

Kiho did not utter a single word. He stood up, abandoning his meal during the supposedly friendly dinner with Siwon’s family, grabbed his son’s collar with his left hand and slapped Siwon’s cheek hard with his right hand.

Kyuhyun gasped. He could not believe that a father could lay a hand on his own son. Not his father. His father was a warm, caring, funny person. Cho Younghwan was a total opposite to Kiho, who was stiff, cold and very formal and reserved.

Kyuhyun stood up but quickly sat again when he saw Siwon raised his hand, signaling him to sit down. He believed his boyfriend knew how to deal with the situation. What he heard later broke his heart though.

“I did not raise and educate my son to be a fagot, a sinner. You were supposed to live a perfect life as I and your mother have planned for you. You will take over our companies, marry a nice girl from a well-respected family and have children to inherit our businesses. Is it too hard to do?” Kiho said to Siwon with a cold, stern voice.

Siwon looked at the floor while shaking his head. “But I don’t want to do all of those. I just want to be a singer. And I’m in love with Kyuhyun and I will…”

Before he finished his sentence, he felt another sting on his other cheek. His father slapped him for the second time that day, no it’s for his entire life. He looked at his father.

“I thought you loved me. I thought you would understand me. Maybe not now, maybe later. But I had never ever thought you would hate me this much. It’s not the pain on my cheeks Abeoji, it’s the pain in my heart,” Siwon said shakily.

Kiho took another look at Siwon and Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun was sure he saw hatred and disgust in the old man’s eyes. But he was truly, madly, deeply in love with Siwon. And all he knew was that they have to fight for their love.

Their journey back to Siwon’s apartment was engulfed with a torturing silence. Kyuhyun held back his emotion. He had to look tough because he knew Siwon was definitely shocked with his father’s reaction. He pretended to sleep early that night, but after half an hour – when he suspected Siwon really thought he was asleep – he heard his boyfriend sobbed silently. They had been dating for two years and the least he wanted in this relationship was tearing a patrilineal apart.

***

The second time Kyuhyun met Siwon’s father was even worse. It happened almost two years later but apparently nothing had changed. Choi Kiho remained the cold man he was before while Siwon was still persistent with his stance. Kyuhyun could clearly see that Siwon’s mother sided with his father. The only person giving him a warm smile was Siwon’s sister, Jiwon. But the girl was as helpless as her brother.

“I talked to Lee Soo-man and perhaps it’s better to put you on a project overseas to expand your career,” Kiho told Siwon. He then sliced his steak and munched it nicely after dropping the bomb.

Siwon’s jaws dropped. “Overseas? What do you mean?”

“Your manager will inform you,” was the only reply he got.

After that dinner Kyuhyun asked Siwon to drop him at his parents’ house. He did not care even if it was already midnight. He knocked on his parents’ bedroom door. And when his mother opened up the door, he could only hold her tight.

“Sleep with me tonight Eomma,” he pleaded.

And he slept in his mother’s embrace that night. The middle-aged lady smiled a little while her hand was busily combing Kyuhyun’s hair. She sang a lullaby, the same old song that she had always sung for Kyuhyun during his childhood. And that was the moment he broke down.

“Why am I different Eomma? Why should I be gay? Why should I fall in love with Siwon hyung?” he mumbled those words while hugging his mother tighter.

Kim Hanna took a deep breath before giving her answer.

“Be thankful for who you are, for who you have become. Be grateful for the second chance in your life. No matter who you are, you are our Kyuhyun,” and she kissed him lovingly.

Since the meeting, Kyuhyun was always anxious. Every time their manager announced Super Junior’s schedule, he always felt his stomach flipped. But there was nothing extraordinary, so he thought the threat from Siwon’s father might be only a bluff.

Just how wrong he was.

Three months later, just when Super Junior was busy preparing their comeback with the 6th album “y, Free and Single”, Siwon’s manager came and told the handsome actor that he had been cast for a Chinese drama and he would be filming in Shanghai for about three months.

It was then Kyuhyun knew that Choi Kiho was a man of his words.The old man actually sent his son overseas to tear them apart. If Siwon’s father could do so much when they were together, what would happen to them when they are apart?

So before Siwon left, Kyuhyun literally held his boyfriend the whole night. He never let go off his hands from the other’s.

“Come back to me, please…” That was all he could say when Siwon kissed him goodbye. Their eyes were teary but they had to be strong for each other. Neither of them cried.

Super Junior members could see how both Siwon and Kyuhyun suffered from the separation. There was always an empty spot next to Kyuhyun, the spot where Siwon was supposed to stand, but the tall guy was not there. Siwon was barely a Super Junior member anymore. He missed so many group schedules, and people started talking, speculating if Choi Siwon had finally given up his part being a Super Junior member and chose to focus in acting instead.

These kinds of comments just added more nails in Siwon and Kyuhyun’s already suffocating leash, tearing off the skin of their faith bit by bit, scratch by scratch.

They both got skinnier. Kyuhyun became paler due to lack of sleep. Siwon did not only turned very tanned from his role as a surfer, he also lost weight. Through fan account, everyone could see that the group’s visual was losing his shine and charm. They both still communicated with each other, but still it was not easy. Kyuhyun faked his smile and laughter but at the end of the day, he ended up crying on Leeteuk’s arms. And while Kyuhyun had the generous shoulders and laps of their band mates, Siwon had to suffer it all alone, in a place where nothing could give him the comfort of home.

