A Thousand You || Divergin1004 ★
The PROM15E box。// closing downA THOUSAND YOU BY DIVERGIN1004
TITLE: 7 / 10
DESCRIPTION: 7 / 10
You’re able to keep the reader’s attention long enough to continue on to the foreword or to the next chapter, that’s for sure. It does give a slight insight of how the story is going to go but doesn’t give enough to reveal the overall plot. The part that bothered me is the fact you didn’t include a period at the end of each sentence (unless you meant to do that). It causes the reader to keep reading without a pause; it’s tiring and can be messy. Also, the fact you say “A decent human in a decent sea of people” sounds odd. I wouldn’t use the word “human” in this sentence. Instead I suggest you put “individual” or even “soul” making the sentence be, “A decent individual in a decent sea of people” to show that person stands out, yet is the same as everyone else in the crowd. “A decent soul in a decent sea of people,” gives a bigger impact on the reader, leading them to focus on that one person, and that one person only. Not only will it talk about that person’s outside ‘normal’ appearance, it’ll explain the person’s personality. Of course you don’t need to change it at all, but try to find deeper meaningful words to fit the voice of the story.
FOREWORD: 3 / 5
PLOT: 24 / 30
It wasn’t truly original. If you just replaced the scene with a school theme or work theme then it would be exactly the same thing. Yes, there was a fight but it just seemed a bit…. forced? Like it was meant to give drama but turned it into more of a needed cliche where one person should be angry to another to make a sappy reunion or something. It didn’t seem to be needed at all, maybe it was put in there to give it more spice or action in the story since it’s a one-shot.
FLOW: 16 / 20
The first part of the story had a good pace. We got introduced to to setting and the thoughts but we weren’t much introduced to the main character (Woohyun). For someone who barely knows Infinite will be confused on who is the main here - that’s me for example so I need to look for context clues to know who was who (finally when I was reading ahead just to make sure. Again, the first part was okay to get the audience wondering into the story.
TITLE: 7 / 10
From the title, it does imply an atmosphere of angst with a romantic theme. Of course others may first notice it as a simple love story with scenes of fluff. It all depends on the reader and their personal judgments. Originality doesn’t describe the title, nor does unique stick in my mind. It’s cliche but that doesn’t mean it’s a terrible thing; it just means it blends in with the rest of the fanfics yet curiosity itches at the reader to continue. Still it won’t stand out as memorable to many. The question, of course, does the title relate to your story? My answer (if you see it as right for me to address as such) is yes. Now the reason why I found the title fitting for your story is the fact the main character (Woohyun) notices a certain redhead (Sunggyu) day by day as if there were thousands of him on the street, like there were clones of him that Woohyun couldn’t help but notice.
PRESENTATION: 5 / 5
Nothing wrong with the layout at all. It’s neat, everything is in place. No eye sores of colors. No unnecessary font sizes. Nothing to complain about. You kept it simple and that’s all it matters.
PRESENTATION: 5 / 5
Nothing wrong with the layout at all. It’s neat, everything is in place. No eye sores of colors. No unnecessary font sizes. Nothing to complain about. You kept it simple and that’s all it matters.
DESCRIPTION: 7 / 10
You’re able to keep the reader’s attention long enough to continue on to the foreword or to the next chapter, that’s for sure. It does give a slight insight of how the story is going to go but doesn’t give enough to reveal the overall plot. The part that bothered me is the fact you didn’t include a period at the end of each sentence (unless you meant to do that). It causes the reader to keep reading without a pause; it’s tiring and can be messy. Also, the fact you say “A decent human in a decent sea of people” sounds odd. I wouldn’t use the word “human” in this sentence. Instead I suggest you put “individual” or even “soul” making the sentence be, “A decent individual in a decent sea of people” to show that person stands out, yet is the same as everyone else in the crowd. “A decent soul in a decent sea of people,” gives a bigger impact on the reader, leading them to focus on that one person, and that one person only. Not only will it talk about that person’s outside ‘normal’ appearance, it’ll explain the person’s personality. Of course you don’t need to change it at all, but try to find deeper meaningful words to fit the voice of the story.
FOREWORD: 3 / 5
Straightforward, short, easy to read are just the outer layer of the foreword. Eye catching, interesting, mysterious are just the right words to actually describe it. It was an extension of the description. It helped the reader think closely of how the story might actually go. It’s already clear that someone is standing out from a crowd, but now our thoughts will be filled with questions on how exactly the two characters are going to interact, either for the worst or for the better. It didn’t give enough of the plot nor did it give too little. It was the right amount (of course you could put a little more… oomph!) to begin the story with.
WRITING MECHANICS: 15 / 15
WRITING MECHANICS: 15 / 15
To be honest, I’m not huge on grammar or mechanics. Sorry in advance if I didn’t go in detail in is his section. Mostly I only do this section if there really are some horrible mistakes. I did notice you got your story reviewed a couple of times which fixes your grammar and mechanics, so…. I couldn’t find anything that stuck out from the rest. All seems good to me.
