What Happened to My NORMAL Life?!?!?! by penelope32221

Review by chocobella2

Description

When you find out what your boyfriend does behind your back. When you loved him all these times. What do you do?

Title →(9/15)

Titles of fanfics must catch the readers' attention. It's better off shorter and catchy. That way the story sticks in their head more. There is also unnecessary capitalization. Yes, I am aware that you were trying to put emphasis on the word, "normal," but it's just not doing anything for your story. And the, "?!?!?!," at the end. It is also not really necessary. Too many question marks and exclaimation marks are just a little over. Get what I'm saying? "What Happened to My Normal Life?!" is just as good too. 

First Impressions →(16/20)

It's a little bare to be honest. Perhaps get a poster with both main characters and the title rather than just a picture of one of the main characters. And lengthen your description a little more. The size is already pretty good, just a little more detail will do the trick. Friendly tip, the disclaimer, (the "All Ideas came from me" thing), should be in the foreword, not the description. The description is suppose to be what the story is about, the foreword is your message to the readers. I'd also suggest to make your description and foreword look more appealing and pretty. It's what draws the readers in.

Language →(5/10)

I don't mean to be rude or anything, but after writing out your chapters, you should always recheck them afterward. I'm constantly finding spelling errors, (but if English isn't your first language, I understand), and punctuation mistakes. All sentences should end in either a period, ( . ), an exclaimation mark, ( ! ), or a question mark, ( ? ). And try to find other words to use, you often repeat the same words.

Flow and Consistency →(13/20)

You switch POVs a little too often, so it gets a little confusing. Although, I must admit, it's cool to show different sides to a situation, just try not to do too many different POVs in one chapter. And your story flows a little too quickly. For example, you just introduced Minhyuk as the boyfriend, and already their relationship is in the rocks. Just take it a little slower.

Storyline →(18/20)

You actually did pretty well here. Despite all the gramatical errors, you delievered on the plot well. Your plot was, "When you find out what your boyfriend does behind your back." And as far as I can see, you executed that greatly. I can see that even though they are still together, their starting to part. So good job!

Characters →(10/10)

Congrats, you did perfectly in this category! You wrote that the main character is bubbly and cries easily. And from what I read, you definitely delievered on that. And you stated that Peniel was fun, playful and bubbly, which you also showed in the story. You kept their personalities constant unlike other authors who don't keep to  their characters' personalities. Overall, you did great here. 

Entertainment →(9/10)

This was actually my first time reading a, "You," story. And in my opinion, it very interesting, I'll await further updates! ;)

Total →(80/105)