The whole day became a nightmare for him; it wasn’t because he was afraid that Donghae would reject him right away if they were to see each other. It was because he had doubts if he could still have him, if he could still call onto him, if there was still a portion inside his heart that’s still acknowledging him. He didn’t want to compete, he has whole rights for him, he loved him more that he could’ve loved anyone and as he was being honest to himself he hated that undying love that’s clinging down on him

 

“Are you sure about this? I mean, were just high school kids… what we both don’t know about this kind of stuff” Kyu doubted what Hae told him

 

“Does love really needs to have a say in age? Kyu we practically kiss all the time in our bedroom… what’s the difference if we become official? Don’t you… love me?” Kyu felt a bit un-eased with what he said

 

“Hyung… I… I’m not sure… I love you in a sense of being the closest friend I’ve ever had and~” Hae grabbed his arm

 

“Does friendship like ours kiss and explore each other? I know in myself I love you… but I also want to hear your side… I want to hear that you love me” he felt his heart crumble at the sight of his dear hyung

 

“I…I…” he felt someone tap him on the shoulder

 

“I’m sorry sir, but you seemed rather spaced off… is something wrong?” his secretary asked

 

Kyu gulped and sighed, “Just tired…” she nodded

 

“By the way, is there any other thing to do in the schedule?” he rubbed his head

 

“Everything seems to be finished for today, aside from the paper works though, all’s fine” he nodded, he took one last sigh before he stood, “Tell my driver to leave for today, I’m going to take the car and just send me the important papers by the fax so I could finish up at home” she bowed as he left

 

He made his way at the bathroom and he wanted to wash the damn feeling he’s been having right after the call he had, he looked at the mirror and saw his eyes still rather reddish. His assistant even asked about it but he said that it was just a bit weary and puffy but the truth was visible. He cried right after that call, he rid his soul out to feel something that he never imagined before, he felt desperation, loneliness and above all regret eating him up like he was so vulnerable, he hated it

 

“I’m not sure hyung… I mean, I really like you… I liked how you kissed me and it was plainly out of curiosity that I let myself dove off with the feeling of touching you and… I seemed to adore it in a way but~” he felt Hae’s grip tightened

 

“But what? You thought of me as a friend with benefit? Is that it? Is that what you’ve been thinking off? Kyuhyun, I’ve been very open with you with this damn love that I’ve been spouting about, don’t you even care about how I’m feeling? What I’m been going through right now?” he could evidently die right at that moment to see him burst into sorrow like that

 

“I’ve been… at my best, to make sure you’ll be able to fall for me… when you kissed me back, it meant everything, it meant that I had you… that I was someone you loved back but I guess… you don’t feel the same thing about me” he felt the tight grip loosen and seeing Donghae slowly making steps backward and turning around made his world crumble, he knows a part of him died at what he had witnessed

 

“Hyung… come back!” he tried to run towards him and reach for him

 

He felt his everything gone in a single conversation, a conversation filled with confession and broken affections. It was hard. For a young high school student that wasn’t sure what love was, wasn’t sure how to know what it held, wasn’t capable of showing it well. It was hell

 

“Would you like to try out our new product?” he snapped back into reality

 

“Hello sir… would you care for some newly cooked noodles? There absolutely good and they’re the best in terms of taste” a sales lady offered him

 

“N-No… thanks” he declined and the woman averted to another person, he found himself at the mall. Strolling about wherever his feet would take him. He was lost. He knows that thinking about the past wouldn’t help nor would it bring back everything that he had let slip away but, he was truthful to Donghae. Yeah he flirted and in a way make out with other men and women but, he didn’t betrayed him the way Donghae had thought of

 

He would have make out sessions with people he drink with but never had he laid with anyone, he knows kissing was nothing, that flirting meant pampering someone, drinking with someone was just trying to accompany but knowing Donghae. He was more afraid of losing him; he had always loved him, cared for him and never leaves without saying anything to him. Kyu always knew where he went, where he was hanging out, who he hung out with if they’d drink or not. He was completely transparent

