One morning I got a phone call from my mom. As soon as I picked up  she started sobbing really hard. She kept saying "Oh my god you're okay , I'm so glad you're okay".
It was 3 in the morning in Korea so it made it harder for me to understand what was going on.
"I got flowers" she said. Tons of flowers, plenty of funeral wreaths. It all was meant for me.
To be honest I wouldn't have cared if they would have been sent to me, I would have been freaked out for sure. But they targeted my family. My mom?
 This morning , I told her that everything would be okay, that things would change. I waited for a more appropriate time , hoped on a cab and went straight to the company.
"I quit" . They were shocked, they tried calm me down. I couldn't stop crying , I was so mad at them for not protecting me the way they should have. "Maybe you tried your best for me but those girls reached my boundaries. I can't do this anymore I'm sorry." The company was embarrassed , they understood that I would not change my mind and accepted to let me go.
I was a rookie, it was my first year of being an idol. And sadly I didn't handle the madness that was behind being a public figure.
I texted Suho on my way back to the appartment.

[Gramps, I'm sorry but I think we're going to have to postpone our gimbap session ..]
[ What?? No way! Is it because I said you smelled funny the other because I was totally joking-]
[.. No it's not - wait when did you say I smelled- nevermind]
[That's not fair (-_-) You knoW HOW BAD I WANT TO EAT RIGHT NOW]
[ Sooorry! Just take Tao, he  is always whining about how we never take him with us]
[...you said postpone??? Why are you talking about picking Tao now??]
[.... Because I don't know when I'll be back...]
[Where are you going??? I'm calling you now!]
[Ahh no please don't ,I can't really talk right now]
[Sun are you okay, you're scaring me..]
[ ahhh..I am. not really okay. BUT please don't panic! I just . I quitted.]
[Sunny??? ]
[ I'm back from SM, I told them I couldn't do it]

_{Suho is calling you}

"....I told you not to call me" I muffled.
" So , I guess this is not a joke?? What happened?"
"....."
"SUN!!" He shouted through the phone.
I was trying really hard to hold back, but the more he was talking to me , the more I wanted to cry again.
"Sunny..." His voice was soft and sweet.
I lost it and started bawling . I kept telling how far they went and how  hard it was . I told him how traumatized my mom was. Everything. everything.
"I had no idea things were so bad.. Why didn't you tell us?? Why didn't you tell me??"
"Only Chanyeol and Xiumin knew.. Well they knew some bits because they witnessed some incidents.."
"I wish I could have done something"
I knew he was very angry, mostly at himself . Suho was  like my big brother. He felt like family to me. He took me under his wing when I was a very young trainee ,he was the one to introduce me to the rest of the band.  I grew up with four sisters so .. that was quite a change.They all were like the brothers I never had. Ah, maybe not all of them.
"I know. But you and I both know there are things you are not allowed to say." I replied. I heard him sighing.
"Are you planning to go back to California?"
" I asked my manager to take care of all my stuff, she's going to ship everything home and taking care of selling the appartment.."
"That's.. whoa you're fast.."
"I just need a break from the stage-"
"No you just need a break from the fans.."
I shrugged. That was probably the truth. As I grew in SM family, I got quickly close to the band, at this point where I was hanging out with them all the time. At first, the fans didn't mind. I wasn't in the spotlight yet. But when I started.. ahh things changed. It went from "she's disgusting , she's just looking for attention" to " Why does exo accept her? She should just die. DIE ".
"So... Are you going to say goodbye to us or..?"
"I'm sorry.."
A lifeless laughter reached my ears.
" It doesn't mean I won't keep in touch with you!"
"Yeah you better!" He paused for a minute . "You could at least say goodbye to Kai."
That's one thing I refused to do.
"Don't tell him. don't tell him what happened. You and the company are the only one who know."
"Sun?? What am I supposed to say?? That you vanished in the air?"
"Just.. Just say I burned out. I was tired of singing. something like that.."
"This sounds.. Okay -really, he's never going to bite that but okay.."
"I'm going to hang up now.. I need to pack my stuff but I'll call you before I leave okay?"
"...okay...good luck! bye!"
I stared at my phone for a minute. Was all of this really happening.

[I don't know how I'm going to face everyone. But I won't let you down.]
[Thank you..]
[Promise me you'll write me everyday.]
[I will.]
 

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OKAY CAN I HIDE MYSELF NOW wwww. I hope that first round wasn't too mehhh. Like I said, excuse my possible weird grammar.