can I just say I'm really proud of this?

"All right, guys. It was great seeing you. This is my stop, so I'll call you later!" I smiled and waved to my friends as I got off the train.

The moment I stepped onto the platform, I was swept in the mass of people. Everyone bustled about and somehow found a way to weave between everyone else. I struggled to reach the stairs that led down and out, but finally reached them after a few minutes of fighting against the current. 

As soon as I was outside of the station, my earbuds were in and my music was cranked up. The chilly autumn air bit at my skin through my sweater, but I didn't mind it. The pain was somewhat nice with it's tingling stings. With a brisk pace, I walked the rest of the way to my house. I was exhausted and I couldn't wait to go home.

Today had been my first day out in about a week. I hadn't really been in the spirit of acting bubbly recently, so I declined all the other offers I had received. On this occasion, though, I had to go. It was my best friend's birthday, and I would always put up my mask for him. 

The two of us had known each other for years, but he never knew the truth about me. No one did, really. This was my dirty little secret. No one could know how depressed I really was. I didn't want to drag down all my friends into the dark abyss of my decline. For them, I would be happy. I would be bubbly and extroverted and happy and whatever they wanted me to be. When I returned home, however, I would close myself in the large wardrobe in my room and cry. Just listen to music and cry.

And I did just that when I arrived. With fingers numb from the cold, I unlocked my door and went to my room. As I walked deeper into my house, I shed off the skin I had been wearing. 

I took off the mask of smiles.

I took off the girly giggle.

I took of the sparkle in my eyes.

I took off everything.

I was stripped clean of all my lies when I entered the wardrobe and shut myself into the darkness.

I lock even myself in the memories, how about you?
This weather, this temperature, this passing wind, will I remember it?
A person to be forgotten like a passing by black and white film
I still miss you as I fall asleep
But on this a rainy night, I cannot fall asleep

The wardrobe door flies open and my eyes stare straight into the last pair of eyes I want to see in this moment. At this very moment with tears streaming down my cheeks in a mess of mascara, this was the one name I did not want to call.

"Taemin?" my voice cracked.

"Yun Hee, are you okay?" he asked, eyes wide yet brow furrowed at the same time.

"Yeah, yeah. I-I'm fine. I just...was looking for a coat and I got a fuzz or a thread or a shirt in my eye." I said, hastening to wipe away my tears.

"Hey, don't lie. I told you you're awful at lying." Taemin held his hand out to me.

"You have no idea, Taemin. I'm actually quite good at lying." I smiled sadly. "Why are you in my house?"

"I wanted to ask you something, but I couldn't find you once you got off the train. I thought I'd just go to your house since I know where you keep your spare key." he admitted, looking embarrassed.

"What did you want to ask me?" I asked, fighting to put back up my facade.

"That's not important. What's more important is that you were crying in your wardrobe. I remember when we were little and I broke your favorite toy, you came in here and cried in the wardrobe. Something must be wrong. What is it? Why are you crying?" as he spoke, he reached out to brush a stray tear that my trembling fingers had overlooked. The contact made my cheeks flush and my heart speed. Suddenly, I wanted to cry all over again.

"Nothing, nothing's wrong." I shook my head.

"Something is wrong, Yun Hee. Tell me, what is it?" Taemin looked so hurt. He looked as if my pain made him hurt as well. This was just what I didn't want happening. 

"I can't tell you." I shook my head once more, violently this time.

"Of course you can tell me. I'm your best friend." he urged.

"No, you don't get it. I can't tell you because I don't know. I don't know why I'm sad and depressed and lost and confused. That's why I never told anyone. Because I don't want you guys to worry. There's nothing wrong with me really, so there's nothing that can be done!" I raised my voice, exasperated.

"If you just were honest with us, we could have found something. I care for you. We're best friends and I treasure that. Best friends go through everything together. Be it happiness, sadness, depression, what have you. Will you let me be your best friend? Will you let me love you?" as he spoke, Taemin leaned in and brushed his lips against my cheek where new tears were falling. 

He kissed away my tears, but more kept coming. I wasn't even sure why I was crying. All I knew was that I didn't want to push Taemin away. Finally, giving up on my tears, he brought his lips to mine. His kiss was sweet and gentle and I felt at home.

"But...I have so much to deal with. Do you really love me or do you love my face that I put up for you and the others?" I asked.

"Seong Yun Hee, I love you. All of you. I love you and that's the question I wanted to ask you. Do you love me too?" Taemin kept his gaze locked onto mine.

"...y-yes. Yes, I do. But, Taemin...are you sure? I have to go through all this depression and I don't want to drag you down!" I admitted, fearful of my own feelings.

"We'll find a way. I promise you, we'll find a way."

And I believed him. If Taemin was by my side, I believed that I would find a way.