 

The only thing was, Kyuhyun wanted to keep his drinking habits at night a secret from him. He didn’t want Donghae to worry but at the same time think of something funny about him, he was always worried when he came home as he smelled like liquor, he was worried to see those lip stains on his clothes, he was afraid that Kyuhyun didn’t loved him anymore

 

He groaned in frustration as he was still digging in the past, he missed him so much that his mind couldn’t stop but to reminisce their lives together, he wants him back in his life. “This isn’t helping me one bit” he looked down on his shoes as he sat on the bench behind a small fountain in the middle of the mall

 

“I have to get things clear and in tack, I just can’t fall apart like this… but…” he felt his heart racing “He’s here… he’s finally here” he felt a shiver in his hands

 

He felt like going crazy and tilted his head back “What am I to do~” he slowly shut up as he saw a familiar face

 

He snapped his head back and turned completely, he was sure. It was him. “Donghae” he got up from where he was sitting and ran to the escalator to get to the third floor, “Damn it, there’s so many people of all times!” he excused himself on the flood of people

 

He made his way through and looked up once more to check where he was going, he surveyed and notice him going to the right. He barge his way once more towards the crowded escalator, his heart running widely and his breathing felt like ten times heavier. He was desperate

 

He got to the same floor but damn the people around the mall, there was so many shoppers that he couldn’t see through the volley of people walking around. He went to the direction he saw them, he then notice the clothe he wore and with all hopes he placed a hand over his shoulder “Donghae” the man turned

 

He froze to see someone else, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else” the man looked at him with wonder and left, he panted as he felt a bit tired of running around with the crown in his way. He then saw him going down the other end of the mall, he and (He knows exactly) Henry seemed to have taken the stairs

 

He didn’t waste any valuable time, he ran to the staircase and did all he could to catch up. He neglected himself of being too exhausted with his running and swaying, he has this opportunity; he isn’t going to let this slip away as well. When he got to the first floor once again, he noticed the coat. He ran towards him with all his might as he exited the mall, he was sure, he had someone along with him

 

He grabbed the guy on the wrist and the man turned, “What the hell” the guy freaked, the person beside the man looked at him and it was a woman “Who the hell are you?” she curiously asked

 

Out of the embarrassment Kyu bowed and apologized “I’m sorry, I thought you were someone I was looking for… I’m very sorry” the man just mumbled and left

 

He felt his tears pooling in his eyes, he didn’t change his position. He didn’t lift himself up again, he just stayed bowing at nothing, he watched as his tears fell from his eyes. He failed. “Hae dear, I think we had more than we bargained for” Henry giggled

 

They were just about to go out the mall’s door but a few more steps before the end of the stairs Hae noticed someone bowing out of nothing, it caught his attention and he witnessed as he man finally stood straight, he knows who it was from the side view of his face, he knows exactly who it was “Hen… I think I forgot to buy something else” he pulled Henry

 

“Do you really want some more? My feet are killing me with all the walk and people inside” he winced at the feeling in his legs “Please… I really forgot something I need to buy” he took glances on Kyu just in case he’d turn around

 

“If it’s really that important, I won’t argue” he turned and they made their way towards the door, for every 5 seconds or so Hae would snap his head to his back to check. When they got inside he saw him turning around and it looks like he was about to enter the mall as well

 

He thought of a way to lead Henry without making him notice, “Come on, it’s over here” he pulled him to a record bar, “Albums? This is so not like you” he mused

 

From the stack and behind all the people inside he hid himself, for about a minute he saw Kyuhyun pass by. His heart fell into a stop and it was like time had slowed by, it was the longest 15 seconds of his life as he watched him take steps. He noticed his eyes were red and puffy; he had a hunch but doubted it was him that he was thinking of “He must’ve been busted by a girlfriend or some other guy”

 

He was still bitter, still in pain, still jealous and still in love. “I hate this… I hate this God damn heart of mine, I don’t like this feeling. This never ending pain” he clenched his fist and felt everything cage up

 

Kyuhyun on the other hand walked aimlessly once again, he recalled the same thing “Hyung come back… please, let’s talk this out” he chased him as they entered the group of people. It was at a friend’s party, he was pulled at the garden to have a quiet talk about the status of their relationship, about what they feel, what they know about their hearts content, what they really have for each other

 

He turned all around trying to find him, trying to make him stay, trying to know what he really feels but right at that moment nothing was certain with his feelings, only fear, the fear of losing Donghae for the rest of his life, “Hyung… hyung… hyung where are you?”