He would just run back to Kyuhyun if he could, swim the oceans if he had to. But Lord knows he could not, not if it would only bring more trouble for his beloved Kyuhyun.

“Please Baby, be strong. I’ll be back once I finish the project,” Siwon repeatedly told Kyuhyun to hold on to their hope no matter how bleak their future would be.

And maybe, just maybe, maybe their perseverance finally softened some stone-hard hearts.

Leeteuk finally stepped forward. He met with Lee Soo-man, asking the SM founder to reconsider his decision in interfering both artists’ love life.

“They have always been professional Seonsaeng-nim. They have always fulfilled their obligations. I’m begging you to have mercy on them. They love each other and they’re happy when they’re together. What we are doing will just kill them slowly,” he begged.

Nobody knew what happened next. They only knew that Siwon was back as the “Spy” promotion started. And everybody was happy with his return,

But no one could outshine the happiness radiating from Kyuhyun’s face. He was the happiest.

***

The next time Siwon was having dinner with his family, Kyuhyun refused to join. And yet Siwon insisted. Siwon said that his father also invited Kyuhyun’s parents. So he had no other choice but to follow suit.

The meeting took place at a private room in a plush restaurant. Despite the seemingly delicious ambiance, Kyuhyun thought all the cuisine tasted bitter because he was too nervous. But then he felt a squeeze on his left hand just under the table. He turned around and saw his mother smiling at him.

She mouthed: “It’s alright.”

He smiled back. He saw Siwon was also tensed. He had a stern expression on his face that he only put on when he was defensive, like a lion protecting its pack.

Choi Kiho finally broke the silence.

“Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Cho for fulfilling my invitation. I believe you are well aware of what I’m going to talk about. As you can see, my son has been in love with your son, at least that’s what he told me. But I believe that as Kyuhyun-ssi’s parents, you both have raised him well and given him proper education. Our families are active at church and we know exactly that our religion does not recognize homouality.”

He paused while studying Kyuhyun’s parents’ expression. “I did not raise my son to be a sinner. Their so-called love was a fatal mistake and I can not tolerate that. So please, tell your son to stay away from Siwon because I…”

Before Choi Kiho finished his sentence, Kyuhyun’s father cut him. “What all due respect Mr. Choi, I believe our sons are grown-ups. They are mature enough to understand the consequences of their choices. If they choose to be lovers, then let them be. Because you never feel how it is to nearly lose your son. I hope you don’t have to go through what I’ve been through. It’s painful Mr. Choi, it’s a lot painful than being mocked and humiliated by the society just because our sons are gay. I think it’s better to let them live their lives to the fullest.”

Kyuhyun was amazed to hear his father’s sentences. He knew his father would always defend him, but he was still amazed that his father would step forward like this.

Both old men stared at each other in silence.

“I think you miss my point Mr. Cho. You don’t have the same social status as I do. My position…”

“I don’t care about your position. You touch my son, you’ll face me,” Kyuhyun’s father said, obvious that he held back his anger.

“Don’t worry Mr. Cho. I will not touch your son. I will teach my own son a lesson,” Kiho said. And everyone in the room was shocked when they heard Siwon’s scream. Apparently his father had already prepared an extra leather belt and he used it to whip his son. Siwon was too intense to follow the conversation and he was not ready to face any attacks, not from his own father.

Kyuhyun screamed. He made a full bow. He put both hands on the floor, one palm was above another, he bent his body until his forehead touched his palm. “Please don’t, please don’t hurt Siwon… Please…” And he cried. “I’m sorry for making your son a sinner, a disobedient and an imperfect person. I’m sorry, I’m really really sorry.”

Siwon is deadpanned. “Kyu… Baby…”

Kyuhyun rose from bowing. He sat up straight and faced Kiho. “But I love Siwon very much and I am not going to leave his side until the end of time. So if you want to punish him, you’d better punish me instead.”

Tears rolled down Siwon’s cheeks. He moved closer to Kyuhyun and they both hugged each other tight.

Nobody uttered a word in the next five minutes. Kiho stood up. He faced the two young men. “Stand up boys,” he said. They obeyed him. Siwon was ready to receive another slap or another whip. But what he got was a squeeze on his shoulder.

He looked up. He saw a small smile on his father’s face. “You have gone this far. I have to say that I’m proud of you Siwon. You’re a man of words and I expect you to stay that way. If Kyuhyun is your choice, don’t you dare come to me and tell me you boys break up.”

With that, Choi Kiho motioned Cho Younghwan to get out of the private room. The two young men could hear their fathers continue their conversation while their mothers giggled in between their chit chat.

Siwon and Kyuhyun stared at each other in confusion. “That’s it?” Siwon mumbled. “I got whipped and that’s it?”

“Idiot!” Kyuhyun playfully smacked him. “Your father almost gave me a heart attack.”

They both grinned and hugged each other. “Well whatever. Finally…. Right?” Siwon murmured.

“Yeah, finally…”Kyuhyun whispered.

Siwon grabbed Kyuhyun’s hand and pulled him out of the room. Hand in hand, they stepped towards the four people who were smiling warmly to them, their parents.

Still not believing the drastic turn of events, Siwon wrapped his arms around his father and mother’s necks, with Kyuhyun’s raspy chuckles in the background. That moment he understood what they were saying in billiard, no matter how difficult and impossible the situation was, all they need was a gentle push at the right angle to make the cue ball jump over the eight ball and finish its aim.

***

If life is a pool game, the eight ball is the obstacle, and the cue ball is the fate, the future still depends on the player, and not the situation.

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