Jessica noticed the quieter Krystal. Yes, she was always quite but not with people she closed with, especially Jessica. She wondered what was gotten into her because she looked so distant.

Just like that day. Jessica was having breakfast with Krystal after weeks not seeing her regularly. It was weeks after Krystal found Jessica and Kris were dating. She was less at home, busied herself in academic activities the whole day and went home tired and ready to sleep at night every day.

 If not about school, she would mostly spend her day at her seatmate Jinri’s home. Jessica was okay about it, it was good to have friend beside her and Kris. But she thought Krystal would be happier, but she was more distant than ever.

Jessica glanced at her carefully, noticing the black circle below her eyes that gazing at the plate full of food emptily. There was no light visible in her eyes, and Jessica shivered feeling the coldness in it.

“Baby? Is there something wrong?”

Krystal poked her pancake with the fork, looked so uninterested. “Nothing, Jess. Just.. Just worried about my exam.”

“Really? You never worried about it before.”

“I…” She took a deep breath before continuing. “I decide to continue study overseas after graduate so I really need to focus more about my grade.”

Jessica stayed silent for a while, processing what she heard in her head. She put the fork and the knife she was holding on the plate.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes. I think it’s more convenient to learn more about fashion in overseas, maybe Europe.”

Jessica was not sure what was bothered Krystal; but she was sure there was something her sister hiding in the fake smile she showed to her now.

Jessica stood up from her seat and went to Krystal’s. She kneeled beside her and held her hands on her lap. “Alright baby, take your time to think, alright? Honestly I don’t want to be separated from you, but if it’s for the best I’ll support your decision.”

Thank you, Jess.” Krystal hugged her tightly, holding back the tears.

I’m so sorry, Jess.

Krystal thought she would be okay. She thought she can bear the pain and kept the poker face watching them both when she already knew they were in relationship since God knows when.

But she couldn’t. She slowly changed to quieter and colder version of her, holding back the urge to run crying inside her warm blanket that became her sanctuary these past weeks.

That was why she decided to study overseas after her graduate, so she could be away from them for a while, fixing her heart pieces per pieces so she could move on. But she wouldn’t graduate until next year, so she started to make her busy in school and even signed for night class to avoid them.

She thought she would be okay if she was away. But she was so wrong.

She missed Kris and her sister so much that she couldn’t help but crying a lot at night. But still, she couldn’t see them together. It hurt too much.

Jessica ruffled her sister’s brunette hair lovingly. “Kris is coming today. We should do movies marathon again. We missed you so much, dear..”

Krystal pulled away from Jessica slowly. “Sorry but I’m going to Jinri’s home, Jess. Have fun then.” She stood up from her chair and went to her room to grab her bag, and headed to the front door.

“You haven’t finished your pancake.”

“I don’t have appetite.” She waved her hand and opened the door. “See you later.”

Few hours later Kris was arrived at the siblings’ apartment. He knocked but no one was answering so he decided to just unlock the door because he knew the password all along.

The first thing he saw was Jessica who was sobbing helplessly on the couch. He sit beside her and hugged her waist, pulling her closer to him.

“I’m so worried about her, Kris. I don’t know what happened to her and I start seeing her less at home, and she even got skinnier… I feel there’s something troubling her and I need to know what it is..” She closed her eyes, leaning her head to Kris’ chest.

Kris felt pain surged through his body. That day Krystal said she wanted to tell him something, but she never did. She just locked herself in her bedroom although he had called her name many times. And he too couldn’t meet her the next days after. “She’s avoiding me too.”

“I.. I know I’m not always be a good sister for her that can always be by her side but I always be there when she needs me. But she didn’t told me a thing and just keep it by herself. She always kept what was bothering her by herself since we were kids. I’m so failed as a sister, Kris.”

“Sssh… Don’t say that. You’re a great sister and she just need time to be alone, alright.”

“I don’t have much time---”

“Ssshhh… Don’t say that okay.” He pulled her closer to his body and kissed her forehead to make her stop saying painful things. “I’ll talk to her.”

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Krystal walked down her school’s hallway with Jinri. But then her eyes landed to a blond-haired man who was leaning against a black car in the parking area of her school. Her heart started beating fast, wondering why Kris was there in her school when they didn’t even talked for weeks.

Jinri looked at him “Is that your handsome brother picking you up? You said you want to go to my house.”

“I’ve told you he’s not my brother.” Krystal emphasized each word with a glare.

Jinri raised his hand, patted Krystal’s back to calm her down. “Okay, so you’re going home now?”

“Maybe. See you tomorrow.”

Krystal was contemplating to turn back to her school building when Kris already noticed her coming from afar. He waved his hand, asking her to come closer.

“Hey.” Krystal sighed and decided to just walk closer to him.

In front of him instead staring at him like what she was usually did, she clasped his hand together and looked at the ground. “What are you doing here?”

Kris noticed this different behavior but just tried to ignore it. “I'll take you home. Come on.”

They both sit on the bench at the park nearest to her apartment. Kris was still contemplating about what to say while Krystal waiting anxiously.

After few minutes, she sighed desperately. “What. Spilled it out. I know you want to talk.”

“Were you avoiding me?”

Kris felt her body beside him stiffened, “No.”

Kris let out a deep breath and turned his body to take a look at her. “Is there something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

He grasped her chin to make her look at him. “You can’t lie to me, Soojung. Your eyes tell me everything.”

Krystal stared coldly at the pair of brown ash eyes in front of her, challenging him. “What it tells you then?”

“You’re hurting.”

