Jinyoung's P.O.V
As warm as Snow
-Jinyoung's POV-
“I’m awesome? Are you kidding me, Minwoo?” Soojin frowned at Minwoo while the latter laughed. “Ahhh~ Why am I even talking to you?”
“Nahh~” Minwoo pushed his fingers to her cheeks to smile. “If you’ll get dumped, I’ll have you back. Don’t worry; I’m going to make you happy.”
Minwoo’s in love with her? I was stunned. It couldn’t be. No.
She blushed and pulled her head away from Minwoo’s. “I don’t really care how many times he dumped me. I’m going to try again and again until he says yes and became sick.”
“But once is enough. Twice is stupidity. If he really doesn’t like you, you cannot push him.”Minwoo said. “But since you haven’t tried, I wish you good luck.”
“You didn’t sound like cheering me.”Soojinpouted.
“I am!”Minwoo rummaged her hair as he smiled. “You’re really cute when pouting. Ahhh~~ you’re attracting me again by your aegyo.”
“Is that so?”She glared at Minwoo but after a while, sighed. “Aigoo~”
I couldn’t stand what’s happening so I decided to open the door, revealing myself to them. I am jealous! AHHH!! She widened her eyes the moment she saw me. Minwoo looked at me, sternly.
“J-Jinyoung-ah! W-what are you doing here?”She stuttered as she looked at me nervously after glancing at Minwoo. “We’re only talking. We’re not doing anything against morale.” She started waving her both hands, implying that nothing’s happening between them.
Silly. I knew you’re not.
“I don’t care what you two are doing.”I said acidly. “I’m just going to tell that I cannot drop you home today so don’t bother waiting for me.”
She was shocked at first but smiled weakly. “Ahhh--- it’s fine. You can drop me home some other time.”
I really hope I can. I don’t know. I turned back and started to walk, without replying her.
After what happened, I started to avoid her. I tried to hide myself from her view. I ignored her every time she talks to me, like she was talking in the air. I didn’t smile often, unlike before. She cheered me up, thinking that was something was bothering me that was why I acted cold towards her, but I always left her, refusing her. We had problem during rehearsals because of my stiffness. I admitted that I had a problem. I also had a difficulty talking to Gongchan and Shinwoo. I’m much more horrible than before. I became more ill-tempered.
Seeing Minwoo let me knew once again what I was preventing to happen for 3 years; I should not love because I couldn’t bear another painful lost. I rather die than lose another one I love. . It would kill me.
Two weeks before the play, I decided to quit. I didn’t like people to become more miserable because of my own dilemmas. I decided to quit, preventing more people to be hurt. But it became more depressing knowing that Minwoo got the role I ditched. Dung it. I tried myself not to be jealous as I continued to look at Soojin from afar. I was there every time Minwoo and Soojin have practice. That was really depressing and painful, looking at her that she could easily cope up and much comfortable with Minwoo. It was like slicing my heart inch by inch. I still suffered from my jealousy but it’s ok, as long as I could see her. She’s like the air I breath; I got drown from my melancholies if I didn’t have a look at her.
I was changing my shoes in my locker when felt someone was standing in my back. It was Minwoo, looking at me blankly. I already knew why he was here. It’s about Soojin.
“If you’ll ask about Soojin, don’t worry, I didn’t court her.” I closed my locker and faced him. His eyes were fixed on me. I looked back, intensely.
“I know.”He smirked sourly. “Are you going to ditch her if she’ll confess to you? You already knew she likes you.”
I don’t want. But I need to.
“It’s none of your business. It’s between us.”
“It’s my business, because I love her. . . . more than you do.”Minwoo looked at me severely.
“I really don’t get why people I loved likes you. First my sister, now Soojin. I don’t want her to be dejected . . . or die. We all know horrible you are.” He said with pain, remembering his sister, while looking at me as if I was the nastiest thing in the world; like a slug.
“What . . . . the are you saying?” I prevented myself not to harm him. He was Min Hee’s brother after all.
“If she’ll confess to you and you say yes, you’re only going to make her miserable as what you are. My sister was worst when she was in love with you and I don’t want Soojin to be like that. She needs someone who’ll make her happy, a more deserving man . . . and it’s not you.”He answered.
I was stricken. I didn’t deserve her love.
