"To your graduation!" yelled  So hee , my oldest sister , clinking her glass to mine.
My mom started waving her hand to catch everyone's attention.
" I'm so proud of you!" she said, her eyes watering.
"Aww no mom don't cry or I'm going to cry " chocked Da eun , my very pregnant sister as she was already crying.
"Guys.." I promised myself I wouldn't cry, but damn they weren't helping.
My sister gently patted my hair. "Ahh but we are proud of you, kid, okay?? You managed to get back on your feet. And that's
pretty awesome."
I shrugged and smiled. I rolled my sleeve pointing at my muscle. " Please I'm a tough one" I replied, holding back my laughter.
"My baby is no longer a baby" added my mom.
"Ahhh ! I'm still your baby. " I said, putting my arms around her shoulders.

I tightened my embrace and kissed her on the cheek .
"Okay enough with the emo , let's eat!" I went back to my seat and called the waiter. To celebrate my graduation , my sisters and my mom brought me to an italian restaurant, squeezed in a tiny street of NY . My two others sisters were unfortunately away and couldn't join us. One being somewhere in Europe catching strange bugs while the other one was still home in California, she wasn't able to take her weekend off. We tried our best to save money for this little New York trip, I was a bit sad but I knew we could have another celebration once back.
As I jumped on my beautiful filled plate , my phone started buzzing.

[I just read your e-mail! Congratulations on your graduation! sadly I'm sorry but you'll not be smarter than me, I'm still better than you]
I laughed.
[Gramps, be careful your head might not be able to enter the car]
I looked at my watch. I had no idea what time it was there. I stopped paying attention a long time ago.
[But thank you for the congratulations! I hope you and the guys are okay! ]
[You're welcome, I'm happy for you. Haa, yeah we're good, we're starting a mini tour in Malaysia. Things are still hectic!]
Another thing I kind of stopped paying attention to. It's not that I wanted to cut off all ties with exo but I couldn't bring myself to follow their every movements like I used to do when I left Korea.
[I see! Well get some rest then! Talk to you soon!!]
It sounded like a lie and felt like one.
The two first years back in the USA, I kept my promise , I wrote to Suho everyday. Luckily for him he didn't had to make up anything, the company took care of announcing my break for "family reasons" . It wasn't totally false anyway. He was my link to the rest of the band. Chanyeol was also keeping in touch very often, mostly sending me silly videos of himself being an idiot. I tried my best to respond everytime.
I thought coming back would erase everything but unfortunately it wasn't that easy. The first year was pretty much hell. I had major anxiety problems, I couldn't leave the house without feeling oppressed or paranoid. I spent mornings crying and locking myself in the bathroom to not have to go outside. My mom took me to a therapist.
It took time but the nightmares and the panic attacks eventually faded away. I got in UCLA and spent most of my time studying. I also had a part time job as dance teacher for the kids of the district.
Now that I've graduated I'm considering being a full time professor. I don't see myself doing anything than dancing. It was truly my salvation, my hope. I still attented dancing events and was often asked for help with music videos choreographies.
[Okay. bye..!]
Our conversations got shorter  with time . Life was busy for everyone . We ended up mailing each other every two or three months. The only one who still kept in touch with me was Soo jin, my manager. She emails me every week.
"I keep an eye on my golden voice" It made me smile every time. She wasn't ready to let me go , even after four years.
Her latest maiI kept me awake for two nights.I should have known she still had things in store for me.

I poured myself another glass of wine.
"Actually I have something else to add.." I announced, staring at my glass.
"Hmm ??" So hee looked at me while struggling with her gigantic calzone.
"Manager Soo jin" as soon as I pronounced her name, I could see my mom's face tensing up a bit. "She said SM has a job position for me. They want me to be one of their video choreographer for the group they plan to debut in the next few months.." I took a sip. My sisters were looking at each others while my mom was just staring at me.
"I didn't reply yet."
"So.. you're considering it..?" I nodded. My mom sighed and put her hand on mine. "Well.. whatever your choice, we're supporting you. you know that."
Da eun her belly. "Well, Little guy you better come out soon!"

After stuffing our faces, we came back to the hotel. So hee and I shared the same room while my mother stayed at Da eun's appartment.
I didn't mind being at the hotel, it always felt comforting somehow. After a well deserved shower I crawled under the blankets, checking my phone one last time.
"Can I come in?" So hee was standing in front of my bed, her hair still wet from her bath.
"Sure" I made room for her, pulling the sheets away.
I looked at her staring at the ceiling. The peachy scent of her shampoo was already filling the air.
"So.. you're going , right?" She asked, still looking at the ceiling.
I nodded. She put her hand on my head . "You still kept that stupid habit of nodding. I can't see you if I don't look at you" . I laughed. She finally turned her face towards me and sighed. "Are you scared?"
I took a minute to think about it. Was I ?
"Mhmm. Not really. Things have changed, I've changed. It's going to be different this time. I'm .. well.. ready I guess." I paused.
"Your talent is a waste here anyway" She smiled.
"This time you'll be able to visit me more!"
"Ha!" She pinched my cheek. "I'm glad you're doing it. You're right. You're a tough one"
"Pffft" I pushed the pillow on her face "stop being all emotional again!"

"Seoul be ready, Sunny is coming back" So hee replied before doing her crazy evil laughter.