“Yes I am.”

“Why?”

“You don’t need to know.”

Kris pulled his own hair exasperatedly, unsatisfied with her cold answer. “Krystal, I….”

“Please. Please don’t ask for more.”

“Why? What’s hurting you this much that you can’t talk about it to me? Even to your sister?”

Krystal kept quiet although her heart beating so fast like going to explode in any seconds.

“Is it about one of us?”

Kris sighed deeply and leaned his back to the backrest. He didn’t know what to do anymore to make her talked. “We care about you. I care about you. A lot.”

Krytal shook his head, feeling the tears already gathered in her eyes. “There. Please don’t care that much about me anymore.”

Kris felt anger surged through his body. “What? Asking me to stop caring about you? Are you in your right mind? I can’t ever do that!”

He grasped her shoulders tightly; still feeling shocked about what she said. “Soojung---“

 “Stop! You’re hurting me.” She tried to push his body away but he was too strong for her.

 “It hurts me so much seeing you like this.. What happened to you? Please tell me.”

Kris looked so unusually vulnerable in front of her and it make her soften a little. It hurt her too to saw him looked so broken just by her coldness.

“Why you didn’t tell me?” She whispered so softly, Kris almost didn’t hear it but he did.

“Tell you what?”

Krystal took a deep breath before continue to speak. “You’re dating Jess.”

Now it was Kris’ turn to be quiet. Kris didn’t know what to say to her.

“Since when?” she asked.

“When I was still freshman in high school..”

She widened her eyes, shocked about the fact that he and Jessica already dating for 5 years. And those 5 years were the moment when she grew to love him and thought he loved her back.

“What? That long? And I didn’t even realize it..”

“We didn’t tell you because we don’t want to make things awkward between us.”

Still grasped by Kris’ hands, she tried to push his body again.

“Please let me go.”

“No until you tell me everything.”

He kept quiet and ignored her plea. He even secured her body into his arms.

 She couldn’t take it anymore, tears were freely falling from her eyes as she sobbed, hitting his chest with her hands. “Please..”

Kris only kept quiet and just holding her more tightly.

“I love you, Kris, so please.. Please stop confusing me!”

Kris froze and felt his hold on her body loosen. She.. love..?

“What?”

Krystal pulled away instantly, keeping a distance from him. “Why you didn’t tell me? Why, Kris? If I know it I wouldn’t love you this much till it hurts like this! 5 years ago I was still a kid and it might be easier to move on and forget! I have loved you for these years and I always thought you love me back but actually I only dreaming things. Why, Kris? Why?”

Kris watched sadly how she broke down in front of him. He felt like his heart had been ripped and now he couldn’t do anything to make her feel better.

Krystal cried and hit her chest repeatedly, trying to ease the pain that she felt in her heart. “I… I really love you.”

After few minutes, Krystal stood up, glanced at now-in-the-frozen-state Kris. “Please treat her right. Jessica is everything to me and so are you. Please be happy with her.”

Krystal turned her back to him and decided to go home alone. She couldn’t bear anymore to keep staying while Kris only kept quiet. She just wanted to cry on her bed. “I’m leaving first. Bye.”

Kris stared at Krystal’s figure that started disappearing from his sight. He palmed his face by his hands and felt the sadness overtook him. You just don’t know, Krystal. You just don’t know how much I long for those words. How much it hurts me because I can’t say it back to you.

6 years ago

Kris were waiting for Jessica but she still didn’t show up yet; though he was waited for 2 hours already. She said she need to go checked up for something and then met him to spend the day together.

His phone vibrated and Jessica’s name appeared on the screen. Soon he picked it up.

“Hey, where are you?” She didn’t say anything but he could clearly hear her quick breathing.

“Are you crying?”

“I… I don’t know exactly where I am..”

“I see lots of coffee shop here, and crowd.”

He stood up from his seat and walked out from the cafe immediately. “Don’t go anywhere, wait for me. I’ll find you.”

Lots of coffee shop and crowd? She must be near.

He walked and walked, keep looking left and right for Jessica, and soon he found the crowd. He started looking for her auburn hair that always shone brightly in the daylight.

And there she was, sat in the sidewalk clutching her legs to her chest with face buried in her knees.

“There you are.” Seeing her cry made his heart hurt, he kneeled and pulled her into a hug.

“What’s going on?” She sobbed uncontrollably on his chest, while his hands soothe her back softly. He put his chin on the top of her head, feeling her body that shook wildly and her hands that grasped the front of his shirt tightly were shaking too.

“Kris… I…” She looked so troubled and fragile yet she managed to pull away and looked at him in the eyes.

 “I love you, I love you so much..” She broke down again, crying and hugged him tightly.

Kris looked at her, baffled. “Why so suddenly..”

“Just want to tell you before it’s too late..”

Kris ruffled her hair to calm her down. She was his best friend and he already took care of her since long time ago. But for being more than that.. “Jess, I care about you, a lot. But…”

“I like someone else. I’m so sorry.”

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Present

“I’m home.”

Jessica looked at Krystal, and saw no sign of Kris around. “You’re alone?”

“Yes.”

“Krystal..”

“I’m tired, Jess. I’m gonna sleep early. Night.”

She cried and cried that night. Her eyes swollen and red, felt so dry and her cheeks stained with so many tears. But she couldn’t stop and she didn’t have the need to stop. She just wanted to cry her heart out so she wouldn’t have to cry anymore.

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As usual, what do you think? I love reading your comments, thank you so much! <3 I'm so sorry for their complicated love life T__T

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