“And you’re saying that you’re the one who can make her happy?”I sneered at him even though I want to hit him with my fist. I was in furious.
“Yes.”
I smirked. “She doesn’t like you, she likes me. I pity you for wanting me to ditch her.”
He clenched his jaw. “If you’re going to dump her, you can’t have her back. I’m going to have her. Mark my word.”
“I wish you luck.”I started to walk away from Minwoo.
“You’re really the worst, Jung Jinyoung.”
“I know. Thanks for that.”I left him.
That confrontation with Minwoo made me hurt. I couldn’t bear what he’s saying; that I really didn’t deserve Soojin. I was quite guilty because Minwoo lost his sister because of me, and having Soojin was as bad as what happened to his sister; he lost another girl he loves. This was more awful than what happened between me and Min Hee, because there were no trouble having her as my girlfriend, but with Soojin, it’s dreadful. More dreadful than before.
I was scribbling down notes in my notebook in one of the benches of the school. I made writing as my pastime whenever I feel bored and fed-up. I smiled after realizing what poem I wrote. I entitled it ‘Bling Girl’, thinkingSoojin while writing, because she’s like a sparkling diamond, a gem that made her stood out from the crowd and made my attention drew to her. I was reading it again and again when I felt presence in front of me. I looked up. It was her.
I gave her an irritated look, not a longing look. I missed her so much that it kills me but I controlled my emotions. I dragged my notebooks in the bench, brought my bag and started to walk away from her. I bit my lip, preventing myself to go and hug her.
“Jinyoung-ah!”
I stopped. I realized how much I missed her voice, her laughed, but I didn’t face her. I was afraid that my defenses would be weakened and i might hug her and never let her go.
“I really like you.”
I smiled on what she said. A faint smile but she didn’t see it. I was happy to hear that she likes me, from her lips. But I shouldn’t pursue her feelings for me. I didn’t want her to be hurt.
“I really like------------------”
“I don’t like you.” I said blankly.
“Eh?”
I don’t like you, you heard me right? I dropped out of the drama club because of you, because I don’t like being with you.
It was all lie. The biggest and most painful lie I’d done in my life.
I started to walk away from her as I felt tears coming from my eyes. Ahhh!!~ It’s really painful telling that I didn’t love her. I prevented myself not to sob as my eyes were red and swollen. Gongchan noticed that I was about to cry when I changed my shoes because I’d go home. I didn’t feel well after that. . . . or should I say, I was never been better after that.
I locked myself in my house for a week, living like a hermit. I was still going to school but after classes I went straight home. I was trying myself to shut my eyes from her. I drowned myself writing stories, painful stories. I drained all my burdens by writing stories or poems, while Shinwoo and Gongchan kept in touch. I was still lucky to have them, I was most thankful for that.
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It was the start of winter and our school festival began. Shinwoo gave me a ticket for the Drama Club’s presentation, saying it was my story so I should come and watch it. I accepted it but Gongchan warned me that there’d be a kissing scene between Minwoo and Soojin. I was stunned. Kissing scene? I never include a kiss in my story!! I crumpled the ticket that Shinwoo gave me while the two looked alarmed.
“Hyung. . . please don’t make any trouble in the play. Don’t worry, they’ll give justice on what you wrote.” Gongchan nervously said.
I smiled bitterly. “Of course I won’t.” I don’t know.
Gongchan and Shinwoo exchanged looks, doubting if I was saying the truth. They knew that I always deny whenever we talked about Soojin. I looked up at the sky; the snow was starting to pour down generously. I placed my hands inside my pockets.
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She was so beautiful in the white simple dress she was wearing. I was mesmerized. I suddenly regret why I quitted the role, it should be me who’d be with her, not Minwoo.
“Only if we could control our fate, I will not choose you to be my sister.” Minwoo held her hand and smiled at her weakly while I felt something pinched my heart. I kept on watching; enduring the pain I was feeling.
“Funny how fate could intertwine us, my sister and my twin, was my lover.” Minwoo continued.
“I’m sorry if I loved you.” She cried as she gave Minwoo a pale smile.
“Don’t be sorry because I didn’t regret each day I love you. Sorry, Eun Mi-ah but I couldn’t keep my promise to marry you.” Min Woo told her teary eyed as he pulled her closer to him and hugged her. He held her hair as she pushed her face to his chest.
