Nightmares by checkers

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Nightmares by checkers

Review by chocobella2

 

 

 Title ⇒ (10/10)

Although a short title, I think it's a good one. Short and simple, sticks in your head more than long ones. Despite it being a common one, after reading your story, I realized it fit the story perfectly.

 

 

► First Impressions ⇒ (15/15)

The description and foreword appears quite blank at first. The description is one sentence. But that one sentence was such a powerful one. It really effects the readers (or at least, me). It's actually good that you didn't reveal much of the story because readers will be more interested. Get what I'm trying to say? It really grabs attention. So big thumbs up!

 

 

 

► Language ⇒ (13/15)

Your spelling and punctuation were, pretty much, perfect. I couldn't find mistakes with spelling throughout the whole story. (Either that or I at finding spelling mistakes). The only thing was your grammar. When Woohyun was telling about the past, it should stay in past tense. There were some parts where I found that you wrote the sentence in a different tense.

Example-

What you wrote: "You apparently love Science."

What it should be: "You apparently loved Science." Or "Apparently, you loved Science."

But overall, there weren't many mistakes like that, so good job!

 

 

 

► Flow and Consistency ⇒ (12/15)
I feel that it went a little too fast. Since it's a oneshot, I feel it should be a little longer. Perhaps more behind WooGyu's relationship? I was actually hoping for more inside their love story. But I have to admit, the way you transitioned through the story was dramatic. So you recieved a 12. :)
 
 
 
► Storyline ⇒ (15/15)
You carried the sad, angst theme throughout the story exceedingly well. It has the perfect tone for this type of story. The way you wrote it, it was just so dramatic. And angst-y. (Pretend it's a word). It was unbelievable.
 
 
 
► Characters ⇒ (15/15) 
I loved the way you (or Woohyun, I guess) described the personalities of Woohyun and Sunggyu. You made them come to life for me. I have no idea how to explain it, but it seemed like those characters were really alive.
 
 
 
► Entertainment ⇒ (10/10)
Well, to be honest with you, I don't really read angst. I'm a very fluffy person. ≧◠◡◠≦✌ But this story really grew on me. It was beautifully written. I actually felt like crying (I'm very sensitive) at the end. Please continue writing stories like this, you're an amazing author. :) 
 
 
 
Total : (90/95)
Kyahh! Great job! 94.73684210526316 percent! (According to my calculator). Congratulations! :D
 
 

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Reviewed by Chocobella2

PM Chocobella2 or ScreamingMidget for any additional questions/add-ons to the review/etc. Additional material may be managed by ScreamingMidget instead of original reviewer (to avoid overworking underaged children) unless otherwise requested. 

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Comments

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bts_kimtaehyung
#1
a. Story URL : https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/750795/blind-heirs-angst-romance-tragedy-you-exo-baekhyun-kimwoobin

b. Whatever else you think you need to add.
I really want to improve:3

You can get creative with this.
exoticbabylove
#2
Chapter 13: I would like to thank you for the review! I will try to think more realistically in terms of characterization. Thank you for the advice and this is indeed a eye-opener.

I know that it's a little rushed because I wanted to finish to one-shot as soon as possible so if I have time, I will change the necessary parts. I appreciate the effort for the review, thank you so much!
KawaiiMeansGily
#3
Well, I will be requesting a review, hope you have the time! :D

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/608518/collide-gdragon-leechaerin-skydragon

It's on going, and I'm taking my time to write it, to avoid grammar horrors, but I will highly appreciate some tips here and there. Thanks so much in advance! Feel free to throw me rocks if it ! ha ha ha!
Slytherinese #4
requesting a review here ^^

url: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/641675/his-turn-to-cry-oneshot-sad-sliceoflife-suho-exosuho-joonmyeon-suhoandoc


i just posted this right after i wrote it.I feel like there are some missing elements in the story.It would be cool if you can review it :) its a oneshot story btw. :)
taobby
#5
requesting a review :) <3

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/638397/the-secret-adventure-romance-scifi-supernatural-exo-exok-exom

do use harsh words idc as long as it could improve me it would do great and my english might be bad, not my mother tongue :)
DivineDionne
#6
Hello :) Requesting a review: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/602267/the-moon-spirit-infinite-myungyeol-woogyu-yadong-4evralonesungjong

Umm okay first off, I don't know if you guys read fics since you really didn't specify it so yeah but no worries! There aren't any M rated scenes whatsoever...and then another. The fic is a subs only fic but you can freely unsubscribe after if you take the review :)Oh and the fic is short, like only 4 chapters and it's complete already so yeah. Yeah...I think that's mostly it.

Thank you in advance~! :D
cozette
#7
Chapter 11: WOW 99%! Thank you so much for your review and your kind words! I am totally going to develop a big head over this haha. Seriously though, thank you for taking the time to read over my fic and you're absolutely right about the title and the Description and I'll work toward fixing that. ^^

Thank you for the comment on what I personally call my "awkward " haha. I appreciate your comment on it because I really tried not to get it to the "" side but I didn't know if I was anywhere close to what I wanted to accomplish until now. ^^

I'm glad that the characters seemed real to you because honestly that was the one thing I wanted to accomplish with writing this fic. Thank you! <3

Thank you for upvoting the story as well! Know that I appreciate it because it was something extra that you didn't have to do. ^^

I said appreciate and thank you a lot haha but that's how I'm feeling right now, appreciative and thankful for your review. ^^
-Tigress-
#8
Chapter 10: Thanks so much for the review! I really apreciate you pointing out the switching of povs breaking up the flow, and that I need to decribe some of the words (like pet) that I use. As for Jinyoung, I agree fully... Zico is definitely easier for me to write haha. So I will work on making him more relatable and understandable.
Again, thanks SO MUCH this is very very helpful!!!
OH and no it wasn't too short at all =)
foxybunny13
#9
hello! May I please have my story reviewed?: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/589212/a-song-of-hearts-kyuhyun-roleplay-top-you-yunho

uhm... I'm new to this fanfic thing, and I'm not even sure what I'm writing is fanfic. thank you very much for doing this review shop thingy, I think it's a great help, especially to aspiring storytellers. :)