Sungmin beamed as the sweet rays of sunshine hovers over his face down to his bare shoulders, the warmth leaving a satisfying feel for his elated heart.

He caressed his face at the soft pillow as images of last night flows trough his mind, the amazing sensation of Kyuhyun’s lips to his, that no doubt, still holds the same power over him, never failing to make him weak on the knees, and shamelessly begging for more. And the way the younger held him, it felt like before, those times where they we’re so in love with each other, and damn he knows that even hidden by insecurities and petty fights, that love had never really left them, it had always been there, just waiting to be acknowledged again, just waiting for their owners to finally find their paths together. Sungmin shivered from the amazing comfort, his heart wanting to weep from happiness as he felt it, although not by words, he had been with Kyuhyun for far too long to not know what those loving touches meant.

Kyuhyun, when they used to be together, had never been the affectionate type, so Sungmin had learned to read the younger’s every move. He just wished he had never let the younger go. They we’re so young with love back then, so oblivious and scared, but now that he’s this close to that heaven again, he wants to make it right.

He smiled as the strive to be a better man for Kyuhyun fueled inside him. He hurriedly stood up from his comfortable slumber, wanting to reach for that goal as he immediately reached for his discarded clothes. He frowned as he found the piece of cloth torn, it was his favorite shirt! But the thought of Kyuhyun being aggressive because of that want to be with him this bad, made his heart flutter in an unexplainable joy so he ignored the cloth with a big grin on his face as he went to his closet to look for a new one. It was definitely worth it, and he’s willing to lose a hundred more shirts if he’ll feel that same feeling from Kyuhyun all over again.

When he deemed himself presentable, he slowly walked to the magnae’s room, he was about to knock but stopped as he found the door slightly open. He smiled as he slowly widen the space of the door’s opening but stopped midway as he saw the sight that was unfolded to him.
The grin on his face suddenly dropped down to hell along with his heart, as he felt his body tremble with brewing tears. His dreams suddenly shuttering to pieces as his eyes glued at the magnae’s figure, inside Siwon’s equally form. The tall man’s arms engulfing the magnae’s body as if mocking him to whom Kyuhyun belongs to. His whole body continue trembling as he felt millions of knives stabbing his heart mercilessly. He fell down on the floor, his knees too weak as the undying pain in his heart eats him whole. It’s just too unbearable that he felt his heart dying slowly.

“Min?” Donghae asked as he saw the horrible state of his friend. “Are you okay?!” He immediately crouched down to help the small man but Sungmin just shook his head, unable to form any words from the tears that’s been flooding his heart. He immediately stood up to run to his room, wanting to run way from the pain. But the image was etched in his memory as if in need to kill him, and indeed it’s working as he felt his heart giving up the will to live as his tears continually stream from his tired eyes.

He looked at his bed, dry from their intimate moment last night could still be seen at the sheets, the faint smell of their sweat and lust still fills the air like it just happened minutes ago. But the dreams and hopes that that moment brought him we’re now crushed into mere illusions as he realized how much a fool he was. He was so stupid!

“Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! STUPID!” Sungmin repeated, screaming it louder each time as he screams at himself, not believing how much a fool he had been. “You’re so stupid Lee Sungmin! How could you be so ing stupid!” He cursed as he started bawling, the pain in his heart increasing a thousand folds. It hurts so much, too much.

*

“Donghae?” Kyuhyun asked as he saw the man by the door, he was woken up as he heard a faint sob and some rustling and he thought he saw Sungmin’s figure. He looked at Donghae for any answer and the look the man gave him made it clear for him. All the more as he looked at his and Siwon’s state

The older man immediately looked away, and Kyuhyun took this time as he immediately reached for his clothes and put it on, not even bothering to look if it’s inverted as he ran towards Donghae, locking the door as he reached outside.

Words weren’t needed as Donghae turned his gaze towards Sungmin’s room. And Kyuhyun already know what he had done. He slowly walked towards the room and was about to open it but stopped as he heard sobs coming from inside.

“Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! STUPID! You’re so stupid Lee Sungmin! How could you be so ing stupid!” Kyuhyun’s knees tremble as he felt the pain in the other’s voice.

“You’re not stupid Min. I am. I am the stupid one for causing you this pain. I am the stupid one for not telling you what I feel. I’m the stupid one here, not you, never you.” Kyuhyun whispered in his thoughts as he let his body slump on the floor, his own tears flooding from his face.

“I’m so sorry, forgive me.” He whispered as he kissed the door that had been separating them, wishing it would reach the man on the other side.

*

Kyuhyun didn’t know how long he stayed there, as the pain seemed to numb him, making his mind blank and empty. But he was woken up by his trance as he felt the door opening. He immediately stood up, startling the man in front of him.

His heart seemed to be punched by millions of needles as he saw Sungmin’s state, eyes bloody shut red, the usual liveliness on the other’s face, was as if stolen from him, leaving him on this miserable state.

It pained his heart to see the man it loved in this state that he found himself immediately engulfing the frail man’s body in his arms.

“Kyuhyun.” Sungmin croaked, the tears that he tried so hard to stop, wanting to escape from the border he planted inside him.

“I’m so sorry hyung. I’m so sorry.” Kyuhyun apologized, his hold on the younger’s body tightening as his heart crack when he felt the small man tremble from his touch.

“Please don’t.” Sungmin pleaded, as he attempted to push the man away, but his body’s too weak, not wanting to comply as it knows too well that this is what they need. But Sungmin scolded them, asking them if they really want to wallow in more pain that they’ll know they’ll be in once they yet again succumb in this sinfully tempting warmth. So it hesitantly complied, giving him atleast much strength to push the warmth away, immediately weeping in regret at the loss.

“Min.”

“We should stop this. We already learned to live without each other before this. I don’t think it would hurt to continue doing so.” Sungmin muttered as he muster all the courage to hide the scrunching pain in his heart before walking away but he was stopped as the magnae gripped tightly in his hand, and he wanted to curse his heart for believing the despair and want, the need that he felt by the touch.

“Min do you honestly believe that we’ve been living fine all this time?” Kyuhyun asked.

Sungmin wanted to scream no, he wanted to tell how much painful it was to continue living without Kyuhyun by his side. He wanted to scream how much empty it was, how much he longed for the magnae, how he wanted so much for his love to be known.

“Well we need to learn how to.” Sungmin muttered against his heart’s will, his heart trembling in pain as he walked away from its owner.

“But what if I don’t want to? What if I’m tired making myself believe that I don’t love you anymore? What if I don’t want to continue living without you? I’m so tired. My heart’s so tired.”