I bit my lip. I couldn’t watch the play. I wanted to disappear in my chair rather than watching her with another man’s arms. My heart was aching like bull. AHHHH!!!~ Stop this!
Minwoo kissed her forehead as he pushed her head to see her face. He caressed her cheeks. “I love you, Eun Mi-ah.”
I didn’t know but I heard Soojin rather than Eun Mi, the lead character’s name. I stood in my chair. Gongchan and Shinwoo looked at me alarmingly.
“Jinyoung~~ Where are you -------“
I ran in the stage, completely forgotten that the whole school was watching the play. I ran as fast as I could. I gripped Soojin’s hand in the middle of the stage and pulled her with all my power, with all my heart. I felt her fragile and soft body; it was so soft as if it was telling me to take care of her. My face was buried in her hair, I missed her scent. She wanted to pull me but I stopped her with all my might. I miss you so much, Soojin-ah.
“What are you doing, Jinyoung------------”
I pulled her head gently and pressed my lips to hers while I was still hugging her. Her lips were soft, sweet like berries. I knew she was shock that’s why she was stiff, but it’s ok. My eyes were still closed, feeling her softness and fragility
I pulled my lips from hers, tips still brushing hers. I caressed her soft cheeks, looking at her lovingly. It’s been a torture for ages not showing how I really feel for her. It was now time to show her and I didn’t care if I do it in front of many people.
“J-J-Jinyoung-------”
I was delighted hearing her whispering my name. I kissed her again, more powerful than before. I tasted her sweetness as coaxed my tongue inside her, letting her enjoy the feeling I felt towards her. She responded and I was happy. She put her arms around my neck as I pulled her gently even more. I never cared, hearing the gasps and shouts from the audience. It was her and I right now. I felt her tears; I wiped them dry. It was all wonderful . . . until I heard Minwoo.
“You promised me to forget him. I thought you’re enough of him.”
She stopped and pushed me. I looked blank and she turned her head to Minwoo.
“You were dumped by Jinyoung and I’m the one who comforted you. . because you know how much I really love you. . Soojin-ah.”
I clenched my jaw. I don’t care about my damn dilemmas before. She’s more important to me.
“Soojin. . . ” I held her hand like forever.
“The play isn’t finished”. Minwoo said, looking at me sternly. “Let her go Jinyoung, you already dumped her. You can’t take her back because like what I said to you, she’ll be mine if you neglect her.”
I didn’t answer.
“I’m sorry but I couldn’t give her to---------” but Minwoo cut my words before I could say that I love her.
“She cried many tears because of you. Don’t you know how miserable it was, watching the girl you love crying because she loves someone else who can’t love her back? You’re the ‘Frozen Prince’ remember? You could only give her a cold heart.” He walked between us and pulled her hand from my grip. “You will only make her miserable, while I could make her happy.”
I was stoned.
‘If she’ll confess to you and you say yes, you’re only going to make her miserable as what you are. My sister was worst when she was in love with you and I don’t want Soojin to be like that. She needs someone who’ll make her happy, a more deserving man. . .and it’s not you.’
I released her hand, feeling defeated. I didn’t want her to be as miserable as I am. I just want to be with her. Why I don’t deserve to be loved?
“You can leave the stage, Jinyoung hyung. You completely ruined the play.” Minwoo muttered.
I smiled at Soojin, the most painful I ever did. My eyes were clouded with tears. “I’m sorry.” I sighed, avoiding myself to cry though I couldn’t help myself. “I just . . . . . couldn’t stand watching the girl I cherished being kissed by a more deserving man than me.” I dropped a tear. “. . . . . Because it really hurts.”
I love you… Soojin. I love you so much that it kills me.
I walked down from the stage like a zombie, heading towards the exit. My whole head was swimming, and my eyes were swelling. I got tripped in the floor and hit some audiences. My head shut down. I just wanted to leave the place. I saw Shinwoo walking nearer to me, but I didn’t like to be comforted.
Snow was still pouring down profusely as I walked away from the school theatre. It was so cold that I could feel nothing. I walked and walked, never thinking where my feet would lead me. I tightened the jacket I was wearing.
‘You will only make her miserable, while I could make her happy.’