 

He didn’t found him that day; he didn’t saw him for 1 month. Hae nearly got expelled for not going to school; he didn’t even reply to his text or calls. Even if he goes to his place he wasn’t there, the maids and sometimes his parent would tell him that he went to a classmate of his and said that he had slept for the night. They weren’t aware he was skipping school, none of them really knew where he ran to, and he just vanishes into thin air. He blames himself for it

 

 

Donghae as well spaced out because of what he had seen, he knows it was love that was making him stop on his tracks and freezing up and heart racing like mad, he knows in himself he still do but what he’s trying to suppress all throughout the day he left their house. He was a coward to face it once more but he felt it was only for the best, it’s better off keeping the pain chained inside as he smiled back to the people around him. He shouldn’t care, he shouldn’t

 

“Hello?” Henry tapped on his shoulder, “Are you done yet? I’m getting cramps with my ankles” he whined

 

“Yeah, I am” he snapped, he took a random cd from the stacks “Blues and some slow songs?” Henry eyed the CD he held

 

“Yeah, wouldn’t… wouldn’t you like playing this on the background tonight?” he reasoned, Henry gave a thought “Well… since you put it that way, it really does feel… sensual” he stressed the word, “Come on let’s get it” he pulled him

 

They rang the CD for them to have and went off to their hotel, when they got there he sat at the window once more, he held his bottle of wine and poured some on his glass. He felt so bothered about it; mind running around their past but as he remembered, it stung him. They were happy and they stood by each other through thick and thin

 

He felt horrible at that moment; he continued on to be indulging by the thoughts running amok. He didn’t notice Henry play the CD they’ve bought, he didn’t noticed him walk closer, he didn’t noticed him until a soft press of lips damp his cheek. He turned as the lips withdrew “You seemed… bothered” Henry felt a bit worried

 

He smiled faintly “It’s nothing, I’m fine” he heard a sigh on Henry’s end

 

“Stop lying to me…” he gave him a hug as he rested his head onto his “I know when you’re troubled, I know when you’re in pain and I know when you’re hiding something… tell me, I’ll listen without falter” he felt the expressions of the music that’s being played

 

“It’s just something… that’s been in my head for an hour or so… it’ll pass” Henry shouldn’t know, he shouldn’t be told about anything, he should be happy and not thinking about what he’s caught up with

 

Henry gave another sigh, “Knowing you, you won’t tell me if you give an excuse. Just remember Hae… I’m here for you, I’ll always and will forever be with you” he lowered himself down and levelled their faces

 

They both looked at each other’s eyes, “I love you… and I’ll always will” slowly their mouths latched onto each other, feeling the warmth of their soft and tender lips. He felt himself ease from the heavy burden he had always carried around, he felt nice and comforted with Henry’s caring lips

 

Hae could feel a hand brush his cheek and another lace down his nape, he hummed at the way Henry was invigorated with their kiss. He replied only with a lovingly moan, his body retaliated to such well-done kiss. He pressed harder and began to place his arms around Henry’s waist and for a good 2 minutes they parted gasping for breath and their pulse rise at the feeling, their eyes were locked onto each other with a glimmer at each pant

 

Henry gave one last peck on his lips and stood up straight and pulled Hae out of his chair. He guided him towards their room as the music still filled the room with its calming tunes, Hae didn’t know what to feel, he was hot, needing and Henry felt the same thing at the time. He needed it, he needs to forget, heal and start over. He wanted to live again

 