CHARACTERISATION: 15 / 20
It was a one-shot so I didn’t expect there to be much characterization. Overall, the way the main character (Woohyun) strikes me as the curious and hoping person, focusing on one thing until it’s the only thought in his mind; pretty much how he kept the redhead (Sunggyu) in his thoughts. The way he questions himself why he found this stranger so noticeable and intoxicating can be related as many will be guilty to daydream of a stranger they barely met. That’s what Woohyun does, he daydreams at times as he realizes he actually cares about this stranger who he has never really had a conversation before. He didn’t fall in love in one day or just one look, which I’m actually glad it didn’t happen.
It was a one-shot so I didn’t expect there to be much characterization. Overall, the way the main character (Woohyun) strikes me as the curious and hoping person, focusing on one thing until it’s the only thought in his mind; pretty much how he kept the redhead (Sunggyu) in his thoughts. The way he questions himself why he found this stranger so noticeable and intoxicating can be related as many will be guilty to daydream of a stranger they barely met. That’s what Woohyun does, he daydreams at times as he realizes he actually cares about this stranger who he has never really had a conversation before. He didn’t fall in love in one day or just one look, which I’m actually glad it didn’t happen.
When finally they talk, Woohyun, pulling at his inner curiosity, he makes the effort to charm or even have a sort of friendship to be much more than a stranger and stranger interaction. But then there was an argument with emotion that can be found and the thoughts of Woohyun really brought it home the most. He was able to reveal how he felt without saying much, giving the reader an insight.
The thing I thought should be more present is more of Sunggyu at times, he barely showed much in this one-shot and was only told from Woohyun’s perspective instead of having an insight like we did with Woohyun. He reacted what he was supposed to react without an actual deep feeling. We’re supposed to count on Woohyun to give us some details but even then it was stale and boring.
PLOT: 24 / 30
It wasn’t truly original. If you just replaced the scene with a school theme or work theme then it would be exactly the same thing. Yes, there was a fight but it just seemed a bit…. forced? Like it was meant to give drama but turned it into more of a needed cliche where one person should be angry to another to make a sappy reunion or something. It didn’t seem to be needed at all, maybe it was put in there to give it more spice or action in the story since it’s a one-shot.
Now the reason for the points, the wandering thoughts of Woohyun and why he is thinking of this red headed stranger, is the highlight of this whole story. It was truly unique how the outcome of the story relies on Woohyun to make a move or to do some sort of action to get the story started. His thoughts lead to the end and so he got to makes a choice.
FLOW: 16 / 20
The first part of the story had a good pace. We got introduced to to setting and the thoughts but we weren’t much introduced to the main character (Woohyun). For someone who barely knows Infinite will be confused on who is the main here - that’s me for example so I need to look for context clues to know who was who (finally when I was reading ahead just to make sure. Again, the first part was okay to get the audience wondering into the story.
The central part of the story was a bit dragged on. Some instances could be cut seeing as some information was trivial and useless to the flow. It was just extra information, and it would be able to sidetrack it if it wasn’t for the next action. It took awhile to get the idea.
The conclusion was tied to the central story but this time it was shorter, resulting it in a quick way. I actually have no problem with this as it took the right amount of time to understand and to wrap things up. Still, it would be way too quick for the readers to catch up in and understand as the central part had given extra info that doesn’t play a part.
WRITING STYLE: 28 / 30
Your writing style is actually really amazing. Already I was pulled in from the beginning of the story to keep reading. It fits with this type of story. Not too much detail with long endless paragraphs. It fit the mood as the short sentences can be related to quick jolted thoughts (since it focused on Woohyun the most anyway). This type of writing are best used when doing one-shots or stories that rely more on inner thoughts than surroundings.
WRITING STYLE: 28 / 30
Your writing style is actually really amazing. Already I was pulled in from the beginning of the story to keep reading. It fits with this type of story. Not too much detail with long endless paragraphs. It fit the mood as the short sentences can be related to quick jolted thoughts (since it focused on Woohyun the most anyway). This type of writing are best used when doing one-shots or stories that rely more on inner thoughts than surroundings.
OVERALL ENJOYMENT: 9 / 10
What I like about this story is Woohyun’s own ideas (yeah I keep bringing this up but oh my god I just really love it and it really pulls at me). That was what I liked about the story the most.
What I like about this story is Woohyun’s own ideas (yeah I keep bringing this up but oh my god I just really love it and it really pulls at me). That was what I liked about the story the most.
My dislikes? Hmm, it should be that small fighting scene, you know the one with Woohyun’s mouth clenched and kind of angry? Yeah, that part. It just doesn’t seem so wonderfully told of inserted to fit the whole theme of the story.
TOTAL: 129 / 150
PERCENTAGE: 86 %
REVIEWER'S COMMENT:
I actually really hope I wasn’t so harsh or confusing. If I was, ask me questions anytime!
TOTAL: 129 / 150
PERCENTAGE: 86 %
REVIEWER'S COMMENT:
I actually really hope I wasn’t so harsh or confusing. If I was, ask me questions anytime!
Laufyson-
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P.S. WE HOPE YOU LIKE THIS REVIEW FROM ANOTHER NEW REVIEWER THAT JOINED THE PROM15E BOX。
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