Those words kept on playing in my head like . I shed tears just like the snow pouring down. The snow was so beautiful indeed, but it was so cold. It was like me, beautiful but cold. I could upset and frighten people, as a snow storm could make people doomed. People like and hate snow, just how some people hate and like me. I smiled faintly. The season and my feelings collaborate together. ‘Frozen Prince’ was a really good title to me. I wonder if I could make a snow palace in the middle of the school right now.
I reached the soccer field without realizing that my feet led me there. I remember the times when Soojin and I practicing our scripts, but ending up playing soccer.
“You’re cruel Jinyoung! WHY DON’T YOU LET MY BALL PASS YOU?! I want to get a goal!” She yelled at me and frowned. She started kicking the poor grass. She got another ball and start kicking like an idiot.
I laughed hard. I never laugh for a very long time and it was so good. “You’re a lame soccer player---------------”
“I goal!!!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!” She laughed evilly as I looked at her, raising a brow. I glance at my back; a ball was beside the net. I looked at her again “You cheater.”
She pushed her tongue out. I started chasing her and she ran.
I sighed and continue to walk to the goal post.
“Jinyoung-ah! You jerk!”
I heard someone shouted my name. I glanced back, finding that she was running for me, like Min Hee running for me before. She held her hands up, reaching for me. I was confounded, until I felt her lips again.
It was the only thing that was warm in that place. Her arms were in my waist, pressing her body towards me. I closed my eyes, feeling the heat in that very cold environment. My heart was pounding. She chose me, just like Min Hee, only that I regretted Min Hee chose to love me for she died. It was wonderful.
She drew back, pouting at me but she smiled after and hugged me. I embraced her and felt the thin cloth she was wearing, and she was very cold. I was astonished and I took a look at her.
“What the----------”
I saw her barefooted, only wearing the white dress she was wearing in the play a while ago. She was wearing no jacket, gloves or bonnet to protect her from freezing situation. My eyes widened, but she showed no worry and contented in my arms.
“S-s-Soojin. You’re b-b-barefooted.” I stuttered. What is she trying to do? Does she want to die?!
“It’s ok. You’re enough to make me warm. I love you, Jin------”
“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?! DO YOU WANT TO DIE?” I roared furiously. “YOU’RE WEARING NO SHOES?!”
“My shoes got stuck in the snow and I didn’t bother picking it up. It’s easy running in the snow barefooted.” She smiled, causing me to get mad. She showed her aegyo.
“Ne. . . Tell me you like me too, Jinyoung. Please.”
“NOT BOTHER PICKING IT UP?!” I sighed harshly, wanting my hair to pull out of my head. “AHHH!!! Soojin! Do you know how freezing it is? Are you numb? I know you’re stupid but PLEASE DON’T KILL YOURSELF!”
“Stupid?! I was telling you to say that you like-------------AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” She screamed as I brought her up bridal-like.
“Uwaaaahh!! Put me down!” She wailed weakly. I sensed feel that the coldness of the place penetrating her skin.
“SHUT UP!” I started walking while her body was starting to tremble. “Get the bonnet in my head and put it in your head.” I ordered her.
“But it’s cold~ It'll make you warm----------”
“Get it!” I snapped. God! She still cares for me while she was dying from freezing.
She got it and pushed it in her head. She was biting her lips as she s her hands inside my jacket for her hands to get warm. She rested her head in my chest. It felt good, but I need to make her warm right now. There were few things in the world that men often enjoyed, and that was being hugged by someone they loved.
I don’t want her to die. Ahh!
It was still snowing furiously when I got home. She was asleep in my room, curling in my bed and barely snoring. She was trembling like mad when I placed her in the bed, immediately covering herself unconsciously with the comforter. While she was sleeping, I changed her clothes for her to feel comfortable. I didn’t saw her body. I just felt it. I coughed and blushed. It was my first time bringing a girl in my house; I smiled. I cooked soup for her to eat when she woke up.
I went to my room to take a look at her. She was covered from head to foot, only revealing her face to breath. I smiled how cute she was. I touched her nose, she quickly scratched it.
I stared at her for some time, still couldn’t believe that she was now in my house and my room. I felt like there was a balloon swelling in my stomach.
“Soojin. Chongmal. . . . saranghae.” I whispered.
A smile curled in her lips.
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