Henry then closed the door behind them and locked it; he continued to allure him towards the bed. Once he had him at the edge of the bed, he sat down and looked up to Hae’s gorgeous face. He felt his body burn at his hypnotic gaze, he wants him. He pulled both of Hae’s hands and landed them to his shoulders, he felt Hae massage him running his hands to his shoulder blades and to his collarbones, he smiled contently at the feeling

 

Hae lowered down and pressed a kiss to his dear partner, he felt him kiss back as a reply. He continue to latch their lips together while he felt Henry’s arms wrapping around his neck, he felt the force pulling him down the bed and slowly they’ve laid down. Hovering over Henry as they run their tongue inside each other’s mouth

 

As Henry began to Hae’s shirt above him, Hae withdrew. Feeling a certain wonder of the sudden action Henry rose “I’m sorry… I’m never going to be good enough~” Henry hushed him, “Yeah, you’re never good enough…” he saw a sad expression on the other’s face, “You’ll always be more than what I’ll be expecting”

 

With that Henry continued to clash their lips once again, easing his troubles, relinquishing his mind away from the dreadful thoughts of his life. He’s willing to take in every ounce of regret away; he wants Donghae to be happy, even in a small moment in their time together. The night passed as they finished their romance

 

“Is hyung there?” Kyu asked the maid on the main door, “I’m quite sorry master Kyu, but young master paved his way to a friend of his, he hadn’t had come home since he had informed that he had slept there” Kyu turned his face away as he heard her

 

“Has Donghae come home yet?” he asked the maid that he and Hae are close with, “I’m sorry master Kyu, but he had yet to come home. He had just left the mansion frankly” he nodded, “Please tell me once you seem him” he made a bow

 

Hae always saw and heard Kyu ask about him each and every day, he hid himself telling everyone that he doesn’t want to be found by Kyuhyun. He had firm orders that none of them would tell that he’s someone near the mansion. Until one evening on his way home from hiding, it was raining heavily and he felt the loud droplets of rain wash over the remorseful feeling he had held for about a month, he saw Kyuhyun standing in front of him

 

Though it was dark and only a bit of light lit his figure, he was sure it was Kyuhyun standing in front of him, saddened, eyes evidently in pain, hands with anger. “Well the hell have you been!” he yelled

 

Hae didn’t respond on the bursting words, he didn’t look away, he only found himself looking straight back without falter “You never reply on my text…” he made slow steps, “You never answer back my calls…” Hae gripped the handle of the umbrella, “You never were here when I came for you…” he gulped as he was now standing in front of him, he was sure Kyu’s eyes was watering even at his drenched figure

 

“And most of all… you didn’t came back when I chased after you!” Hae found it appropriate to answer back but Kyu only hugged him. With eyes widen, strength diminishing, he lost grip on his umbrella. Letting both of them bask on the heavy drops of rainfall

 

“You didn’t came back to hear my answer” he whispered clearly on Hae’s ears, “I never thought you’d be such an … to even think of running away” Hae shivered and without his notice his own tears mixed down with the droplets of water

 

“I love you… more than you’ll ever imagine… sorry, for being an idiot” Hae couldn’t help but to chuckle a bit, he returned his embrace as he found his strength once more, “I love you… even if your and idiot”

 

It was the night that they patched things up and cleared everything that needs to be flattened out about their relationship, Kyu slept in Hae’s room at that night. It felt different for the both of them; they found themselves half with their pajama pants on as they dried their hair with towels. Both could feel the heat searing between them as they both sat a foot apart of the bed, oddly their eyes were laced until their mouths intertwine. They’ve rendered themselves to the heat they’ve encountered

 

When the heat subsided, they laid down on the bed both covered under the sheets as he felt Kyu’s arm around his waist and fast asleep. He adored the position they’re in at that time and he savoured the moment of being able to burry himself underneath Kyu’s chest

 

Hae felt his tear rolled down his cheek as he slowly opened up his eyes, the heavy feeling, the resentful sting, it was all too overwhelming “Stop… haunting me… were through from the moment I left you” it became a curse, though he had hidden his agony, he had yet to escape the truth within his past